- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
Ohhhh no! You shouldn't feel obligated to invite someone just because you were invited to theirs... if I did this I'd have 400 guests on my side alone. I've lost track of the amount of weddings I've attended even in the last 5 years.
Don't worry about it :) You don't owe them anything! I'm a big believer in only inviting people you're close with & that will enhance your day. If I haven't talked to someone in over 6 months (and I mean really, really talked to not just email or FB) then they weren't on the list.
Only invite those whom you absolutely want to be in attendance. You're not obligated to invite anyone beyond two witnesses for the ceremony.
I think I would feel a little bad about it - but I wouldn't make it dictate my guest list. Everyone has different limitations or freedoms when it comes to their guest list. I will say, I have some extended family friend's kids that invited me to their weddings and I'm not very close to - but they are on my guest list over obligation to the family history. But friends - I would only invite friends that I'm actually friends with (not ones I haven't seen or talked to in years) or have no desire to in the future.
There is no need to invite people just because you were invited to their wedding. Invite the people in your life, not the people who were in your life in college or when ever.
Honestly, there are people who has invited me to their weddings and I have not seen them since. I don't think inviting people just for the sake of inviting them would be polite. They might think you are fishing for gifts or something
I agree with Oracle. On a guest list budget, I wouldn't invite someone just because they invited me, but I'd feel bad about it.
If I'm close to someone, they're invited. If we're friends but not really close, they might get B-listed, at best. But I'm not inviting anyone out of obligation, including members of my own family. Perhaps that makes me a heinous person, but i want to be surrounded by loved ones on my wedding day, and my friends are the family I've chosen.
I would agree that if you are having a really large wedding and have the budget for it, then I would invite them (considering that they are at least B-list worthy), but if that isn't the case then I wouldn't feel bad about not being able to invite them. Everyone has different preferences for their weddings (big, small, just family, etc) so I don't think that they would be mad if you didn't invite them.
FI was IN a wedding a few years ago and we have no plans to invite them. He was basically just a filler GM, but whatever. I don't think you're under any obligation to invite some one just because you went to theirs. All brides and former brides should understand what a debacle the guest list can turn into. If you've lost touch with your friends I'm sure they don't expect an invite anyway. Don't stress :)
As most everyone else has said, you absolutely do not have to. People have all sorts of different priorities, all sorts of different budgets, all sorts of different reasons for inviting people.
I was invited to people's weddings years ago whom I don't even speak to now. Am I inviting them? Of course not. Also, same as EAQ219, I was a BM for someone I am not inviting. And hey, I thought it was weird she even asked me to be a BM, so...
Lastly, I am not sure how far along you are in your planning, but you wonder whether someone might be "a little bit miffed." Please. Don't worry about that. People are going to be "a little bit miffed" about all sorts of things in your wedding that are totally out of your control, or which they have no business being miffed about. It's your wedding. You can't worry about the feelings of every single person who may or may not be involved.
Invite the people who you want to be there. Twenty years down the road, you're not going to say "I am so glad I protected Sarah's feelings by inviting her!"
Also, do you really want your guest list to be filled up with obligatory invites? I am in my early 30s and have been to a LOT of weddings. If I invited all those people, it'd be all family and people I was worried about offending! This is not a tit-for-tat situation, so to speak.
Thanks for the advice! There are definitely some tough calls with the guest list. We are trying to keep it to 120, and about half of that is already occupied with immediate family (people we really do want to be there!)
So there are there those tricky decisions between: X, who was my friend in grad school, who invited me to his wedding, who I genuinely like but haven't spoken to in a year except for a Christmas card. Versus Y, who is my current co-worker, who I genuinely like and speak to every day, but really, I've only known her for a few months at this point.
Tricky!
I agree with the others - only invite the people you TRULY want to be there!
You're not obligated to invite ANYONE
(unless you sent them a save teh date or invited them to a shower)
@Circus Peanut: The old friend vs new co-worker struggle was a big one for us. We generally went with the people that we spend lots of time with now, or people that we have LOOOONG histories with. But no one that we were super close with for 2 years, 3 years ago, but barely talk to now.
I guess it depends on how strong your future relationship with them will be. If it is non-existent, don't bother. If you plan on keeping in touch, it might be more appropriate.
I'm in the same boat and this is what someone told me: For old friends you've lost touch with, would you be really sad if you never got back in touch? If the answer is no, don't worry about it. :) Besides, people have different family situations and different weddings.
While I am a big proponent of the IDEA of this not being mandatory...I'd probably feel guilted into it anyways. : D I'm a sucker like that (I also don't go to too many weddings, though, either).
I actually invited a few people who didn't invite me to their weddings because I wanted them to be there and who knows if they had budget constraints or whatever and had to have a small wedding. similarly there were a few people who invited me to weddings I didn't attend - and not having seen them since, I didn't invite them. although now, to be honest, I do feel a little bad about that....
I would feel obligated to invite anyone who invited me to theirs. But not if it was 5 years ago that I attended their wedding. If it was in the last year, then I would probably give them a spot on the list.
Nope, I don't think you are obligated. Shoot, there's this couple that invited us to their wedding about two years ago (so like a year before our wedding) and they surely did not make our guest list. My hubby felt a bit obligated, but I put my foot down since they are rude plus the woman offended my MIL. Shoot, my MIL likes everyone, but when she said that she would literally pay us to not invite them, my hubby had no choice, he was outnumbered by the two of us and they didn't get an invite, lol.
If it was a recent wedding that you were invited to I do think it courtesy if you can afford the extra seat to invite those people. You obviously meant enough to those people to invited to theirs. It can be a bit of a slap in the face to those people otherwise...
I don't think you're obligated to do anything, however there are so many tough calls to make with the guestlist. I know it's a major challenge to decide between current co-workers vs. longterm friends from the past that you don't see very often. It stresses me out all the time. The other thing is when there are social circles that you are a part of where a handful of the people you might hang out with on your own but there are some people that you wouldn't necessarily go out for a couples dinner with but you enjoy their company when "the group" gets together. I hate the feeling of needing to invite EVERYONE from the group, but not wanting to exclude anyone either. URG!!!!
I got married at 34 so I lost contact with most of my high school and college friends and even though I went to their weddings, I didn't invite them to mine. My rule was if I hadn't really spent time with someone in the past year then I didn't invite them.
Many people cite friends' weddings that they attended years ago... I can understand not wanting to invite everyone that you know, especially if you've lost touch and were not necessarily super besty friends ever. HOWEVER, if you went to their wedding recently (within the last 1-2 years), I think it is quite rude not to invite them to yours...unless you are having a destination or otherwise very small wedding (<50 people). Having recently learned that I was not invited to someone's wedding who just attended mine 6 months ago I was really sad. They are using the same venue, so they got to use attending mine to scope out what to do at theirs. It really puts our friendship, or should I say aquaintance in perspective. I think they should have made an allowance to return the favor. Maybe I'm a rotten person, but I can't help but also thinking 'especially' since they didn't even get a card for mine.
I read the technical ettiquette on this. Apparently you're only obligated to return the invitation for whatever meal was served. (So, if you were invited to a wedding that served dinner, you should technically invite the couple to be guests of yours within the next year.) Once you've done that, you're off the hook. However, you'll probably hurt someone's feelings if you just attended their wedding 6 months ago and don't invite them to yours!
Actually, you are obliged to invite people who invited you -- but, not necessarily invite them to your wedding.
Etiquette says, that any time you are invited to a social event involving a meal or some significant entertainment, you have two obligations. You must send a thank-you note to your hostess within a day or two. And, you must return the invitation with an invitation to an event of similar significance, sometime within the same season.
So, unless you are getting married in the same season as everyone else you know, the return obligation isn't likely to be a wedding. "Similar significance" means a dinner invitation in return for a dinner invitation; a theatre or concert party in return for a theatre party; an afternoon coffee in return for afternoon coffee. This social debt expires at the end of the season: so, even if you didn't know that you were supposed to have the new couple over for dinner some time in the weeks following their honeymoon, you're still in the clear for all but the most recent weddings.
Are you obligated to invite people who invited you to their weddings
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| ellisrobertson | 23 |
| fishbone | 15 |
| MsPanda | 14 |
| aduarte3201 | 14 |
| pengoala | 11 |
| ShellVee | 10 |
| ladyartichoke | 10 |
| ndreighton | 10 |
| mypinkshoes | 9 |
 sylvia.riggle |
9 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| fishbone | 4 |
| thursdayschild | 3 |
| eagle | 3 |
| tnanog | 3 |
| likelimeade | 2 |
| SoonToBeSLP | 2 |
| bridgetsierra | 2 |
| aspasia475 | 1 |
| PinkPinstripes | 1 |
| Wonderwoman217 |
1 |
If someone invited you to their wedding, within the past few years, would you feel somewhat obligated to invite them to yours? Please be absolutely honest - if you invited someone and didn't get a return invite, would you be a bit miffed?
I'm thinking of a couple friends in particular, who were friends in school. We haven't hung out much since we graduated. i was invited to their weddings, however, that was closer to the time we were all in school together.