Post # 1
My husband and i have been married for almost 2 years (in July), we are buying a new house and i just started my career last year after completing my masters. I am 29 years old, turning 30 at the end of this year… and the big question that has been on my mind is if i want kids. My husband and i always go back and forth on our decisions (but mostly for having kids), i think our problem is that we dont want to sacrifice our freedom.. Sure, nobody looks forward to this, but it really bugs me that something is going to be dependent on me 24/7 for the next 18 years… When i go to the store and i see a disgusting crying, screaming kid i cringe and dread the day that i am THAT mother i am glaring at in annoyance.. I like sleeping in on the weekends and not having to do a darn thing all day if i feel like it… But when i think of not having children i feel like i am robbing myself of an experience.. and if i dont have children i will regret it more down the road when its “too late” to conceive. My sister-in law is the same age as me and she is due in July… we always wanted to have our kids to be around the same age which means my husband and i would need to start pretty soon. I know i am sounding like a completely selfish brat but i cannot help but feel this way. Has anybody else had all these feelings but still had kids?
Post # 3
@nellie_pie: I used to feel that way all the time. I HATED kids. I called them sticky little brats all the time.
But then… it was around Christmas time, and I was baking cookies for me and my FI.
I started thinking about when I was a kid, and helping my mom bake cookies, and decorate them with frosting… and I remember waking up at 3am on Christmas morning and sneaking out into the living room to open presents.
For some reason, that specific Christmas, while baking cookies for my FI, I changed my mind about kids.
Yeah… they’re still sticky little brats, and they cry and whine and scream… but, it doesn’t bother me as much.
For me personally, my mother and my sister had fertility problems… and I’m turning 29 this year. If I want to have kids, I need to do it soon. That also helped change my mind about having kids. It’s not like I can put it off and come back to it in 10 years. I don’t have that luxury.
If you’re not feeling like having kids is something you want right now, that’s totally fine. Maybe it’ll just come to you one day, unexpectedly. 🙂
Post # 4
I feel the same way.
I wan’t and have always wanted to be a mother, but I also love being able to do whatever the hell I want.
Since I do want kids, I’m going to start trying after the wedding, I’m 27. I think after having a child I’ll miss being able to have that freedom, but I won’t regret my choice. It will just be a different kind of joy, a more exausting kind of joy LOL.
Post # 5
I don’t think There is ever a perfect time to have kids, however, having kids just so they can be the same age as someone else’s does not sound like a good reason to start TTC. I do believe you should fully want a child before you have one, everyone likes to sleep in and do those things, but it’s a matter of if you WANT a child right now or not. If you don’t, then you don’t and you shouldn’t try. if you don’t do it now, it doesn’t mean you can’t do it in a few years
Post # 6
There is no ideal time to have children. That said, I wouldn’t make the decision to have a baby just because you are worried you will be “robbing yourself of an experience”. Wait until the thought of children is more than worrying you will regret NOT having them. And maybe you’d be a good candidate for fostering or adopting an older child someday.
Post # 7
I think one of the best things you can do is to try to change how you see children.
It is common for people to think of children as disgusting, annoying, bratty, and horrible. What many people fail to realize is that children who are, shall we say, unpleasant, are not usually that way on their own and for no good reason. That usually comes about because their needs haven’t been attended to in a timely matter, or at all, and they’re not getting satisfactory attention, guidance, and training.
Children are not the awful little beings that so many people think they are. They are brand new people who are not in control of their environment, parents, or training. They have needs that they cannot take care of on their own, and do need time and attention, but that’s not a bad thing, that’s just a part of being human.
Children are capable of a lot of things, and they are a lot of fun. If there’s a certain way you want to live, you’ll likely be able to live that way with children. Traveling, having down time, and maintaining your own personality are all possible with them.
Just like with anything and anyone else, when you learn about children, being around them and dealing with them becomes much easier. Take some time to learn about them — it doesn’t take that long — and you’ll be better able to make an informed decision.
Google or search “childhood growth and development chart” for a good introduction to children. This is a good one that I came across not too long ago: http://www.longstreetclinic.com/pediatrics/child-development-stages/
Post # 8
I knew it was the right time for me when I went from getting annoyed when I would hear babies cry at my store to going “awwwww”. Also there was a little creeper in me that wanted to go up at start picking up and cuddling stranger’s babies. 6 months before you couldn’t pay me enough to hold a baby.
Not saying there is a magic switch that gets flipped for everyone, but apparently I have one and didn’t really need to do anything to change my thought process.
Post # 9
@nellie_pie: I always notice/hear a lot of people saying “there is never a perfect time to have a baby.” I see what they mean (you could always have more money saved, a better job, a bigger house, or whatever) but I think that you can certainly get to a really good place, and be really excited about it. For me and my husband, this was when we were 32 (me) and 29 (him). I’m pregnant now, at a pretty ideal place and time in our lives, and we couldn’t be happier! I just was too “selfish” before this-I wanted to travel and work and play and be spontaneous and live my life for just me and my husband. I still want to do these things, but we also just started to feel ready to incorporate kids into our lives. You are not selfish for realizing this, and waiting a few more years or more until you ARE sure and you DO feel ready is fine, and if you never want kids then that is ok, too!
Post # 10
@nellie_pie: Lots of people decide not to have kids, and it’s perfectly fine. Some people are amazing aunts/uncles/etc. and they find their fulfillment by loving other people’s children, but can still have their freedom otherwise. My favourite aunt and uncle are childless (I assume by choice, but I have no idea because it was never my place to ask) and they have always played a huge role in mine and my brothers lives. They also babysit friends kids regularly and have lots of children in their lives, but they have lots of extra money and can travel whenever they want, etc. Nothing says you need to have your own kids to enjoy kids in your life.