Post # 1
My grandpa on my dad’s side died before I got engaged but he was always planned to be my officiant and besides that we were really close and I never really got to say goodbye so I feel like I haven’t really accepted it. So needless to say this is a big downer as far as the planning goes since I’m supposed to be getting married at the church he and my grandmother started themselves. So yeah, that sucks.
And then on top of that my grandmother on my mothers side (who’s been ill since 2001) died last November. Now she got put on life support the whole family got to say goodbye before she got taken off but my biggest regret was not being there when my grandfather passed so I stayed night and day with my grandma for three days and left one time for ten minutes and my dad called me and literally said “your mom needs you to come back because theres something she needs you to pick up.” Knowing my mom would NEVER allow anyone to give me any bad news on the phone (it happened once, she was pissed) I knew since I was already in town and my dad called me back to the hospital because my mom needed me to pick up something, something was wrong. So I ran a stop light, Parked in a handicap spot and ran five floors in time to catch her last breath. And this was a lot worse because my Fiance had gotten close to her and so he was crying along with my entire family. It was a disaster.
My life sucks. So basically the whole point of this was to vent a little and ask if you ladies are having or already had a wedding with someone you love dearly missing, and if so how did you commemorate them?
Fi’s grandfather passed right before we started dating but he was still a big part of his life so we are having blown up pictures of his grandpa on his side and my grandma and papa on my side.
Thanks for actually taking the time to read it all.
Post # 3
I am so sorry for your losses. 🙁
I am not missing anyone due to death, but I am missing someone very important and close to me due to his own stupidity. My brother is in prison, and he was OUT, after being in prison for 7 years! He was out for six months, and all the plans were for him to walk me down the aisle… and now he is locked up again, this time for 12 years, so no, he won’t be at the wedding. We’d set our timeline hoping he’d be out and able to be there. 🙁
It’s a long story, but yeah, I am really bothered by it and at first I didn’t want to go through with the wedding at all.
Post # 4
@MsInterpret: I am so sorry. My cousin was in prison and we had to have a petition signed in order for him to come out on leave to go to my grandfathers funeral. And I completely understand the want to not go through with it. I had originally talked with my mother that we would move the wedding up if we had most of the plans set but she went a little too soon for that. So who is walking you down the aisle now?
Post # 5
oh I feel for you so much! It must be amazing to be married in the church that your grandparents built and spent so much time.
My Mom died suddenly and my older brother was sick and he died too, a few years later.
My dad gave her a locket with their picture in it on a “bicycle built for two”…. and I’m going to wrap that in my bouquet and we are playing that song (Daisy Daisy) somewhere during the wedding!
I saw a bee that had glass candle holders with a place card in front of them, i think there were 5 with white candles, with the people’s names who’ve passed. I think i’m going to do that.
A friend of mine’s dad died shortly before she was engaged, and her something new from her mom was an etched picture of her dad on a pin that she wore on her dress. It was beautiful.
Post # 6
@HisIrishPrincess: As far as the church it is! But I’m a little worried the new pastor won’t like my dress (my family is Pentecostal holiness) so I’m scared he’ll tell me no. But I am soo sorry for your losses. I couldn’t imagine losing my mother, she’s been my rock through everything. She raised me on her own. She’s actually the one walking me down the aisle. But I love the candle idea. It’s very sweet.
Post # 7
We mentioned to our rabbi that between the two of us, we only have three living grandparents (out of eight). We are having her say something during the ceremony to commemorate the fact that they could not be here to witness this, but they’re in our hearts.
Maybe your officiant can say something to that effect? Or you could light candles honoring them, or have a blurb about them in the program?
I’m sorry for your losses, and I hope you’ll still manage to enjoy the day to its fullest.
Post # 8
@crh1729: aww thanks….. That’s so sweet that your mom is walking you down the aisle! I hope he will like the dress… why wouldn’t he like it? I know in my church we have to wear a sweater over bared shoulders… is it something like that?
I like Miss OBG’s suggestion too, mentioning them during the ceremony!
Post # 9
We both last a grandparent to Liver Cancer this year. He now has no grandparents left. It’ll be hard.
Post # 10
@crh1729: I am not sure but I am thinking my mom will walk me down the aisle! Which is a big turnaround from a few months ago when we weren’t speaking and I didn’t think she’d come at all. I haven’t decided if it will be her of my oldest son (he is 18)..
I like the candle idea too! As for my brother, I am going to at least be able to send him pictures after and hopefully I will have video to save for him when he gets out! I wanted to write him and “chew him out” for the whole thing but I just couldn’t do it. He is beating himself up enough as it is.
Post # 11
Sorry about your losses.
My grandpa was diagnosed with a terminal illness just a couple months after he announced he was seeing someone who was not my grandma. Now he’s living with that woman in the states (I’m in Canada) and we will not be coming to the wedding.
Post # 12
Sorry to hear of everyone’s losses. Definitely makes the day bittersweet.
I lost my only sibling, Adam, in Dec. 2009. He was 8 years younger than me, and we were very close. We still lived one street away from each other. He died very unexpectedly in his sleep, from obstructive sleep apnea. My aunt died 7 weeks later from metastatic breast cancer. Adam would have been the 2nd groomsmen in our wedding. We are not replacing him.
I intend on mentioning him in our wedding vows. . . . something along the lines of, “remember all our loved ones who are not here with us today”. I also plan to make a charm for my bouquet, and have an “in Loving Memory” candle on the fireplace mantle at our venue, and fill it with pictures of Adam, my aunt, my dear grandfathers, and my fiance’s grandparents as well. I don’t want to turn my wedding into a memorial, or upset my already devastated parents, but it’s important to me to have some kind of acknowledgement of my brother.
Post # 13
@crh1729: I’m so sorry for your loss… But you have to remember the last thing he would want (I’m sure) is for any sadness from you on your day.
@birkenstockbride: I am so sorry for your loss… a sibling… is the hardest thing to lose. I lost my little brother, he was only alive for about a week or so, I can only imagine how hard it would be if I would’ve formed a stronger relationship with him. I am so sorry, and don’t feel bad turning your wedding into a “memorial” I feel the same way about it, and I just know I will feel much better commemorating them than brushing it under the rug. People will understand, just try to put up playful and happy pictures.
I will be putting up pictures, and candles with memorial poems for those I have lost, and I’d like to ask the priest if we can light one of those candles for special intentions (Catholic Church) for them during the mass. I would feel so much better if we could. I’d also like him to mention them during the mass..
Post # 14
Oh I’m so sorry for everyone you’ve lost.
I’m going to miss my little brother, who will be deployed. He’s only 21 and missed my sister’s wedding two years ago because he was deployed. I feel so bad that he’ll miss it by about a month 🙁