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we are not friends where i call their wives, but i would consider us friendly enough. i like his friends and i think they like me. i would invite them to our house for a football party etc, but i definitely wouldn't think oh wow i'm going out to the movies i'll call x or z, nah....
Im friends with his friends but not such great friends I would go out with them without him.
Yup. I'm in the same situation. FH has two groups of friends. One I love hanging out with and one I dread. They are all perfectly nice to me but I just have nothing in common with them and find them utterly dull. Also, to be perfectly honest, I have no idea why FH is still friends with them. They have nothing in common with him and they are just totally different type of people. FH and I are both professionals, live in the city, enjoy the finer things, have big career and life goals and love to travel. THose friends all live within a 5 mile radius of where they were born, have never really traveled, have no goals past the next snowboarding trip and their idea of a good time is a dive bar or playing Wii all night. Althought they've never said anything, I'm pretty sure they all think I'm stuck up and presumptuous.
Like I said, they are perfectly nice to me but I too try to avoid hanging out with them. I just get SO bored. FH knows how I feel about them so he doesn't presure me too much. But to be fair to him I try to hang out at least on a few occassions.
I'm pretty much friends with all of his friends - but definitely not to where we'd hang out without CW. However, one of his friends' SO and I are cordial just not exaclty friends ... I don't choose to hang out with her very often to be honest. We just don't have much in common.
i am in about the same situation as you tvilase, i get along really well with a couple of his friends but a majority of them i just have nothin. I dont dislike them but they are not my type of people i guess you could say. I dont tend to go out with FI either if he is going out with this ones, then i too, feel bad about it.
Does your FI get along well with ur friends?
I'm not that into some of his friends, one in particular. I entertain myself while they hang out, or I'll meet up with them for a drink and then go my own way for the rest of the night. I know it's important for him to keep up with this guy, but I feel like I've given him chances. It doesn't bother me at all that this is just one person we don't visit or spend time with together.
I feel really bad about it, but the vast majority of my fiance's friends are just not my type of people. Some of them I actually dislike, for many various reasons. Some of them have not been the greatest friends, some are just way to "urban" for me (no offense to urbanites here, its just not something I can relate to).
He has a couple of girlfriends from his college days, and one of them is pretty awesome. She is great to hang around, as is her boyfriend. The other girl has personally offended me a couple times though. I also think she had/has a crush on my husband... so there is that tension between she and I usually. I have never mentioned this to hubby, he is oblivious.
The girl friend of his best friend is nice and very kind, but his best friend is kind of a tool o.O!!
edit: when I say "girlfriends" I mean friends of his that are girls, not ex-girlfriends! haha
I like most of his friends except for 1 that we both used to work with. He is part of the 'drinking buddies' group and acts like an A-hole when he is drunk. He says gross comments, and I am not very tolerant of that behavior, especially as my dad is an alcoholic. Sadly, some of the friends I get along w/ the best are out of town, but I am not sure what it would be like if we lived close together. We get along great on vacation, but I am a very different person (more religious, etc.) than them, so I'm not sure if that would matter if we saw each other more often.
After my last BF, it has made me ? more how much people like me, rather than just being nice bc of the relationship. I thought I was actually friends w/ some of my exes friends (mostly the girls in the group), but I never heard a peep from them after he dumped me (and it's not like I did anything bad to him, the rel'nship just didn't have long-term potential, but who knows, maybe he told them something else!)
I would say I am more "cordial" with most of his friends, a few of them I like hanging out with (along with FI of course, never by myself!) but some of them are just awful! One of his friend's girlfriends who I used to try very very hard to be friends with has just become unbearable over the past few months, constantly commenting on my weight loss but never offering a compliment, instead I get, "you USED to have such a pretty face!" Like now I'm a gargoyle or something?
I'd like to hear your "long story"!
I really dislike being around his old high school friends, one which has been is roommate for the past 5 years. I like most of his college friends, but we never see them outside of functions. We need friends.
I think I'm one of the lucky ones...FI's friends & I get along really well, to the point that I have no problem hanging out with them without him. (FI REALLY appreciates this, since there have been a few times that his OOT friends have come to visit & he's been forced to work late/unexpectedly...he loves that I was able to entertain them until he was free/they left town) It probably helps that we've been together for 11 years & I've been able to get to know them over that time. It also helps that, while FI is a friendly guy, he made his closest friends when he was 5-9 years old & there are only 5 of them. All other "friends" he/we have made after that aren't nearly as close to him as these. It narrows down the field of people I "need to" get to know/get along with.
@ tvilase: If you're looking for advice on how to handle the friends you're just not into, I'd say to just keep it light & group-oriented & always keep in mind that you never have to like his friends as much as HE likes them; you just have to respect & be friendly enough to show him that, since you love him, you'll make his time with them as worry-free & enjoyable as possible.
oh! & I ditto lolabear! I'm interested in your "long story", too!
I am friends with his BFF (a girl) and am friendly with one of his female friends. I am becoming friends with one of his friend's fiancees, and I would hang out with all the girls without him (and have).
I am not "friends" with any of his male friends unless they are someone that I was already friends with anyway. The Boy and I have known each other for years before we got together so we do have mutual friends that we didn't meet because of one another.
Thanks everyone! I definitely feel better knowing I'm not the only one who hasn't bonded with his friends.
@ kellibella - the funny thing is that the majority of our friends are actually mutual friends. We were friends before we started dating and hung out will all of the same people. Most of my friends live in other states, but when he has met them, he seems to really like them.
@lolabear and ms.pascua - haha - well, the longer version is that over Halloween weekend these particular friends organized a camping trip. Now, I can handle camping...sort of...but this turned into one of those - hey, wouldn't it be fun to camp in the middle of nowhere in the desert where there is no plumbing anywhere! - situations. And I'll admit, that I can't handle. I agreed to go for my fiance's sake even though I was pretty sure I'd be miserable. And believe me, being stuck in the middle of nowhere with people you're already not comfortable with is a bad idea!! So it now just has me wondering if in the future I should just say no to these situations (well, believe me, I've already told FI no to any future camping trips!) or if I should continue to try and just deal with it for him. It's a fine line between his happiness and mine. At least he is very understanding about it!
I like all of my boyfriends friends except for one of them. for some reason he is really rude to me and talks to me like Im a 5 year old. Something I dont tolerate.
My situation is kind of like ms.pascua's - I get along really well with all of my FI's friends and he's the same with mine. We could both hang out with each other's friends without the other with no problem
It probably helps that FI and I were really good friends for 2.5 years before we started dating though so we hung out with this whole group of people as friends before now doing it as SOs.
Uhm I think I dont mind spending time with them once he's there, if not it will get awkward. And vice versa for my friends and him.
I still havnt met all FH's friends! Ive met maybe 10% or less. The ones i have met are nice i have no problems with them and wouldnt mind hanging out together. But I dont like the idea of him being friends with my friends or me being friends with his friends. I have seen way to many ugly divorces with picking sides etc.
I love hanging out with FI and all his friends. But I'm more of a "guy's girl" anyways, so I enjoy their company. Yes, they are immature and easily amused, but I am used to it and actually prefer their laid back attitude sometimes over hanging out with the girls. They love me too!
Yes! He has great taste in buddies. He likes most of my friends, too.
My FI's friends hated that he had a gf, so they just became so distant when we got engaged, like my FI had done something wrong. I felt so bad but we realize they were not good friends.
i can relate to the OP's situation. He doesn't want to hang out with them too often, so it's not a big deal. but when we do, i'm just nice and polite and roll with it, even though i'd never hang out with them on my own. meh. whatever. he spends enough time with my gigantic family that occasionally, i can tolerate the snobs (one end of the spectrum) and lowlifes (extreme other end) that he hangs out with sometimes.
Also---he has a lot of close friends who I do like very much and would be friends with, too! :)
my best friends are his best friends wives, so i consider myself very fortunate that we can all get together and get along really well!
I like all of my fiance's friends, except for one of them. I could write a book, but I'll leave it at that ;)
I like them all pretty much, except his buddies gf, this one chick man drives me CRAZY!! She can be alright but her voice is soo loud and annoying. She always kisses everyone, with this bright red lipstick. She leave this red lips on my husbands cheek. Literally everyone that visits she does this with. She knows i wont allow it on me, i am sour around her. I dread going over there. Her BF is great shes just annoying. The funny thing is i seen her today, i felt startled. she scared the crap out of me, it was the bright lips. Ps if me and my husband get into a fight thats the first place he goes is to their house, i think why, my POOR HB NEEDS A KISS. LOL, and YUK!!
Oh yea and another one of his buddies is dating a cougar and she drives me crazy too, she has a drinking problem and even drank while she was pregnant. She ran over her dog while drunk and pregnant and said now because this happened i have to get sloshed. I am shocked the kid is alive.
I'm fine with most of FI's friends as we have mutual friends (we went to college together), except for one girl. She posted congratulations notes on my facebook wall and in public she were very nice to me and even offer her help with the wedding prep. But when it all comes down to it, she only responds to my FI's emails/ calls/ messages, and completely ignores my emails/calls/messages.
WTF! I hate her and now she's already been included in the wedding now I have to see her face! GRRR should i just bite this one?
Sorry to rant but my wedding is in 5 days and I'm not sure why she turned into a complete b1tch on the few last days. I could've asked one my girls instead of her! GAH.
I am friends with most of FH friend's in the sense that I like hanging out with them (for the most part) and they're fun/ nice/ etc, but would I ever choose to hang out with them if FH wasn't around/ didn't invite them to our house? No.
There is this couple that comes over to our house a lot, and I like them, but I feel like whenever they come over, they want to be entertained. And sometimes, I don't feel like entertaining them, so I hide out in our bedroom. But then I feel bad because they know I'm there so I feel like I have to go out and say hi. So sometimes I get annoyed with FH for inviting them over because I just don't want to deal. It sounds stupid but sometimes I just want to be left alone. It's like, you're adults-- entertain yourselves!
we have been together for so long most of our friends are "our" freiends since we have known them all since forever! I will say though that my best friend was my friend up until recently- she is in a new relationship and the 4 of us just sort of click together. I would consider them both "our" friends now, but it took years to make the two of them click.
I'm okay with most of my FI's friends. They are all nice people and are nice to me, but I have nothing in common with them. I would never come across his friends in my regular life because we lead very different lifestyles. Just like the others have posted, I'm not sure why the FI has remained friends with them, but I guess it's hard to break a bond built from many years of experiences together.
I get along great with my FI's friends. I've even started getting my own "invites" to their parties and stuff! Several I wouldn't mind hanging out with if I lived closer to them (not just his female friends, either! In fact, I have a shopping trip to work out with one or two of his female friends...)
However, have been one or two that I was not crazy about and usually, my reasons turn out dead-on. They are no longer friends, either! and not because of me. :)
I've been invited to hang out with several of his friends without him and, hopefully, will get to do it more often (kinda hard to do with two young kids around, lol).
My advice for those who aren't the best of friends with your FI's friends is to keep it pleasant and, like others mentioned, group oriented. You aren't marrying his friends and he's not marrying yours.
Also, don't forget to talk to him about how you feel about his friends. I've done that several times with his. When that happens, he tries to allay my fears/concerns, explains them more, and then doesn't force me to be around them. (ok, so I HAVE gotten peeved about one or two of his high school classmates, but only because of the situation... and we worked it out.)
The most important thing is to talk it out and respecting each other's feelings.
I was actually friends with my husbands friends before we started dating. that is actually how i met him!
i do talk to some of the guys girlfriends but there's definitely some girls that i just have more in common with than others. as for all the guys, i talk to them and we go out for drinks with hubby.
my husband doesn't necessarily get along with my friends. he finds them rather drab but he'll come out to outings with me and he'll make an effort to be cordial/sociable and really thats all i can ask for!
Nope. We both have old friends that arent really in our lives now. And he has one friend that I can not stand. However that friend did all kinds of mean things in an attempt to make me and the bf break up... and bf is no longer friends wth him.
All but 1 that I've met or heard about. FI has alot of old military buddies that he only talks to once in a great while. For the most part any friends that he hangs out with alot I've met and we all get along.
There is this one girl though...I wish she'd drop off the face of the earth actually. She is an old friend from highschool who reconnected with FI 2 1/2 years ago through FB, she latched onto the fact that he was going through a divorce and although he swears he only looked at her as a friend it turns out she did not. WOW amazing right?? Guys can be so blind sometimes.
I had this whole reply typed out and when I read it back it sounded like I'm hi-jacking the post. Funny though, I was coming here to ask a similar question..
I personally don't like most of her friends. All catty and highschool like.
Hmmm, most of my FI friends are pretty kind :). Although one girl is racist, and one of his friends-sisters'-husband is a racist so I try to avoid those two..... (my FI does too for the most part >.<).
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Just curious. I don't want to get too into my own situation because then this post will just get long. And it's not even all that dramatic. The short version is: there is a couple that he's known forever that are his really, really good friends (the guy is in the wedding). They're perfectly nice to me and I'm perfectly nice to them, so it's not a dramatic or fight type situation. I just have very little in common with them and have always been somewhat uncomfortable around them. More and more I choose not to go out when my FI is going out with them but then I feel kind of bad about it. There's obviously more but that's the general gist of it.
Anybody else in a similar situation? How do you deal with his friends that you're just not that into?