Weddingbee boards

Ok I'll bite at this one for my first post on the boards! :-)

My boyfriend and I will be getting engaged within the next few months - just a matter of saving up some $$ to get the ring. We've been together for 3 1/2 years and about a year ago, a work friend of mine got engaged. The problem was that she did NOT want to marry her man. She had been trying to break up with him, but they already had an overseas trip planned last Christmas. Since she put the money down, she went on the trip and he proposed while they were away. She was kinda nervous about saying no when she was in a non-english speaking country... but then it took her another year to break off the engagement. During that time. she was planning for the wedding she didn't even want to have, and it drove me crazy. I wanted to be planning a wedding SO BADLY, and there she was getting to do it.

 As far as overcoming it... I mostly kept it to myself, and also talked with some girlfriends to get it out of my system. The friend eventually broke off the engagement (it was really for the best. srsly), so I don't have anything to be jealous about now!

I hate to say it but YES.  I have a friend that is younger.  She started dating this "great guy" then basically dropped off the face of the earth because she was spending so much time with him.  Well after 2 1/2 months he popped the question.  Now the wedding will be in March, a good 6 months before our wedding.  The real kicker is that she seems to be using some of "our" plans.  (i.e. getting married at a family members home/property, having no wedding party, even the colors are similar)

 To add salt to my wound I am not even invited to the ceremony ... just the reception :(

I get budget envy. I wish I had the budget or financial support as some of my friends had for their weddings.

When my friend got engaged a month after mine, I did feel a bit thunder stolen. When my cousin got engaged after us and will be getting married before us, I felt thunder stolen. 

I guess I feel more envy than jealous. =/ But I try to find the silver lining in things (after I've done my share of "can you believe that!")

I was very jealous before I got engaged and friends or acquaintances got engaged or married before me.

One of them was my former roommate... she'd met her fiance a year after I met mine, and they got engaged a year later, but 5 months before we did. The frustrating thing was that I started to freak out because it was so out of the blue, to find out that they'd bought the ring together MONTHS before, and had told my boyfriend (now husband) about it, but said not to tell me, because I would freak out! I'm not sure how my reaction would have been different if I had known in advance, but it did start me on a long process of trying to deal with jealousy.

I've since had 3 started-dating-after, engaged-after, married before (or 2 weeks later!) friends, and each one has been its own challenge. One especially challenging one was a friend who had been in love with/had a crush on the man who is now her husband for 3 or 4 years before he ever asked her out, while he went through one major relationship and several other attempts at other girls before her, all the while just being friends. They went from dating to married and pregnant in under a year, and I guess it just took a while to reconcile that we both had our own difficult times of waiting... mine just happened after my husband and I started dating.

It's hard not to be petty, and to realize that every relationship really is different, and every time table is different as well. I think part of the problem for me was also that most of these friends had parents who were able to pick up huge chunks of the weddings for them, while DH and I scraped together a shoestring budget on our own. Doubly unfair! (j/k) But to each his own... I just try to keep telling myself that it's DH that I wanted to marry, not any of these other people, so what works for us is all that matters for us.

My boyfriend (now fiance) and I definitely knew we were headed for marriage, had gone engagement ring shopping, we talked frequently about our wedding, etc.  But I was still attempting to be patient while he saved up and planned out a proposal (which came much earlier than I expected!).  In the mean time, however, I knew at least 9 people who got engaged!  Maybe not super well (only 3-4 did I know very well), but it was still sooo hard when I learned of everyone's engagements.  I had just graduated from grad school and it was during the holidays, so it made sense for a lot of couples to get engaged.  And finally we did, too, but I felt like I was being tortured.  

Now we have decided to have a long engagement, and I fear that someone will get engaged <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic">after us and get married <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic">before us... for some reason that will bother me, I have no idea why.

I would just suggest that you take it all in, gather wisdom and ideas from everyone else's experiences, and use this as an opportunity to challenge yourself to make your wedding more unique than others' and more reflective of you and your FI instead of just trying to best other people's weddings.

Good luck! 

I don't get jealous, I get judgemental. I feel like everyone should have the same outlook I have and that if they rush into it than they must feel really desprate. Mostly they are all too young and aren't financially indepent. Shouldn't you be out of college at least? If they are planning a long engagement, then I am usually happy for them.

I would probably only be jealous if I wasn't with an amazing guy and having fun with him as we are now. The reality is that this is the time in your life when everyone is making the commitment to marry, and I have no more right to it than others. 

I'm definitely jealous of the girls with bigger budgets because they can afford so many beautiful things I can't. Then I remind myself of the great things I'll have at my wedding, how much I enjoy our decor, etc., and how no matter what the budget we'll still be married at the end of the day just like everyone else.

I have been on the receiving end of jealousy. My FI's sister, also my friend and BM, was very unhappy that FI and I got engaged first. She had been w/ her boyfriend longer and insisted that FI wait to propose until after she was engaged, and when he didn't, she threw all sorts of fits. It hurt like hell that she more than insinuated that because FI and I hadn't been together as long we didn't know each other or love each other as much as she and her boyfriend did.

So, ladies, if you're upset that a friend/relative gets engaged before you and you want to judge her relationship because it hasn't lasted as long as yours, please remember how much it hurts your loved one to have you judge their relationship like that.

For me it has mostly been shock more than jealousy.. I've been in the longest relationship, and my friends who are engaged.. well..  got engaged rather quickly.  Hopefully I'm next!

I'm with you, MarquiseMiss! After all the confusion and (occasional) stress of planning, I'm even jealous of people who have only been married for five minutes! And I can definitely relate to being jealous of those with larger wedding budgets. Oh the things I could do if I had that money to spend... ;)

I am jealous that my FH has a much better paying job than I do. I have more education, but I do remind myself that he worked hard to get where he is, he put in his time, he is much better organized than me and that perhaps I can learn some of his discipline.

I am also jealous of couples that get to see each other in person as we are separated by 10,000 miles.

I opened a can of worms. I am not jealous about the money because honestly, we share this good fortune. However, I always thought I would be the more successful partner. So, that is just a lesson I am coming to terms with.

Can I be jealous of his perfect skin and perfect skin tone? Yes.

I was certainly jealous when a friend of his had only been dating for a month and then was engaged for only 4 months following that before they wed. He'd been asking me since the day after we met, however, it will have been a year and half longer than this other couple before we make it official. 

I am always impressed by what strong character and personality the Bee's have....it really is contangious.