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Once upon a time everyone knew it was rude to be late to certain events, weddings and funerals being top on the list - however people tend to be late to EVERYTHING these days. My FI and I had proposed putting our start time 15 minutes early on the invite to cut down on this some - how are the other Bees handling this?
We put the exact time down. You have to think of your guests (if any) who are chronically early--I make it a point to show up at least 10 minutes early, so if I had to wait an extra 15 because there was padding, I'd be a little irked.
I am one of those people who DO turn up early/on time so I would feel a bit irritated to sit around waiting if you wrote an early time on your invite - especially since the bride is normally a bit late anyway.
Give up worrying about people arriving on time or not - if they're decent people they will be there. If they're late, that's their problem. Let it reflect poorly on them.
I voted 15 minutes padding...but technically I didn't plan it that way. The invitations said 5 pm. The coordinator informed me that we would start at about 5:15. Worked out well since a lot of people were late!
I have been late to many events but never a wedding. I would be irritated if a wedding said it started at 1pm and I got there at 12:45 or so just to find out it really doesn't start until 1:15.
as far as waiting....people enjoyed the chance to socialize! It was only 15 minutes!!
We are having our cocktail hour before the ceremony so we are putting the time that the cocktail hour starts. if anyone is late they miss a portion of the cocktail hour and not the ceremony itself and then it's their loss for missing out on the crab cakes.
We put the right time. I know I always get there early (like a half hour just in case), and then if I had to wait any longer I'd get impatient. Plus, the chances of you actually being ready and starting by then are probably pretty low.
I put 5:00, planning to start at 5:15. At 5:15 there were still some key family members missing so we waited. I think we started at 5:20- 5:25. I peeked a couple times and everyone was chatting, the MC didn't tell people to sit down until we were actually ready. Maybe it's different if the ceremony is in a church where people feel they have to sit and be quiet.
If we had started at 5:00 on the dot, there would have been a lot of people missing. Our ceremony was short, so they would have missed the entire thing!
I put 6pm, but knew we probably wouldn't start until 6:15. We started at 6:10
I put in 15 minutes of padding. We're having our wedding on a Friday, and the ceremony starts at 6:30. I was concerned about traffic, since most people are coming from about an hour away, so some of the most important people that will be there have the potential to be late! I'm constantly early to everything, so I can understand people being irked by having to wait a few more minutes than expected.
We put the correct time down. I paid attention at the weddings I went to this year (4 of them) and every time people were on time... so I didn't want to make people wait.
We put the real time.
On the website we noted that the wedding would begin at 2:30pm sharp, and seating would begin at 2pm.
I took my first step down the aisle at 2:32 and our ceremony was only about 15 minutes, so if anyone was late, they probably missed it.
i put the real time, but i don't think we will start on time because my ceremony is on the beach in Jamaica and i heard Jamaica doesn't usually is laid back and starting on time is not the end all be all.
We're putting the actual time on our invites but we have time to wait if need be. Our ceremony is set to start at 5:30 and our cocktail hour will begin at 6:00. Our ceremony is only going to take 10-15 minutes long so even if we start 15-20 minutes late, we'll still be right on time for the rest of the wedding festivities.
I think it depends on your guests and how punctual they are. In my circles people are rarely early to weddings and I have never been to a wedding that started at the time it was supposed to. There was a thread about this a while back and some bees seemed very offended by the idea of padding a the time.. but if i want my wedding to actually start at 4pm, i have to put 3.30 on the invite. And even if i do that it still probably wont start til 4.30 because people i know just dont come on time!
I voted to pad the time, but not seat until we are ready to start. Two of my friends got married this year.
The first, we were driving to a venue that I had never been to before and only knew of one way to get there. That route was closed due to construction, so FI and I were frantically trying to pull up a map on my phone and figure out another way to get there and got completely lost. I was set to be early, but by the time we actually got there, we were 5-10 minutes late and they had started exactly on time. I felt horrible.
The second, FI was in the wedding and I got there about 30 minutes early, and they started about 15-30 after the time on the invitation. They had the bar open before the ceremony though, so everyone just got a drink and socialized til we were called to be seated (although there was plenty of seating in the bar area too, so no one was required to stand).
Sometimes late guests aren't late on purpose, things happen, and I don't think an extra 15 minutes is going to bother anyone. They probably won't even notice unless you start later than 15 minutes.
Perhaps if I pad the time... i will not be one of the people late to my wedding!
@HisIrishPrincess: LOL. i think if i am on time, my friends will be confused!
We are doing the actual time, but its a destination wedding and the majority of our guests will be staying in the venue, if not its within walking distance. If anybody is going to be late it will probably be me as the TOWN is smaller and I will have to travel to do my hair and makeup.
I am a firm believer in the padded time... Most people I know run on CP time, and I mean to EVERYTHING!! So the last thing I want is someone sneaking in the back during my vows... But I did like the idea another bee had of simply putting that "seating" begins proptly at {insert time here}
My wedding is on a friday night as well, and to have people rush home after work to change and then make it downtown is just asking for trouble.
I am a firm believer in the padded time... Most people I know run on CP time, and I mean to EVERYTHING!! So the last thing I want is someone sneaking in the back during my vows... But I did like the idea another bee had of simply putting that "seating" begins proptly at {insert time here}
My wedding is on a friday night as well, and to have people rush home after work to change and then make it downtown is just asking for trouble.
My rabbi suggested we pad the time by 30 minutes for the invitation. We're asking people to drive about an hour and a half and we wanted to give them some wiggle room!
My sister's wedding was slated to start at 4pm which is what was printed on the invites. She got married in old church that did not have a changing room so she had to wait in the limo outside the church until it was time to start. At 4:10 she and all of the bridesmaids got out of the limo and started lining up. About 5 cars pulled in one right after the other and hustled inside. She was so upset that her grand entrance was ruined. I felt so bad!
ALways pad your time! It's your day and if people can't wait an extra 15 min then poo poo on them!
I was planning on asking this, so glad I searched instead! I think, based on comments, we're going to put down 5:30 as a start time and then start promptly at 6pm. If I mentally plan on starting at 5:30, too, hopefully that means we'll all be on time!
We're padding ours by 10 minutes. But it's outdoors, which means people will be walking from their cars, and if anyone's late it's a lot more disruptive. (i.e. they can't just wait outside). Hopefully everyone will be seated and no one will be pissed.
We are putting the actual start time. And if people aren't there that is not my problem. I am SOOOOOO annoyed by people who run late. My FI's cousin got married last year and she told us that the rehearsal started 45 earlier than it actually did. Since my FI and I are EXTREMELY punctual, we showed up 15 minutes early, so we had to wait 1 hour for the damn thing to start. I literally have never been so enraged in my life. And we spent an hour waiting on her to get there. It was over a year ago, and I still have some choice words for that girl! I wouldn't do that to my guests. The wedding starts at 4:30, and if you are late, that is your problem.
@bells: I agree with you about knowing your guests making a big difference.
This is a good thread, I hadn't even thought about this. FI's brother and SIL are perpetually late to absolutely everything. They were an hour late for their parents' 50th anniversary dinner, and an hour late for the anniversary party the day after, and then left nearly an hour before everyone else did. The party and dinner had both been planned and set for over a year, and they had no valid excuse. They lived closer to the venue than anybody else who attended. Nobody ever expects them to be on time for anything. I have half a mind to pad the time only on their invitation, but it sounds a bit rude. Not quite sure how to go about it. Everyone else in the family is usually pretty on-time for stuff. But if FI's brother is a groomsman (he hasn't picked any yet), that could really mess things up.
Or maybe I should just accept it as a quirk of my new relatives! "If M and C show up, they're gonna be uber late."
I am using the actual start time. Most of the guests are local so they shouldn't have a problem getting to the ceremony on time.
@unixfairy: I put the EXACT time down and we started at that EXACT time...the ONLY person who showed up late (a half hour late) was late because they forgot to write down the correct time. I feel no matter what time you put...something is going to happen that someone will be late.
We put the actual time. I've always (and guest I've always seen at weddings) showed up 15-20 minutes early for weddings, so would be annoyed if I had to sit and wait for 35 minutes for a wedding to start because they were behind and/or starting late.
For the reception, we showed up on time too. I had a ton of people tell me they were so appreciative of it. People told me they always feel like the wedding party shows up way late, and their straving and bored by the time the wedding party actual gets there and goes through all the reception events.
I put our exact start time on the invitation, and we started on time.
I didn't notice anyone come in late either, except the fiance of one of my bridemaids was coming up the stairs at the same time I was. It was so funny. He was whispering "So sorry, so sorry, you look beautiful, sorry!" I giggled the whole way up the stairs.
Don't make exceptions for people who aren't following the rules of ettiquette (and don't make those who follow the rules of ettiquette suffer). List the actual ceremony time. If people come late - everyone notices - and it only negatively impacts them in the eyes of everyone else. Don't allow yourself to have negatively placed on you by not starting the ceremony "on time".
Great post...I was asking myself the same question last week. I think I will pad the invite time by :15...and include the correct time on the programs :-)
Yes and from what I have heard and read, it is the proper way to word them with the correct starting time. Everyone knows to arrive 15-30 mins before the wedding (and if they don't, there will be family/friends reminding them who do know that) so they can get a seat before the ceremony starts. Most people find it incredibly rude and deceptive to list a completely different time on the invite. Also, the time listed is when the bride makes her entrance (some people don't know that). Either way, I have never attended a wedding that was late.
All weddings I've been to have been exactly on time. Ours <hopefully> is too!
I'm a perpetually early person and get so angry at things starting late. I would not be happy with a couple purposely starting later than they state. Its not my fault other people can't be on time.
I put the correct time on ours, but if we start a little late, then we do. I want to start on time though because my grandparents are traveling that day (it was an unfortunate conflict with a big trip they have been planning for a long time) and it's important to me that they can be there for the whole ceremony and pictures.
We were married and listed the actual start date on our invitations.
That day I was such a ball of nerves and so worried about timeline that we were all ready when it was ceremony time.
When we were walking from the bridal suite to the front of the church to line up for the processional several guests saw me. Some even stopped to say hello and comment on my dress. It was very upsetting. Luckily I had a few minutes to recoup waiting outside while my BMs walked down the isle before I had to go in. This may not be a problem for many, it just depends on how your ceremony venue is set up.
I don't think padding it by 15 minutes is needed, but I wish I had waited another 5 before actually starting.
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