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Are you married and in a LDR?

posted 4 months ago in Long Distance Relationships
  • poll: Are you married and in a LDR?
    Yes : (6 votes)
    14 %
    No, we're LD, but not married yet. : (18 votes)
    43 %
    No, we're married but not long distance. : (7 votes)
    17 %
    We're semi-LD and married. : (5 votes)
    12 %
    We're semi-LD and not married. : (5 votes)
    12 %
    Other : (1 votes)
    2 %
  •  
    1.
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    Member
    1,480 posts
    Bumble bee
    AB Bride    June 25, 2011   Canada

    I'm just curious.  Many of the bees who posted here and are married don't appear to be in a LDR anymore.

     

    DH and I are what I call semi-long distance.  I see him weekends, and sometimes on a weekday, but most of the week we are apart.

     
    2.
    Member
    1,132 posts
    Bumble bee
    Leahhh    September 14, 2013   Tacoma, WA

    Nope.. I told him we're not getting married until we're in the same state. Soooo sick of this whole 3 months away/one week together BS!

     
    3.
    Member
    4,738 posts
    Honey bee
    NDBee    March 10, 2012  

    That will be us for 2-5 months after the wedding. It's not economical for us to have someone commute 80+ miles daily, and then after that I'll be prepping for the bar and living at our summer place. He's not sure where he'll be working this summer yet (he's got a school-schedule job). We'll see one another every weekend at a minimum, so perhaps that'd be 'semi-long distance.'

     
    4.
    Member
    278 posts
    Helper bee
    kayberry    April 18, 2015   Canada

    @Leahhh:  I said the same thing! Well kind of :P

    I'm currently 4 hours away from BF and it sucks majorly - especially since I'm a student going to school and it's really that much MORE stressful.

    I told BF that I want to get married but we HAVE to live together once we're married. I don't want to go back to this after we're married - it'll SERIOUSLY put a damper on things.

     
    5.
    Member
    5,668 posts
    Bee Keeper
    Lindsay12.31.2010    December 31, 2010   Missouri

    We spent our first year of marriage in a sort of LDR.  He was working out of state March-September, and I saw him 3 times, all times I flew or drove to visit. 

     
    6.
    Member
    526 posts
    Busy bee
    AubByAub    December 2017  

    Not married yet, but we're mil-to-mil so even once we're stationed together, we could quite possibly end up being long distance through deployments, tdys, etc.

     
    7.
    Hostess
    7,112 posts
    Busy
    Beekeeper
    zippylef    October 30, 2010   Norfolk, UK

    We were LDR for 8-9 months after we got married. He's military and we were waiting to PCS overseas, so I stayed at home in St. Louis so that I didn't have to move twice in 8 months (and pay for the first one out of pocket). He was 12 hours away and I saw him 3 times in that time period.

     
    8.
    Member
    159 posts
    Blushing bee
    CholeLeAnn    July 28, 2012   Chico, CA, Wedding in Hampton Roads, VA

    FI and I will be long distance for about 2 1/2 years after we get married.  About a year of that will be cross country, the remainder of it should be no more than 12 hours apart, which will allow us to see each other once a month.  Right now we spend 2 to 3 weeks together every 3 months :)

     
    9.
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    1,108 posts
    Bumble bee
    TwoCityBride    April 1, 2013  

    We are, we haven't made concrete plans. FI will probably move to my state after the wedding but he still going to be traveling backforth for work. He mostly travels to me since he travels a lot for work. We try to see each other once a month. But it's going to have to change be a few months at a time because we don't want to be spending too much money on airfare while we are trying to pay for our wedding.

     
    10.
    Member
    167 posts
    Blushing bee
    msbadger7    July 7, 2012   Madison, WI

    Omg...you bees have NO idea how happy I am to have found this post. FI and I are getting married in July, but I have 2 years of law school left. We're currently trying to figure out our living situation while I'm finishing up school...he's looking for a job by me (about 2 hours away from where he currently lives), but so far he hasn't been able to find anything. Since I'm a full time student with no income, it's just not smart for him to give up his well paying job unless he can find something comparable here. So now we've also been talking about our "plan b": the idea of having to do "semi-long distance" marriage where I would be down at school Monday through Thursday and then be "home" Thursday night through Sunday night. It's not really an ideal situation, but we are both committed to making it work and that's what really matters. It really makes me feel a lot better that there are others out there who are making this work, because although we're working out a situation that's good for us and our future...our families have been less than supportive. 

     
    11.
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    1,840 posts
    Buzzing bee
    akp0702    June 8, 2012   Raleigh, NC

    I'm interested in these answers.  FI starts med school in another state just after our wedding and we're just now considering me not moving with him initially.  My thought is that it's a better plan to do the move right...us find a place for "us" as a married couple, but only he lives there while I live with my parents back home, continue working my stable, full-time job with great benefits, so I can take as much time as is necessary to find a good job in the area he lives in.  At most, he'd be about 3 hours away, so I'd probably see him most weekends.  At best, he'd be about an hour and 15 minutes away.  My fear would be getting married and honey-mooning until mid-june, and then having to pack up and move by the end of July so he's in place for school to start in August.  I don't want to end up screwing ourselves by me just going with him willy-nilly without having a job in place and struggling to find a job, while I could have stayed in my job for longer and taken some time to make the best decision possible.  that way i can live rent-free, and he can just pay the rent that will eventually be both of ours.  totally bums me out to think about living away from him while we're still newly weds though :((((

     
    12.
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    1,840 posts
    Buzzing bee
    akp0702    June 8, 2012   Raleigh, NC

    @msbadger7:  totally, totally feel you on this!!! so happy to have found this thread where others are living through or getting ready to make tough decisions like this

     
    13.
    Member
    1,197 posts
    Bumble bee
    inspiredcreationsbyhaley    August 3, 2013   Tampa, FL and Portland, OR

    SO wants to wait until we're living together to get married; he's watched one of his best friends do the LONG distance marriage thing for the last year and a half (they are in different continents with visa issues), and it's been so hard to watch.  They are making the best of it, but it's not easy by any means.  SO and I are cross-country now, and even though we manage to see each other really frequently (every 3wks or so with business travel, frequent flyer miles, and general travel; we both have flexible jobs), we want to minimize that time apart when we're married.  Both of us have children, so we really can't bridge the gap at the moment.  His daughter graduates in 1.5 yrs, so at least there is a light at the end of the tunnel!

     
    14.
    Member
    534 posts
    Busy bee
    subbywife11    January 1, 2011  

    Yep.  DH is military and is away in school.  We're lucky enough that his school is semi-close, so we've been able to visit each other about 1x a month.  However, after he is done school, he will be away for 6+ months per year.  

    Honestly, we've enjoyed the experience.  We've grown a lot and are much stronger as a result.  Seeing each other after being apart is totally worth it.  We enjoy each other so much, and just love each other so much more than I even imagined!

     
    15.
    Member
    269 posts
    Helper bee
    longdistanceco_ca    September 17, 2011  

    Yes.  We were long distance for 2 years, then together under the same roof for a year and a half and now back to long distance for another year. And we're in different states, and plane tickets are expensive.  I fly to Boulder next week and it'll be the first time 7 weeks to see each other.  Thank goodness for video chats and cell phones!  It's hard to combine lives and dreams and sometimes life doesn't work out exactly how you planned.... And sometimes that sucks.

     
    16.
    Member
    908 posts
    Busy bee
    Dub D    May 25, 2013   La Mirada (ceremony), Long Beach (reception)

    @AB Bride:  My boyfriend (now FI) and I started LDR and after 3 years, I moved back.  We got engaged a year after, but a month later, he got offered a job that we both know he can't refuse.  Only problem is that it's on the other side of the country.  Sp we're back to LDR.  I'm hoping to move to where he is after we get married.

     
    17.
    Member
    31 posts
    Newbee
    futureMrsLarsen    January 12, 2013   Wisconsin

    We aren't married yet but we are semi long distance. He works out of state from March-September so we only see each other when I am able to visit/take time off from work. He will continue this schedule after we are married, unfortunately, but it is his career and I am 100% supportive.

     
    18.
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    19 posts
    Newbee
    TorTor09    May 2012  

    Not married yet, but will be in about a month or so! I just got accepted into nursing school (2 yrs) near where I live. I couldn't refuse as its such a competitive program to get into.

    He's in the army so he can't really go anywhere until he's done or I move there. So we're looking at at least another 2 years in a LDR and being married. I just did the math and I'll only see him for a total of 6 months out of the next 2 years :( This will make me sad, but I know it will be completely worth it when we are living together. I'm thankful for having the privelege to even be able to visit and him being able to visit. Also, thank God for Skype and texting. It makes things SO much easier seeing each other every night on Skype!

     

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