Post # 1
I’m not, but Fiance is! It drives me nuts sometimes. He is over helping someone do flooring right now. And he is helping a friend move in a few weeks. I feel like we never see eachother anyways (he works 6 days a week and I work 5) and then some of the few days we WOULD see eachother are gone because of all these people! I’m not really a b*tch and there really is nothing wrong with helping people. Of course not! But sometimes he needs to just learn to say no. My Mom is the same way – can never say no. I think perhaps that is WHY I can say no. Lol.
I just had to vent. I’m frustrated at the moment because he got off early today and I was like Oooh we can go do something. “Well, I told so-and-so I would stop by and help with the flooring blah.” :/ So here I am, by myself on a pretty Saturday afternoon. I got mad and basically hung up on him with an “Ok, fine, bye.” Not the best ending but I’m frustrated.
Post # 3
I’m in the same boat. This is one of the reasons I was initially attracted to him, but one of my biggest frustrations. What we did that really helped is made Sunday ‘our’ day. We seriously don’t plan anything on those days and it really hasn’t taken too much of a toll on either of us. We don’t even do anything super cool…it’s just nice to have a day where you’re already committed to each other even if someone invites you somewhere or asks for your help 2 months in advance. It also gives us each some time to just rest and relax (a lot of our sundays are just spent on the couch watching movies or shopping…nothing too tiring) to recover from our busy weeks. In general, I think it’s helped our relationship a lot. I know one day isn’t a lot but it’s better than never or random. 🙂
Post # 4
@little_cricket: This is one of the reasons I was initially attracted to him, but one of my biggest frustrations. <– Yes. He has gotten better about saying No sometimes, but other times (like earlier today) he just can’t help it. He’s one of those “shirt off his back” kind of guys. I do admire him for it…but we need our time too. TYPICALLY we have Sundays together too, but not always. Sometimes he is on call on Sundays. I can’t wait for our honeymoon! Our phones are going OFF! :p
Post # 5
Yes, my Fiance is very much like this. He had some issues with his family and he just wouldn’t stand up to them, even though the situation was ridiculously unfair to him no matter how you look at it. He always offers to help people even if it’s at a time we could’ve potentially seen each other (we’re in a LDR see each other maybe once every two weeks)- he sees it as, if he made plans with someone else first he has to keep his word.
His dependability and desire to help people made me like him initially… now it drives me crazy sometimes! lol
Post # 6
@galloway111: FI had issues with saying no to family when we first started dating, luckily that didn’t last long. We basically got them to STFU and realize he was an adult (he was 21!) when he moved out of his Dad’s house, with little notice, to go back to school. It set the tone pretty well. Thankfully. It would for sure bug me more if we were still LD. Honestly, since we both work and our schedules are pretty different, some days it feels like we are just roommates. Don’t get me wrong, not always, but when we lag on the effort it can get that way.
It’s intersting how all three of us so far have said it was a main part of our initial attraction and now it is a PITA sometimes.. Hm.
Post # 7
I can’t say no either. Then when I find myself stuck doing something I didn’t want to, I moan. It’s a really attractive quality!!
On behalf of your FI’s…it’s a horrible feeling to say no to people if they want something from you and if you don’t have a decent pair of balls then even when you manage to say no, you feel bad about it after! I know it’s annoying though! It’s just really hard to say no!
Post # 8
Darling Husband has learned to say no but he sure wasn’t like that when we were first together. I remember him driving 6 hours one way on a weekend just to be in family photos for his grandmother. Since then, he’s seen that being a people pleaser isn’t the best thing in the world for our relationship and only says yes when it doesn’t take time away from me or when it’s absolutely necessary.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being a people pleaser, but you def. can’t let it control your life or determine how or when you do something.
Post # 9
FH isn’t really the type that “can’t say no”, but he does hate getting into situations where someone might be “mad” at him. Personally, I’m learning how, but I’m still a bit of a marshmallow, especially when I get called in for a shift at work!
Post # 10
I feel like a lot of guys are like this. Plus I don’t think they think of “oh wait, this will mean less quality time with my girl” haha. My Fiance does this too, but he does schedule it around my schedule, like if I am off he won’t want to do it….
Post # 11
@Missloveknot: You’re right, it doesn’t even occur to him until he hears/sees my reaction. Lol. I’m like, why do you still not get this? We have lived together for almost 4 years ya big goof!
I feel like a single parent to our dogs sometimes, honestly! Today he was gone longer than he expected. Yay. :/
@Jenniphyr: I lol’d at marshmallow! Now whenever I think of this I’ll want to squish his stomach…. hahah.
@SimplyChic11: Wow! Yeah at first he was more of a pushover. Now it isn’t necessarily being a pushover, it’s alwaysssss wanting to help people. He can say no to his family a lot better now, but still. I think it’s getting to me again because he had progressed so much! haha. Not to mention I am panicking that we are getting married in a month and there is still so much crap to do. I hate feeling like the only one who has to do wedding stuff. I think that’s a lot of it right now.
@ticatica: Aw. Yeah, my mom is a people pleaser too. I’ve just never been like that. I’ll help my friends but if I don’t want to or can’t, I have no problem bowing out. It’s a little different with family, but I still don’t feel all that bad if I can’t.
Post # 12
I feel like you just told the story of my weekend!!
Fiance and I live an hour apart, and I asked him to come see me this weekend so we could meet with our baker. But he wanted to go to a card tournament, and has been waiting months for it, so I said he should go to that instead (but he did say he’d go with me, but I knew how much he wanted to go to the tournament). But then it turns out someone asked him to help them move so he went and did that instead! Ugh! If he wasn’t doing his cards, I want to see him!!! It’s been over a week since I last saw him 🙁
So I feel your pain!