Post # 1
question to the hive: are all brides supposed to be uber excited about their wedding? why?
i love my FI and most definitely am looking forward to spending the rest of my life with him and the commitment we are about to make.
i’m looking forward to seeing a lot of my friends again (scattered nationally and globally). but have no idea how to balance it with our families, neither of which are local. my mum just spent 20 minutes this week telling me all she wanted was to spend time with me while she was here for the week leading up to the wedding.
i’m 2 wks from our wedding date and everyone’s asking me if i’m excited. all i can do is smile. there’s a constant list of todos in my head – little details and tasks that have to be assigned to someone since we don’t have a bridal party that automatically picks it up. my fi thinks it will all miraculously happen. He’s not stepping up to offer any of his friends up for the job! it’s been 3 wks and he still hasn’t given me the list of formal portraits he wants with his side of the family (due this week to the photographer) nor the list of ceremony music to the dj.
i wish we were just having a simple courthouse ceremony and dinner afterwards.
is this normal? (my mum commented she didn’t think i was happy planning this wedding and thinks it could mean trouble ahead for our marriage). any suggestions as to what do i do to feel that excitement that everyone expects?
Post # 3
Um, that’s how I was. There were tasks to be done and things to check off my list. I was excited, but I wasn’t like, unable to contain myself jumping up and down, going insane kind of stuff.
I was so “un-excited” about my wedding that my mom actually asked me if I loved my guy and if i was sure, because I sure didn’t “sound excited”. to my mom, excited is a level of ridiculousness that I just don’t achieve on a regular basis. I haven’t been *like that* since I was a kid going to Disneyland.
I’m just a really practical person and I tend to keep my emotions under check unless I’m really angry.
Weddings are stressful–once you get your list done you’ll feel better. I didn’t get all excited with butterflies in my tummy until we go to the place and were getting ready! I had my “i’m thinking” look on my face most of the morning, so I”m not exactly smiling ear to ear in pictures, but I more so look complacent, like I’m just taking it all in =]
Post # 4
- Wedding: May 2018 - Coyaba Resort, Montego Bay
Planning a wedding can be overwhelming and stressful & it’s easy to let that trump all other feelings. Try to relax, breathe, do something for yourself and enjoy these next few weeks!
Post # 5
personally, i am so excited, but i think there really is no “norm’ when it comes to your emotions! i think you’re being very realistic and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that – it might help to talk to your mom further about your feelings and see if she can help with that task delegation.
Post # 6
For starters, your mom needs to understand that being excited about your wedding does not corelate to being excited about getting married.
I have a feeling that you are excited though, why else would you have 600+ posts on a board that focuses on weddings.
This is just some pre-wedding fatigue, don’t worry about it, it will pass and then the excitement will come. I think it’s incredibly normal, and everyone goes through it to some extent.
Post # 7
All I can tell you is what i feel. I am definitely excited. But the stress sometimes puts a damper on things. And I know it’s weird, but I’m actually so sick of people asking me how am I doing and am I nervous. I get asked this every day, all day by EVERYONE and I want to be like “I’m fine already! I was fine yesterday when you asked, I was fine the day before, I’m fine today, and I’ll be fine tomorrow!” Is this witchy of me to think? I mean good grief though, I feel like I’m terminally ill and everyone 24/7 is just like “are you ok? are you sure you’re ok?” and “are you nervous? you’re not nervous? well it’s okay to be nervous, I was”. Aahhh! It’s been really fun planning and I wouldn’t trade the experience for anything but I’ll be soooo glad when it’s over and things go back to normal. My FI has barely helped out at all and sometimes I feel like it’s all me doing this whole thing.
I think as long as you know that you want to be married to you FH then I don’t think that your planning blues are abnormal or anything. Event planning is not for everyone and it’s just plain stressful. Just try to hang in there, try not to worry so much because your FI is kind of right–things will be fine and tiny little details you forget or don’t have time for won’t be noticed by others. You’re almost there and then the real reward will be here: being married to your husband!
Post # 8
I agree with everyone else. I am 9 days out from mine, and I am SO EXCITED inside, but I keep thinking about what else needs to be done. Its very overwhelming, and I know you wish you’d done the courthouse, but my dad gave the best advice when I said that same thing…you are about to have the weding that, at some point along the process, was the PERFECT wedding for you. It was perfect when you saw the overall vision. Now that youre into the nitty gritty and small details, they get overwhelming and cloud the vision that you once had. The day of, all you will see, again, is that initial vision and it will be perfect. As soon as he said that, I was like “Wow…so true!” and stopped stressing (well stressing as much) about the little last minute details. Dont focus so much on the wedding as the marriage. And next time you get the excited question, dont immediately think of the wedding, theink of marrying your honey, THAT will bring a genuine smile to your face. Good luck xoxo
Post # 9
I can defintiely relate! You’re not alone – and I agree with all the other posters. I’ve had a really hard time getting excited. And I do’nt think it signifies ANYTHING about the marriage – planning an event has nothing to do with having a successful marriage.
I’m a lot like EJS said – I’m not really prone to levels of extreme blissed out energy or ridiculousness that I kind of associate with being excited. I”m not the type that ever jumps up and down excited for… anything. Doesn’t mean I’m not thrilled, it’s just that I don’t exhibit my emotions that way. You sound like you might be like this too, and don’t sweat it. Just smile and be honest: “I can’t wait to marry him, but we’ve got a lot to do!” That’s usually what I say 🙂
Post # 10
Minneapolitan, that’s a great way to phrase that! All my friends were giddy and jumping up and down and clapping their hands and doing the “eeeeeee you’re getting marrieeed!!!!” thing and i’m just not like that
I’m sure you’re just overwhelmed! You KNOW that you won’t focus on the wedding as much if you don’t get your stuff done! Delegate to others; it can take a load off.
Post # 11
thanks for all the advice ladies. i think i just need to talk to the FI and tell him he really needs to be stepping up more b/c i can’t do this on my own. if it’s supposed to be a partnership he needs to pull his weight too.
Post # 12
OK, I’m with you on the two weeks to go and stressing but once things fall into place and I’m with friends and family and the events start I think it will be great….I’m excited but right now think oh my gosh this isn’t going to work, which of course it will, it’s just how smoothly it will go. FI has a list of fun things to do this weekend, I’m not sure he realizes that it’s wedding overdrive time, he’ll be sour about it but we’ll compromise a bit and get it done. We have A LOT to do. But it’s almost time for the fun to begin.
Post # 13
We’re having the city hall wedding and dinner afterwards and FI still hasn’t told the photographer which shots he’d like either. There’s still a haze of details – even though they’re fewer. We’re moving internationally too, one week after the wedding, and do you think all the to-do’s for that have happened? Hah! We’re going crazy here too and it’s clouding my excitement.
Post # 14
Im a bit more than a month out from the wedding and I am feeling the same way. Im exciting, however, it’s hard to overcome that feeling when I am having constant wedding nightmares (I.e. one day to plan the wedding, hurricane during ceremony, arriving to cerermony and nothing is ready) and knowing just how much i have on my plate. Although FI’s family has offered to help since they are coming into town a bit earlier and my family is all local – I still find it hard to give them tasks b/c some of them are really hands on & dont think I can delegate.
It’s a weird feeling but I think the day of the wedding it will all come together. However, I do find myself when I am bitching about the wedding to shut my trap b/c I am the one who wants to details I want and I am making them happen rather than paying someone – so if I start nagging at FH, I think twice b/c that’s not what we are having a wedding for – and stop to think = this is for celebration not to stress me out – so I chill out a bit & have recently gotten into F#$% IT mode – if it’s dont done, it will get done or not and I just have to deal with that – Im not super woman so it is what it is.
Post # 15
Same boat. For the last few weeks, I’ve been asked about being excited and nervous and I was really just plain tired. And that’s what I told people. 🙂 I’m now 2 days out and the excitement is really hitting. It’s not like the stresses have gone away or everything is perfectly in place, I’m just excited knowing that ultimately we’re getting married and no matter what happens, nothing’s getting in the way of that. *shrug* everything has its time and place and we all deal with it in our own way. Definitely have your conversations early about expectations and delegations for others to do stuff, you don’t want a last hour breakdown on your part! 🙂
Post # 16
that’s a good point guava-tini. i think the interesting thing is that my fi didn’t want me to be a bridezilla. i told him at the beginning i would be happy w/ a courthouse wedding and dinner. he wanted something more (tho he didn’t want a big fluffy wedding). i wanted to hire a doc. he thought it was unnecessary. somehow i’m now stuck dealing with everything. i guess it’s hard b/c it’s not really what i wanted in the first place. but it’s too late to turn back now.
just need to vent i guess and i can’t really do it with others b/c i’m supposed to be this happy smiley bride. thank god for the hive!