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Things I've learned from being a bridesmaid....

Are you inviting your officiant to the reception?

posted 3 months ago in Etiquette
  • 1 Members Subscribed To Topic
  • poll: If you have NO relationship with your officiant, are you inviting him/her to the reception?
    Yes. : (35 votes)
    56 %
    No. : (27 votes)
    44 %
  •  
    1.
    Member
    1,163 posts
    Bumble bee
    NJmeetsBX    April 2012   DC

    I am reluctant to invite our officiant to the wedding reception.  I understand that this is traditional etiquette however we hired him just like any other vendor.   We are not having a rehearsal dinner, it's a short ceremony.  He is an officiant for hire.  He's great but we have no prior relationship to him.  What do other bees in this situation do?

     
    2.
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    4,834 posts
    Honey bee
    deathbydesign    February 18, 2012   Lives in Ontario, married in Quebec

    We're inviting our officient to the reception, but he is also the pastor of our church and is traveling 500km to be at our wedding, so yeah lol.

    I don't think you need to invite your officiant.

     
    3.
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    2,146 posts
    Buzzing bee
    MapleBecky    July 9, 2011   Canada

    @NJmeetsBX:  We did, but he declined.  He had a 6pm mass and my reception started at the same time.  He did pop by quickly between the dinner and dance.

     
    4.
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    1,160 posts
    Bumble bee
    MadameTussaud    December 2, 2012   Las Vegas

    We regard our officiant the same as you do, but ours is a Vegas wedding, so I think that sums it up, lol

     
    5.
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    Busy bee
    bearlove    July 1, 2012  

    I'm inviting my officiant but I consider him a family friend (I used to babysit his kids even) so it's different.  I think in your case it is still good etiquette to invite him, but from speaking to some friends it seems they usually will decline unless they know you well. You could try feeling him out to see if this is something he is expecting or not.

     
    6.
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    Blushing bee
    miksje130    August 26, 2011   Gilbert

    When me and my then FI went and met our officiant we actually asked him about it. He said he actually prefered not to be there so we did not end up inviting him.

     
    7.
    Hostess
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    Busy
    Beekeeper
    Gemstone    July 2011   Cincinnati

    We invited him, and he politely declined. If you don't have a relationship with him, I'd assume that he would also decline.

     
    8.
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    3,500 posts
    Sugar bee
    Ms Hedgehog    July 10, 2011   Dallas/ Ft Worth TX

    We invited the rabbi and his wife. They stayed long enough to eat and left. Fine with me! We didn't really know him and he didn't know us outside of our meetings but we wanted to extend the invitation because every other vendor there with us that day was going to be at the reception. Why not one of the men that married us! Our other officiant was my dad so... yeah, he was more than invited. lol

     
    9.
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    370 posts
    Helper bee
    SunnySquirrel    July 6, 2012   San Francisco

    Yes, but he is also my Uncle.  So he would be coming to the reception anyway.  Smile

     
    10.
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    2,114 posts
    Buzzing bee
    Bichon Frise    June 2012   NC

    I'm wondering the same thing. I'm hiring my officiant to perform our wedding, and we really don't have a relationship with this person outside of our wedding. I don't know if she is expecting an invite or if she would even want to come.

     
    11.
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    882 posts
    Busy bee
    MrsBroccoli    September 8, 2012   Maryland

    We also have an officiant for hire.  We asked him, "Is it typical that you attend the reception?" and he said that he does not expect to attend the reception.  He's been totally upfront with us and is paying for his own transport, so we'll be tipping him and inviting him to the rehearsal dinner.  I recommend that you have a check with his name on the front (as well as the rest of the vendors' tips and balances) to have a bm or relative hand out. 

    If I were a stranger officiant and being paid to do a ceremony, I'd be perfectly happy to get a handshake and an envelope from the maid of honor. 

     
    12.
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    Busy bee
    Missloveknot    December 31, 2012  

    We are not for the same reasons for you. Also, my wedding planner said that I don't need to tip him because he is not a pastor at my church or anything, but a hired vendor. He isn't doing our rehearsal and it's $250, so I am being cheap and not tipping.

     
    13.
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    5,733 posts
    Bee Keeper
    Juliepants    June 2, 2012   Ontario

    We will be, but he is also a neighbour and old friend.  I don't think you need to invite yours.

     
    14.
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    590 posts
    Busy bee
    kc3636    August 23, 2011  

    We didnt invite our officiant to our reception. We ended up really liking ours but as you said you have hired them to do a job. Much like the person doing your flowers or hair dresser! I think its different if the officiant was someone they have known for years as they were the pastor at your church.

     
    15.
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    5,969 posts
    Bee Keeper
    AmeliaBedelia    March 3, 2012   Georgia

    I don't think you need to. We are, but it's the pastor of our church.

     
    16.
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    4,738 posts
    Honey bee
    NDBee    March 10, 2012  

    In the case of someone that's simply hired to the ceremony, I don't think you need to extend an invite to the reception. We're friends with our pastor and his family, but since they're making the 5+ hour drive home that night, they had to politely decline. I think the most that officiants ever stay is just for dinner/cake anyway, from what I've seen.

     
    17.
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    1,586 posts
    Bumble bee
    Roe    June 9, 2012   PA

    I think that you should extend an invitation regardless of the relationship. If he has no relationship to you, he'll probably decline.

     
    18.
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    36 posts
    Newbee
    jhoyle7608    October 12, 2012  

    We've been debating this, his mom says we are supposed to its a catholic thing and we are supposed to. We don't know him too personally, and have only met him once or twice. But, we will in the end invite him.

     
    19.
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    106 posts
    Blushing bee
    everyheart    June 15, 2013   Florida

    I probably would out of politeness... but would secretly hope he declines!

     
    20.
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    735 posts
    Busy bee
    ItsHollyAgain    May 26, 2013   Cleveland, Ohio

    Well, my mom is our officiant (and she's one of my closest friends) so we will be inviting her :) However, even if we had hired our "runner up" officiant (we met at a bridal show, so we don't know her at all), I think we would have invited her.

     

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