(Closed) Are you noticing your past bad etiquette now that you are planning a wedding?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Have you done something wedding etiquette-related in the past that you aren't proud of?
    Yes! I didn't know I couldn't do that. (explain below) : (54 votes)
    74 %
    Yes! I didn't care and did what I want even though I knew better. (explain below) : (6 votes)
    8 %
    No! I've been to enough weddings to know a thing or two. : (4 votes)
    5 %
    No! Luckily I figured it all out myself and have never pulled a wedding guest fauz pas. : (9 votes)
    12 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    2475 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    Funny you posted this…I was JUST thinking the other day about something I did in college at a wedding.

    This is so horrible, but I remember attending a wedding with my boyfriend at the time.  There was a relatively big gap in between the ceremony and the reception.  For some reason, by the time the reception came around, we decided that we’d rather go out with two of our friends someplace else (they were also invited to the wedding) and we all didn’t show up to the reception until nearly the end of the night to get a few drinks!  I can’t believe we did that!  We missed an entire sit down dinner that they paid for!

    Post # 4
    Member
    11327 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2011

    Hm… I can’t really remember off-hand any particularly bad behavior I’ve engaged in. +1s are pretty standard in my family, so my dates were always invited. The only thing I can think of that I cringe about a little now is that when I was young (maybe 8ish?) my cousin was getting married and I REALLY wanted to be in the wedding and I remember when I went with my mom, her, and her mom to the fabric store to pick out fabric for her bridesmaid’s dresses (my grandma was making them), they asked my opinion and I made some comment like “why would i care its not like I’M in the wedding”. crinnnnnge. They did then ask me to be a junior bridesmaid and I was of course thrilled. I kind of don’t worry about it too much though because I was a kid, ya know. Kids say dumb/rude things. 🙂

    Post # 6
    Member
    1426 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 1969

    I have failed to send back rsvps, because I figured my verbal “oh I’m so excited to come!” was enough. Yikes!  I have also asked to bring a date that wasn’t invited, but to be fair it was after I was engaged, so I feel like they were rude first by not inviting my FI, and I was put in an awkward position. I wasn’t just going to rsvp “no” without any explanation.

    Post # 7
    Member
    1051 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2010

    When I was 22 my cousin got married, but because I was doing a promotional tour at the time, I couldn’t come to the wedding.  Now, I’d like to point out I never received an invitation; at 22 my cousin still lumped me in with “and family” on my paretns (unless she just didn’t invite me?).  Anyway, it was understood that I would not be attending HOWEVER, 2 days before the wedding, our travel schedule changed and low and behold I found myself in Pittsburgh for the tour the day of her wedding.  Not only did I go, but I brought a male friend (not even a boyfriend, just my buddy).  I’m horrified to recall it now, but at the time I thought nothing of it.  I’m not sure if I just didn’t think there was anything wrong with it or iff I assumed my mom would take care of it…either way my friend and I totally crashed her wedding.  And I didn’t bring a gift or card.  For that, I think my excuse was that like with the invitation, I was still considered part of my parents party.

    Also, I don’t think I’ve returned an RSVP card for anything.  Ever.

    Post # 8
    Member
    2239 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I’ve never really been to a formal wedding before, so starting planning I found out a lot of things I thought were okay are really not…Like a lot of people are really against cash bars (just an example).

    Mostly I would say I’m still just going to do what works for me and my fiance and our families. Screw anyone who wants to talk about us.

    Post # 9
    Member
    651 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I never did anything really bad I don’t think, but I didn’t RSVP to my friends bridal shower and she had to call me to find out.  I’m sure it just was annoying and added to her stress.  In my defense, I really wanted to go, but it would have been a 5 hour drive to get there.  I had lost my job and was expecting a job offer to come through.  I didn’t have a lot of money since I’d been out of one for a while, and I didn’t want to go to it without a gift.  So I was waiting til the absolute last minute to RSVP.  In the end I had to say no because I didn’t get the offer until a week after the shower and felt awful about it.  She got a bigger wedding present than she would have otherwise though!

    Post # 10
    Member
    1752 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I’ve waited till the last minute to send in my rsvp cards.. but that’s about as bad as it gets for me… I’m getting that back 4 fold – and that was just shower invites.  I’m not looking foward to wedding rsvp cards…!  Thats why I’m giving myself extra time to make phone calls after the date!

    Post # 11
    Member
    11327 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2011

    oo i just thought of something else i did!! a few years ago another cousin of mine (male) got married and when he was telling me about the wedding plans he mentioned it was going to be a dry wedding bc his wife’s family didn’t drink and I definitely made some kind of comment about how did he expect us to dance without alcohol and was it ok if we brought flasks, etc. Which now i’m like omg that might have made him feel badly! but on the other hand he IS a guy and he totally laughed it off and said he’d be supplying flasks to the groomsman so hopefully he wasn’t actually offended. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    3762 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    I have not sent a few RSVP cards back that I feel bad about.  I have also skimped on gifts a little bit more than I should have, but I was also a poor college student at the time. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    546 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    Oh yeah, I used to be a wedding idiot. 

    Lets see I have…

    Not returned probably a couple RSVP cards.

    Told someone the week before their wedding that my BF and I weren’t coming because of school.  I think she was actually glad because we saved her $100 or so.  But still, that’s terrible.

    Left just after the parent dances.  I was middle school age and with my parents at that one, so I had no control over it.

    Didn’t bring a gift to the wedding when I was a bridesmaid, because I didn’t realize the bridal party should bring a gift.

    It all makes me hate myself a little bit.  On this note, I love Mrs. Cupcakes blog about Post Wedding Vows.  She has so many awesome points!  I know I will be such a better wedding guest from now on.

    Post # 14
    Member
    5263 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2012

    When I was younger, FMIL “got” me invited to a few weddings. One of them I’m assuming she talked to the bride about me going in FSIL’s place, and the other I’m not sure if the bride actually thought of inviting me, or if she got pressured. I feel bad! 

    Post # 15
    Member
    1250 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I haven’t done anything terribly egregious, but I have definitely been a little bit of a slacker on RSVPs (either sending them later than I should, or thinking that verbally telling the person “yeah, I’ll be there!” was good enough – now I know if you’re hearing back from hundreds of people its impossible to keep track of that!) I’ll definitely be a much better guest in the future.

    Post # 16
    Member
    2476 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I’ve also added a +1 to my RSVP card (it was my FI, so I thought he would naturally be invited to accompany me… this was VERY early on in our engagement so I had no idea about wedding etiquette)! 

    Also, I was invited to a wedding a few years ago and I couldn’t attend, so I didn’t send a gift (DOH!).  I DID send a card though if that counts for something!  Tongue out

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