Post # 1
My bf and I come from two total opposite families. His family is well off with money and are very proper. They always have formal dinners and invite all their friends over and splurge on expensive wine and good food. My family on the other hand considers any wine over $5 to be too expensive. They are cheap and consider Black Angus a delacacy (but I still love them).
Anyways, growing up, my mom was an alcoholic. When she drinks, she gets really really mean. I love my mom but I’m extremely embarassed of her. My bf and I want to have an open bar at our wedding but I am so nervous that my mom is going to take advantage of it and ruin my wedding. She and my father divorced 28 years ago and to this day she still gets jealous of his girlfriends. I know my dad will invite his now wife to my wedding. Shes been there for me and is a part of my life, too. I’ve been so stressed that I have considered not inviting my mother to my own wedding. You just cant predict what she is going to do next.
I know that I have to invite her but honestly I dont know what I am going to do with her. I dont want to skip the open bar for everyone (75-100 ppl) just because of my mother and I definately dont want to baby sit her the whole time. Plus, my mom has never met my bf’s side of the family and I dont want her saying or doing anything that could potentially ruin my life with my future husband.
Has anyone had any issues about not inviting family members and did it cause any drama between you two?
Post # 3
I would have a trusted relative explain to the bartender than she is not allowed to have any alcoholic drinks at the beginning of the reception.
Post # 4
I am not inviting a LOT of people because of drama. One of my cousins is known for drama, so she is not coming. A lot of my aunts and uncles aren’t invited, because they don’t like my fiance. He doesn’t have a lot of money, and money is important to them. Also, FI is Puerto Rican and they have a problem with that. I don’t want anyone there who isn’t supportive, simply so they can get free food and entertainment.
Post # 5
Could you maybe sit down with your mum and explain this? My mum has had issues with alcohol and, though she is better now, sometimes she still needs reminding. Also, do you have any friends or family members that could babysit her for the night instead of you? If you sit her at a table with a few family members you trust, and let them know not to let her drink too much, perhaps that would work?
Post # 6
Yes, I did not include any of my Mum’s family. Her sisters have not spoken to her since 2001 over a stupid little thing that turned into world war 3. Both Aunts I would love to have there but its not worth the stress and drama it would cause Mum. I did ask her and she said it was up to me.
I think that weddings are stressful enough without adding any strss and undue anxiety.
Post # 7
a good friend of mine has a father who must be the male version of your mother. at his wedding he made a special bottle of scotch just for his father…it was mostly emptied and then water and food color was added so it looked like regular scotch. the bartender was given the bottle along with a picture of his dad and told that whenever he come up for a drink, he got served out of that bottle and only that bottle. it worked like a charm. hope this helps, good luck.
Post # 8
@Daisymh: If I were you, I’d get a couple of people to subtly “babysit” her. Also sit her FAR away from your dad and his new wife. I think you’ll regret not inviting her, and honestly it seems a bit unfair not to invite her.
To answer your question, yes I am cutting people from my guest list for fear of drama. We’re eloping. I never wanted a big wedding… I was never one of those girls who dreamed of a big, white wedding.. am an introvert, etc., and my bf has done it all before and also wants something small. It was between a small wedding (just my mom, sister, 2 best friends) or eloping, and now we want to elope. My mom and sister are both fairly anti-marriage, don’t see the big deal, and when I mentioned my idea of a small wedding, they both had negative things to say. I just thought screw it… we’ll elope and avoid all the drama.
It doesn’t sound like you have the option of eloping at this point.. you just have to be a bit strategic. You could even try talking to your mom about the wedding and see how she responds when you tell her you’re concerned she will drink too much. I think though that having people in place to make sure she doesn’t do anything stupid is your best bet.
Post # 9
Haha @sianna1301 that cracked me up! I love that idea.
I have talked to my grandma about my concern and she told me she would watch my mom, but honestly my grandma is pushing 82 and there is only so much she can do.
Post # 10
I have also cut my guest list substantially. None of my immediate family on my mom’s side including my mom and step dad like my fiancé. They are blaming things out of his control as well as they think they are better than other people( everybody). My mom even said something about when the officiant ask if anyone objects. They have never taken the time to get to know him. Since that day is about the bride screw them. I’m personally not gonna have them ruin my day. I’m also including on invitation, you have to bring invitation to get in.
Post # 11
- Wedding: September 2014 - Lodge
I’m debating it. I have an aunt and uncle (brother and sister) who always fight at family functions. As in at my high school graduation party were in the middle of the street toe to toe screaming at each other, to my neighbors amusement, very embarassing. I also have a cousin who likes to drink and party but of course can’t hold her liquor and at another cousins wedding passed out at the table at only 8pm.
Post # 12
@Daisymh: Ive inviteted everyone, even thhose I know who cant behave. Im anxiious about it but hoping I will be so caught up in the day that somone drunk as a skunk rolling on the floor will get stepped over. Eek.