Post # 1
After going over the budget and the strict guest list of 100 people, my FI and I have decided that it would be best to have an adult only ceremony and reception. There are a few kids in the wedding, my Goddaughter (2) the flower girl, my sister (11) a junior bridesmaid, and a guest who is 12 (she is a close family friend, my maid of honor’s sister and my sister’s best friend).
There are no kids in my family, but there are a TON in my FI’s. I don’t want to offend anyone, but we also have to stick to what we can afford.
My questions are: How do I put it on the invitation? Where do I put it on the inviation? Should I speak to his family before the invitations go out? Should I also put it on the Wedding Website?
Post # 3
@TrinityLeeAnn: I’m going to be honest, if my kids weren’t invited and I saw kids there I would be confused. I think there needs to be a cut off. Whether it’s age or relation- there needs to be a reason you can give outside of “adults only” since people will clearly be able to see that there are kids there.
I would be a little leary of inviting a child who is a family friend but not including kids on your FI’s side. Is there anyway to include her in the wedding so you can give that as a reason for her presence?
I don’t think you should put “adults only” on the actual invite. I think you should just address the invites properly and perhaps write “___ seats reserved in your honor” on the RSVPs. I don’t think it’s necessary to speak to his family.
Post # 4
We had “Adults only reception to follow” or something like that on our invitation. We didn’t have any problems.
Post # 5
@TrinityLeeAnn: My DH and I attended a wedding like this where only “bridal party” member kids were invited…it did not go over well. One family had a flower girl and two sons, the sons were not invited.
We considered going down the road of no kids until we realized the extra head ache and hurt feelings that comes with this decision. For the relatively small number of kids it just wasn’t worth it especially as kids were significantly cheaper.
Either way there is no winning here. I think the age limit is a good idea but then parents always find a way. We even attended a no kids wedding a few months ago and were surprised to arrive and see the back wall lined with parents and their kids.
Post # 6
@Treejewel19: Geez, really? I don’t know that I’ve been to a wedding with young kids, with the exception of flower girls.
Post # 7
@TrinityLeeAnn: We’re inviting 2 children: my cousin, aged 12 1/2, and OH’s cousin, aged 11, who’s a bridesmaid.
Friend’s kids aren’t invited, for numerous reasons inc us not wanting small children there due to the type of wedding we are having and the fact we aren’t close to them, and space constraints; inviting a baby or small child who we aren’t close to and who won’t appreciate it = not inviting an adult who we are actually close to and who wants to be there; so, not happening.
Not one of our guests has had an issue. 2 guests may not be able to make it as they are currently expecting and so will have young (3 and 4 months) babies at the time of the wedding, but we accept and understand that.
Post # 8
@jackieee: we had the same. We only had 4 kids at our wedding…3 were in the bridal party and 1 was only 2-weeks old. We had no issues.
Post # 9
@jackieee: Yes, it was ridiculous. My BIL and SIL purposely stopped on the way to drop off our nephews as they were told over and over again no kids. Because of that they were late and as they walked in with us (we were almost as late) we all saw a long row of parents with small toddlers, babies and 5-6 year olds lining the back wall. They were a bit irritated that they had gone to such lengths to “obey” the bride and groom when cleary no one else did.
Post # 10
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
Yes, we have allowed it but we have highly discouraged it by telling the few parents that have asked that it will be an adult reception and they might not want their kids to be there after 9pm due to the drinking and naughty behavior that is expected from our other adult guess. Most have opted to hire a babysitter so they can enjoy the evening rather than have to leave early with their kid(s).
Post # 11
I invited people and put the parent’s names on the invite instead of (Father and Family). We wanted kids there, and ONLY bridal party kids actually came!
So I think “Adult only Reception of Follow” is adequate!
Post # 12
@jackieee: I hope mine turns out as well as yours did.
@MrsBeck: I think I am going to have to do without my maid of honor’s sister, which is fine. It is his family I am worried about. My FI is the youngest of his ENTIRE family (Paternal and Maternal) He has about 10 cousins, all married and all with multiple kids. One of his cousins has a 20 year old who just had a baby. It is just too many people. I hope people will understand that the 2 children in the wedding are there to be IN the wedding.
@Treejewel19: That is my biggest fear…that people will not care about what it says on the invitation and bring their kids any way. I am glad I don’t have to tell people that they can bring one child, but not the other. That would be a nightmare.
Post # 13
I don’t prefer inviting kids, but we have a mostly OOT guest list and I don’t want to make it even harder for them to attend my wedding by saying that their kids can’t come. If we get a lot of kids, I’ll probably hire a babysitter and set up a movie room.
Post # 14
I have never attended an adults-only wedding in all of my almost 50 years on the planet and I am sure I have attended well over 100 weddings by now! Weddings are regarded as family affairs in my circle. However I do understand why some people want an adults-only wedding even though they are not the norm here.
Post # 15
@TrinityLeeAnn: we limited ours to first cousins. DH has over 20 cousins, most of whom have kids. That was way too many people and we just couldn’t accommodate that many people so we said no second cousins. Everyone understood our decision so hopefully his family understands your decision!
Post # 16
Nope, no kids – at all. Everyone understood and actually appreciated a night/weekend away from the young ones. We only had a few guests with children, but knew that they had easily accessible childcare (ie could leave the kids with mom&dad or the ex). I also found a babysitter for one of my friends who considered bringing his son along when the ex didn’t want him for the weekend (his own mother!).
Things might have been different it we had been getting married in 2-3 years when my and his brother both had kids (I have a 9mo niece and his brother is expecting). But when we got married there were no kids in the family, therefore no reason to invite the chance for any of them to scream and fuss during my wedding.