are you financially comfortable with…

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
2783 posts
Sugar bee

You’re the one who asks the girls, he asks te boys! Make sure they know upfront that there will be showers/parties/dresses to buy ad make sure she is ok with doing so

Post # 4
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@Ninteenthchance:  +1. Make sure expectations are set early on so that both sides know what they are agreeing to.

I always say no unless it’s family. I was MOH for my sister and believe me, I knew what I was getting into. I also did for one close friend who I consider family (just as a BM though). The financial expense can be a burdeon so if your wedding won’t be like that, make sure the guys and girls know that!

Post # 5
2818 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@AndysCraftsNmore:  I don’t see why you would ask his sister, since she’s HIS honor attendant. That said, I also don’t see why she would participate in throwing your shower or b-party. I’m sure she’d attend, but expecting her to pitch in for the event cost is like your FI expecting your male BFF to help pay for his bachelor party. And since you’re having co-ed bridal parties, hey, why not have a co-ed shower? That way, the expense is spread out among more people.

On the issue of money, that seems to bust up more bridal parties than anything else, so I never think it’s too early to discuss how much you estimate each person’s contribution would be and break down the amounts and let them know that you’d like them to be in your party and you’d like it if they can take some time to think about it, evaluate their situation and get back to you by x date about whether they think they are comfortable with the financial commitment. Then make it your responsibility to actually keep costs below that amount and cover any overages if they occur. Best wishes!

Post # 6
314 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I have yet to say no to being in anyone’s wedding. I didn’t really want to be in my brothers wedding bc well I hate being in weddings. I told my best friend hers was the last I will be in besides mine. Now she’s getting married 3 wks after my bro and I just know it’s going to be expensive to be in her wedding.

It’s so much to spend. I’m not being in anyone weddings after these two bc I never get to be a normal guest. I just hate the stupid dresses that “are so wearable again” but I never will wear! Haha I am NOT a wedding hater I just don’t like being in them. I want to just chill out and eat and spend $200 not $1000 or more.

I feel like if you think it’s going to be an issue for her money wise don’t have the brothers in your wedding. That way you can ask family members to do others ceremony related things like if you get married with a religious ceremony they can do a reading.

Now my brother expected my FI to ask him to be in ours which I’m sure Fi would do but I’m capping it at 4 attendants each. I bet neither my brother nor FI realize how much extra cash we need to spend per person. I would only have two but my two best friends are far away, so I want to ask my two closest girls from my home town to be in it too. More attendants = more drama, more gifts to buy, more flowers to buy, more opinions on the various parties details. And of course more people that you need to provide transportation for.

Post # 7
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

She’s a groomslady, right?

So your FI should ask her, and I don’t see why she’d be involved with your shower or bachelorette, except if she wants to attend as a guest! She’s not in your side of the line-up, she’s in his!

(Also, if she’s chronically short on cash, I would make her dress a gift to her, and let her do her own hair/make-up)

Post # 8
2783 posts
Sugar bee

@MrsPanda99:  I agree. I hate being in weddings, it’s really just too stressful for me financially and emotionally 

Post # 9
420 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@AndysCraftsNmore:  There are a few women in FIs side of the wedding party and he is responsible for asking them, not me.  However when it comes to dresses, we decided that they would wear the same thing as the girls on my side of the bridal party so I’ll communicate stuff like color and length of dress to them.

I would absolutely not let the girls on my side ask them to contribute for a shower.  Their job is to plan FIs bachelor party.  While his sister will definitely be invited to the shower, his friends who are in the wedding party probably won’t.

In addition, while I think it’s wonderful to want to and be able to spend ~$500 on a friends wedding – it shouldn’t be expected.  Her financial responsibility is get the dress (unless you’re offering to pay for dresses).  Everything else is dependant on what she wants to or feels she can contribute.  Her emotional responsibility is to stand up for her brother on the day of the wedding.  Things like bachelor parties are nice, but they’re not essential.



Post # 10
1626 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I have two men on my side, and FI’s best man is a woman. He asked her (she’s his best friend from college) and I asked my two guys. I texted one (he lives out of state) and I asked the other in person at a party, lol. I know, I’m totally lackluster. But I feel like you shouldn’t ask his sister because she’s a girl and so are you. That’s dumb. She’s not on YOUR side. And the same applies to your guy friend and your FI. Ask the people on YOUR side no matter if they have sausage or melons. 

ETA: I think I may have read this incorrectly, so sorry about that. But I’d have your FI talk to her and explain the costs and expectations to her up front and tell her “Look, we need you to understand XYZ and what we expect of you. If you do not feel you can meet this or that there may be problems down the road, please let us know so we can act accordingly.” But again, just because you’re a girl and so is she doesn’t make it your responsibility to talk to her. Especially since she won’t be on your side.

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