Post # 1
I am not on the boards too much any more but have seen quit a few, “we are engaged with out being engaged” type posts. DH and I were togther for 5 years, had kids, house, etc, but I never considered myself engaged until he propsed. I guess I have seen a lot of people talk the talk, but when it comes time it doesn’t happen, so until he asked I would not have considered myself engaged before that point.
Do you consider it engagement if none of this has taken place?
Post # 3
Personally, I wouldn’t have considered us engaged until he proposed, but I think that somebody is engaged whenever they decide they are, if that makes sense. Some people, like me, wanted the proposal (and the ring, I guess, but I would have said yes to no ring), but others just talk about getting married and decide that’s when they are engaged, which I think is fine too.
Post # 4
Nope, not engaged in my opinion until he has proposed and there is a ring.
Post # 5
I consider it engagement once one of the parties propose. A ring isn’t necessary to call it engagement as not everyone can afford a ring right away, I am aware that some couples shop for one together after the proposal.
Post # 6
For me…it’s when he has presented me with the ring and asked formally! We talk about marriage a lot and he will casually ask or vice versa … But for me it won’t be real until the ring is on my finger!!! 🙂
Post # 7
I think if you’ve both discussed it and mutually decided you’re getting married, then you’re engaged. You dont need a ring to make it official.
Post # 8
Generally, I think you’re engaged when someone proposes and someone else agrees. But there are circumstances were couples just agree to get married, and they’re just as engaged as couples where someone went down on one knee. It just depends on the couple. But I think, overall, people perceive themselves as engaged once a proposal happens, and the perception is the important part.
Post # 9
Call me old fashioned, but no ring, no engagement. It doesn’t have to be a diamond, it doesn’t have to be expensive, it can just be a placeholder, but there has to be something.
Post # 11
I only say ‘proposed and a ring’ because I was dating a (real loser) and he’d propsed to me sort-of but never actually got around to buying a ring even suggesting that I could buy it myself. When he dumped me he said that we weren’t ever engaged. At that point I decided that for me it had to be both, but I really think it’s up to each person. That being said I’ve run into many women who say they are engaged, but when you ask their partners they look paniced and confused.
Post # 12
You are engaged when the two of you agrees that you are engaged, or simply put that you will get married. This could be done by him asking and you saying yes.
Post # 13
For me it was when there was a ring and a proposal. For others the ring may not be able to come iommediately but I’d say you can say you are engaged when there has been a proper question and answer. I suppose for me a ring makes it more thanjust words? That’s probably what I’m used to based on societal standards, I’m sure there are other things that make engagements official other than rings depending on the couple.
I don’t think picking out venues and wedding planning etc when you haven’t formally said yes we are getting married, means you are engaged. I think it means you are putting the cart before the horse and a bit too excited about planning a wedding.
Post # 14
It all depends on what you decide upon as a couple. We’ve personally agreed that we will be engaged when he proposes and he insists on having the ring when he does.
Post # 15
He asked me 5 times casually with out a ring … I didn’t say yes rill
i got a ring cause it didn’t feel real
and I knew had the ring so I was patient
Post # 16
@ieatunicorns: Until FH officially proposed (which in our case meant he gave me the ring, I was so excited I never actually gave him the chance to get the words out…) we were not engaged. We knew we would get married, and talked about ‘when we get married’ with people, but did not consider ourselves engaged or getting married until the ring was on my finger (although I don’t think you NEED a ring to be engaged). I used to joke that we were engaged to be engaged.