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There have been lots of baby posts about who you're planning to have in the delivery room and I've noticed lots of woman have mentioned having their Moms in the room with them. I am wondering what's making people choose to have their Mothers in the room (along with DH)? and for people who had their Moms in the delivery room were you happy with that decision?
I had my mom both times! When it came down to it my mom was so much more help then Fi was. If i were to have any more babies my mom would still be in the room.
I probably wouldn't because I'll likely swear and my mom would be mortified. :) I think when that time comes, I am going to ask my SIL to come be with me, along with DH.
I had an emergency c-section with DS so noone but DS's dad was there BUT had I had a normal delivery she would have been, and had been in the room while I labored.
This go round she'll definitley be here!
My mom is pretty much my best friend, she keeps me straight when I act dumb, and is incredibly encouraging & affirming in the things I'm capable of doing.
DH is all of these things as well, but I feel that having them both with me here at home, with no meds, would be beneficiary.
I guess it's just that next to DH she's my go to person.
Dear God, no! I want my husband there, and if we decide on a Doula, of course she would be there, but no way in he** would my mother or his be in that room! I love my mother, I love his mother. But to me that's something that should be shared between a couple without other family members and friends being brought into it. They are more than welcome to sit in the waiting room or to visit after the baby was born.
Nope, my mom was not, my husband was.. I soo would not want her in there with me
I'd like to say it will be just me and DH, but realistically, I'm gonna want my mommy!!!!
@Miss Apricot: I totally agree. If other women want to have their moms, sisters, aunts, friends, etc. in the room, more power to them! But that's just not me at all. DH and I are both in agreement that we want it to be just us plus any key players (like the doctor or midwife).
There's is a good chance I will never need to make this decision, but I would only have DH in there.
@heathaah: The second time I was going to go with out my mom and I did just that I screamed "I want my mommy" The nurses were so nice to go get her for me lol...
No. My mom and I don't really have that kind of relationship. We're close, but she's a very... private person and really raised me to be the same way. Honestly last time it was fine with just my husband in the room, but my family wasn't there. This time it would be nice if they could at least be there at the hospital when she is born.
ETA: I know I totally just said "When she is born" lol. I guess it's no secret that I'm hoping for another girl!
I had DH and my mom in with me when DD was born and I loved having them both there. I am close with my parents and it just seemed natural to have her there and thinking back about how special it will be that she got to experience it bc my sister only had c-sections and my mom never saw us get delivered. I will def. have her there again, plus she has no problem speaking up if need be especially when you are in such a vulnerable and painful situation lol
My mom was there with my first and was my coach since I was young and no longer with the dad and my older sister who was suppose to be my coach was wasted and passed out (this reeks of a good time doesn't it).
With my second it was only DH and I and then my mom was there within minutes of her being born. Honestly, it was great to share that with my husband. I know my mom would have been helpful, but I think my DH might not have steped up so mch if she was there to step in.
@ms sweets: True. I love Mr.ND, but I'm generally the more assertive one in social or unfamiliar situations. If I want something and he'd be uncomfortable asking for it for me, my Ma would be all over it.
Then again, I don't know that I'd want her in there ALL the time (sometimes we get to annoy one another a bit). Totally not preg or TTC, but this sure is one interesting consideration. Never really thought of who would be in there with me. Hmm.
ETA: snoie, I had that thought as well. Mr.ND is an only, so these future babies would be their only grandkids. And I am NOT having FMIL in there (we're not that close, eep!). One more element to add into the decision, I guess.
While I'm not pregnant, this is one of the topics we are talking about before TTCing.
Right now, I want just myself and DH in the room. While having my Mom may be nice, I'm afraid that it will cause problems with my MIL and why she isn't in there. I feel like it's a competition with them - if my parents do something, then they have to do it too. For example, we asked them to help with something, they said no, so we asked my parents, who in turn said yes. My ILs had a cow and showed up to help too.
So because of this, the rule before we even consider having kids is just the two of us.
My first thought was no way, but I might be ok with it as long as she stayed in a spot with a restricted view. This is my first, but I've actually seen 2 babies born, and I have to say, watching twice was plenty. One was a cousin--her dad was a doctor, as were several of her many siblings, so I think the whole thing just seemed very matter-of-fact to her, and she invited about a dozen of us to come watch (I thought she meant go to the hospital and sit in the waiting room, but no, it turns out she meant come in the room). The other was my little sister. My mom's a biologist and also had a very matter-of-fact attitude about the whole thing, so she taught me and my brother all about it in advance and had to get special permission from the hospital, and we were both there, along with her own parents. I doubt I will be as mellow as either of them, so I doubt I'd want an audience to witness my reaction to labor :)
ETA: MIL? As cbee put it so well, "Hell no." :)
She's lovely and all, but no way.
I was allowed 5 people. I had DH, my mom, MIL, aunt, and grandmother. It is a special time and I wanted them to be able to share it. They took turns supporting me and DH cut the cord. To each their own, I don't get the whole "bonding time" thing. Are you not going to be able to bond with the child the rest of it's life? lol I think it is more of a modesty aspect for most. I have a very tight knit family so them not being invited was not even a thught in my mind.
@Storm0075: I guess I'm just really blessed that my mom would know when to step in and when to be a "fly on the wall"..... I know she'll be GREAT through my labor and when it's time to have that moment with just me, baby, and DH, she'll step back & probably start helping my midwife get things cleaned up.
MIL is a WHOLE nother story though and I'm sure that, while totally unintentional, she'd make the whole thing shift to be about her. So she's definitley a no go.
@Storm0075: I think for me personally, "bonding" was really more about my husband and I having that non frenzied few quiet minutes together before the rush of craziness and visitors, to just be with each other and take in the moment. That was really really nice. It's not everyone's style, but it's a perfectly legitimate thing to want and need that time with just your SO to "bond" with your newborn.
My fiance, mother, mother in law and moms best friend (like my aunt) were all in the room = ) and probably will be again next time!
I didn't know that was even possible but thinking about it, I definitely would.
My mom is an expert in child bearing LOL. She would calm me down as she always does.
If my mom could be there, then I would let her. But we live 1,000 miles away, so you never know if she would make it or not. However, I can soundly say that my MIL would never ever be in the delivery room with me. No way on this planet.
Not preggers, but I've given this some thought - probably not for me. I'm more of the attitude that it's a time to be shared between my H and me, without other participants. And if it turned out I really wanted someone else there, or my H couldn't be there for some reason, I'd probably go with one of my very levelheaded, straightforward, and supportive friends. My mom is supportive but very emotional and I just don't see that working out for me in that kind of situation.
Not pregnant, but nope. I don't even know my mother so it's not even on the radar. I will only have now FI, then DH in the room with me if/when we have children.
She was supposed to, with me & my SO, but I had an emergency c-section, so it was just us, as only one person in surgery with me.
My mom doesn't want to be in the delivery room. I guess it's not her thing.
My mom's not local so I've gotten used to the idea that she won't be in the room. Part of me is glad because I think it will be so special being just me and DH; however, another part of me KNOWS I will actually wish my mom was there. She's coming to town a week after my due date so I guess if I'm late she could be. Bottom line, I feel like she'd be really comforting, while DH is likely going to be a nervous wreck. Like a pp said, I am more assertive in unfamiliar/social settings so I'm a bit nervous about him stepping in to intervene if need be.
Also, you couldn't pay me enough to have MIL in the room, and I am closish to her too, but still- it seems way too private to expand to anyone besides DH or my mom. I'd have my dad before I had any in-laws!
I don't want anyone in my delivery room, when I have children. And I don't especially want to be in anyone else's delivery room when they give birth either... eh.
I had DH and my stepmom in the room. My step mom has been around for the last 4 years, but I'm much closer to her than my mom or my MIL. Shes a nurse too, so I wanted that reassurance that I wouldn't get pushed into medical procedures that I didn't want. Plus DH isn't good in hospitals. My MIL was a resounding hell no though, despite her best efforts. Love her but she stresses me out on a good day.
Umm, that is a big old NEGATIVE. I am extremely close to my mom but there is no way I want anyone other than DH (and medical personnel of course) in the room when I'm giving birth. Even my mom has said that she doesn't want to be there when the baby is born as she thinks that is something that should be shared between a mother and father only. In mom's own words "Childbirth is not a spectator sport". Hence, no guilt about not asking mom (or MIL, whom I also love dearly) to be present!
I had... DH, my sister, my mom...and my dad. I needed my mom for calmly talking me through it, I needed my sister for mental support, I needed both DH's hands and my dads hands to squeeze during contractions but then when it came time to push, my parents went in the sitting area of the delivery room and didn't watch until baby was born. Once in awhile my mom would come over to wipe my face or give me a pep talk but without them...I don't know what I would have done. I think I would have been way more scared and nervous.
DH was too nervous to really support me other than physically be there for me to hold on to and he was comforting in some ways. He's learned and he's got this now - it will just be him and I in there this time :)
As of right now the plan is for DH, mom, my sister, and our doula to be in the room. We are checking wuth the hospital to see how many people will be allowed in the room--if it's only 2 people, it will be DH and our doula.
But I'd like my mom there...she's the person I always call when I'm sick, I know I'm going to want my mommy.
My mom was there, at first I didn't want her to be but it was the best thing of my life fihad one leg nurse had the other and mom was there with water and a cold towel for my forehead! I loved my super team! Plus doesn't everyone love when moms there to take care of them only she knows what her baby really wants!
No way! I have made it very clear to all that no one will be at the hospital until we give the "all clear" call let alone in the delivery room.
I'm guessing I'll have my SO, Mom, Mother in Law and maybe Sister in Law. SIL is a nurse and has had a couple kids, so I think she would be a great advocate. MIL has a calm presence that my mom totally lacks, but I think my mom would also be my distraction and comic relief.
I'd like to have my best friend in the delivery room, since my mom won't, but FI said no. they have a very explosive and angry relationship. They pretty much only deal with each other for my sake.
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