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I actually think its the opposite for us since we got married. Now that were married were a lot more likely to go out without one another or spend a weekend apart. Back in January, I went up to NY to visit college friends and this weekend DH is going up to Connecticut to hang out with his college friends. While I will miss him when he is gone, I appreciate the time that I have to myself. I love having the house to myself! I love having girls nights and DH enjoys spending time with his guys. I think we have a really healthy balance at this point!
Whole heartedly agree - everyone needs some me time and to have some time just for themselves. Spending every waking moment possible with a SO isn't healthy IMO.
There's no way in hell I could be clingy considering my DH is only in the same state as me for 3 days a week. Gotta be fine with and enjoy that "me" time!
ETA: I do like to spend most of my time on weekends with DH but that is only because those are the only days I see him at all. Weeks where he doesn't travel and is home all week, keeping that weekend time together is no longer so important.
NO WAY. Granted, we are long distance at the moment, but not even when we're together. I think it is one of the things that has kept us going, honestly. We definitely know how to have our "us" life and our individual lives.
This didn't really change for us after we got married - for years of dating, being engaged, etc... we've been that couple that pretty much goes everywhere/does everything together. Marriage didn't really make any difference in that aspect.
I don't feel like I'm the type that "can't" hang out without their husband - but I wonder what my single friends would say. I try to purposely make time with my friends, outside my DH - but I also have only certain days that I'm able to spend with DH. So, if those coincide, I'm more likely to want to hang out with DH and my friend vs. just my friend. That said - even if that's the case - I try to make other plans.
Actually - now that I think of it - I don't really hang out with my friends and DH... haha.
We both definitely like to have our me time, as well as our couple time. Most of our social interactions are as a couple, with other couples. But ... we both also see single friends without each other on a regular basis.
We both had our own hobbies, interests and social activities before we were married, and I don't see why getting married would change that.
Sure, we enjoy being together very much and we like to do a lot of things together, but I'm not going to give up who I am and what I enjoy because I MUST NOT LEAVE DH'S SIDE.
Also, DH and I do hang out with other friend couples together, but I have some single friends and I don't want to make them choose between being a third wheel or losing me as a friend. That's not fair. So DH and I make time for all of our friends, whether we hang out as a couple or one-on-one.
It's mostly the same for us. We did almost everything together before we were married, and we do the same thing now. It helps that we have a lot of similar hobbies, and most of our friends are mutual friends or other couples. We don't necessarily plan it that way, things just work out like that. However, if one wants to do something the other has no interest in, or if one of us just needs a little "me" time, we're both fine with that. It just doesn't happen a whole lot.
My husband and I both work very differernt hours. I work 12 hour shift work, days and nights, while he works a Mon-Fri 9-5 kind of job. If we both have a mutual weekend off (which is maybe once or twice a month, max), I will give my friends the boot to spend time with my husband, or hang out with other couples. But because our schedules are so different, its easy to see my shift worker friends and other single friends on days off during the week. I feel like I get a good amount of time with both husband and friends.
I think independence is incredibly important to the health of a relationship. My husband and I spend time apart doing our own thing on a regular basis - him seeing friends a couple nights a week, me either doing the same or having alone time. We also have staggered schedules so that we have a little time to ourselves at home every day. It's a great balance for us and we love it.
ooops!! I answered #1 but I probably should have answered #3 or #4, because I hang out with others WAY less. ME time isn't the same as girl time. Sorry I messed it up!
My husband and I spent most of our time together before we got married too. We don't get upset if the other person wants to have a girls or guys night, but we tend to go out together with other couples. We still get to see our friends a lot, and our family. We just happen to be together when we do it.
Due to our schedules, we get very little time together so when we DO have the free time, I want to be with him. When he is busy, I make sure to use those hours to do whatever I'd like (hang out with friends, read, etc).
So for that reason, I voted for I'd rather be with my husband than anyone - but that is probably because we already have outside things we do apart that have always been a part of our lives together. For example, he has always bowled on a weekly league - it's a night he gets to hang with the guys and do his thing. I used to use that night to hang out with my girls - now it's my night to spend alone or do whatever I'd like to.
I also have exactly ONE single friend - all the rest of the girls I grew up with or have been close to are married or coupled up by now. And single friend hangs with us all the time, she has no issue with it. I'm lucky that way.
I'm of two minds on this one. The first is that while I do enjoy spending time with my husband, and know that we need to have a certain amount to stay healthy, we definitely do a lot of things apart. I just went to Dallas for a week, and honestly can't say that I missed him super horribly. I did miss him, but I also had a total blast working and seeing a few friends. It was a great week. And he had fun having every night free to hang out with friends and go hunting and do "man things". Most of the time, life is a balance between hanging out at home, and doing things apart. And we like it that way.
On the other hand, since getting pregnant, I think there are a few ground rules now. I get really pissed if he tries to go somewhere smoky that I can't go to, and I'd have to stay home alone. I feel that since I cannot physically enter a smoky bar (without risking sever harm to our child), he shouldn't be able to go either. It takes two to tango, buddy, and you got me in this condition, so you better be prepared to forgo those get-togethers and watch a movie with me at home! Of course, if I have other plans, then I'm cool if he goes to play pool with his buddies, so long as he showers as soon as he gets home and puts his clothes in the washing machine so I don't have to smell them. Blech. Super-nose is not handy in this situation! It just seems to make a major difference to me now that I can't do certain things because I'm pregnant, wheras before I'd have no problems staying home if he wanted to go out to the bar to see a band play or something. I feel like now that I have to stay home, he should too.
I think the amount of time I spend with or without my husband has changed several times since we got married. I've definitely spent less time with friends since we were married, or even dating (though there were a lot of factors involved in that). When we moved to a new city I especially spent time mostly with my husband because I didn't really know anyone else that well, but I think I'm a bit more balanced now (especially with me working again and my husband in school -- we're forced to be apart a lot). I enjoy "me" time, though, and like it when I have opportunities to hang out with just women.
I definitely prefer to hang out with the hubs during the week, mostly cuz once we are both off work, we just want to eat dinner and lounge around. The weekends depend on who wants to do what. We would rather stay home and have people over then go out to the bar. So in answer to the poll, yes we get alone time, but we also prefer to do most everything together outside of work
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Before I was married, I was told when my friends "couldn't" hang out without their husbands, I would "understand when I got married" and that "things change". Do you think that's true?
I got married and I still think the same way. I think it's not healthy to always HAVE to be with your husband or BF and that you have to make time for yourself and for friends too. And family. What are your thoughts? Do you think since you recently got married you need to spend more time with your SO and create a stronger bond? Should that be for the first year or do you think married people should mostly hang out with other married people? Thoughts?
Do you find it HARD or EASY to make time for yourself and for your friends/family?