Post # 1
Hi everyone, Aimeegirl here.
I rec’d a phone call last week from a woman that I call "aunt" but she is not a blood relative, nor is she even really FAMILY. She is also someone who lives maybe 20mins away but we only SEE her maybe 1x a year. She’s got expensive tastes and has been known to be pretty shallow about material things. Needless to say, she isn’t really one of my favorite people but because we consider her to be like family, we all just deal with it and ignore her remarks, etc.
So my "aunt" tells me that she has decided that as long as she doesnt have to take out a 2nd mortgage, she will buy me my wedding dress. I was excited because, lord knows money is ALWAYSSSS an issue and I’m so lost, i don’t even know what my budget is yet. But knowing that i’d spend a couple hundred at the very least, i was happy to cross the dress off of the list! I mentiond that when one of my BMs comes up from FL in June that she wanted to go look at dresses and what not at David’s Bridal.. I am totally up for that and mentioned it to my aunt figuring, since she’s spending the $$$ maybe she’d want to come along for "fun". She nearly laughed me off the phone and said "I was thinking maybe we could just go into the city to Kleinfeld’s!" And i’m thinkin’ to myself, holy crap.. that would be expensive, right?? I’m a BIG GIRL but i’m 70lbs down from what I weighed in January and i’m hoping to be at least another 100+lbs less by my big day.. but I dont know if I want anyone spending over $1,000 on a wedding dress for me!!?
ALSO, do you think that what people say about folks giving you $ or paying for parts of your wedding, that they want some creative control?? Is she gonna end up making me choose the dress that SHE wants??
KLEINFELD’s MANHATTAN: http://www.kleinfeldbridal.com/
Post # 3
Well for one thing, if you are planning on losing that much weight, you should really wait to order a dress until you get closer to your day. If you don’t want her spending that much on a dress for you, simply tell her that. "Thank you so much for your generosity, but I don’t think I would feel comfortable having you spend that much money on a dress for me at Kleinfeld’s. We can go and look if you like, but I would really like to try to find something at David’s Bridal."
If someone is giving you money for your wedding, you should ask up front how much decision making they want to be involved in. That way you know what to expect, and you can choose whether you want to accept the money (with those strings).
Post # 4
Oooh.. sticky situation. You don’t want to bite that hand that feeds you, right?!
I don’t think she’s saying she wants to choose your dress for you- but definitely include her in the process & value her opinions since she’s forking over the cash! You know her best, is she the type of person who would not buy a dress unless SHE loved it?
I just saw that you wish to lose another 100lbs (good job on the 70 down!) before your wedding day? Girl, that’s like 10 sizes! I would say definitely hold off on dress shopping, especially since you aren’t getting married until 2010. Maybe tackle the dress shopping issue next January once you’re smaller & have more details planned out!
The dress plays a part in the overall feel of the wedding, eg: if its super spiffy and you’re having a BBQ- things wouldn’t match up!
Post # 5
I believe Kleinfeld’s starts at $2000 (call to confirm). I would simply ask her if she knows that and if she does then go for it. It’s very generous of her. She will most likely want some imput so I would bring some bridal mags over to her house so you can both look at them together and judge if your ideas will mesh. If they don’t just be honest with her. I’m sure she wants you to be happy.
Also clarify if she’s going to pay for alterations too. Some places start at $300 so if you are covering that cost yourself, you need to be prepared for that.
Post # 6
@Habibi – I think it’s $1500, but I could be wrong.
Post # 7
It might be easier to ask her if she would like to choose a store to go looking in. Then you can get an idea of the price range she is considering without having to ask her directly.
Post # 8
All great ideas girls.. thank you! Also… as for the weight loss thing… I am not planning on getting MY dress for many many months yet.. but since my BM is coming from FL for a week this June (ANd I prob won’t see her before the wedding after that visit) she was feeling sort of left out of the fun and planning, its just a bonding thing for us girls really. I planned to do the girly thing and try on a few dresses and swirl around is all 🙂 And since my aunt does want to buy my dress, i thouht she might want to be included in that as well. Soo i guess we’ll see! Kleinfelds does have beauuuutiful dresses.. but again.. $1500-2000 seems extreme for an article of clothing you wear ONCE. I want it to be special but not while breaking her bank.. that isn’t worth it to me.
Post # 9
Aimeegirl – I just received an email from The Knot about Kleinfeld’s sample sale on 4/28. Since you aren’t ready to shop yet I would sign up for their emails so you can be alerted of sales. Saks, Mark Ingram also have sample sales once or twice a year. Keep your eye out and you might be able to score a deal.
Post # 10
I think there’s no harm in looking and "feeling out" your aunt if you are comfortable having someoen else buy your dress. Personally, i wouldn’t want ANYONE but myself or my parents to have bought that for me. Since i’m paying for my own wedding, they decided to buy my dress. Mom said it’s something a mother should do. Course, mine was $400. I would feel weird taking a $2000+ dress from an aunt or anyone like that. I don’t think it hurts to go look at styles and whatnot though. It’s good motivation for your weight loss to see yourself in wedding dresses, too esp since you want to lose a significant amount of weight!
Are you close with your mom? Ask her how SHE feels about it. She may not like the idea of being upstaged by another family member. I know my ma would have been hurt.
But you are right, money is always an issue!
Post # 11
Eep, yea, I see what you mean about not wanting her to necessarily choose your dress for you. I say go, see what she likes, see what you like, and maybe you’ll find some common ground.
One thing I’d do, since you want to lose a lot of weight…tell her that you’d rather get a less expensive dress because you know that the alterations may cost more, depending on how much weight you lose and where you lose it. As a girl who’s gone through repeated weight gain and loss, I know how frustrating the whole buying clothes thing can be…I’m going through this for my wedding day right now as well! I’m waiting until I lose half the weight I want to lose to even go shopping- I figure I can get it altered from there.
Best of luck to you!