- 6 years ago
- Wedding: January 2012
This worries me as i feel me and one of my BM are becoming distant 🙁
This worries me as i feel me and one of my BM are becoming distant 🙁
I’m still friends with both my BMs, but we’ve been friends for more than 10 years. However, I am not close to all the brides that I was a BM for. I was in several weddings in my early 20s and I don’t really see those friends much anymore. We live in different places and our paths just don’t cross much anymore. I guess I could make more of an effort, but I don’t see it being reciprocated so I don’t.
Just keep reaching out to your friend. Make time for her, and make sure she knows you still value her friendship.
My MOH bailed two days before our wedding and we haven’t spoken since….everyone else, absolutely still my go-to girls.
Any ideas as to why you may be growing distant?
sadly, no. I had to part with one of my BM 2 weeks before the wedding and I haven’t talked to her since. The other girls I don’t really talk to either. It is hard because we started a family right away and all my other friends don’t have kids and don’t really understand life with kids and a mortgage. It makes me upset thinking it has turned out this way, but in reality I wouldn’t change a thing. We have become more facebook friends than real “friends.” (tear)
I don’t think that a relationship with a BM is any different than any other friendship. Things sometimes drive you apart. Do you know why things are getting distant? Are the two of you at different points in your life (like marriage or kids and she is single)? That usually means you have to put more effort into maintaining the relationship.
Just think we want different things maybe… i also think she gets a bit jealous sometimes as shes that sort of girl.
I really am sad about who i picked as BM. Only a couple of them and just cant get it out of my head…… they went bad at the wedding but just wish Id had them there watching rather than in all the photos that we now have for life. x
I am friends with my bridal party and I think I will always be friends with each and every on of them but that doees not mean we see or hang out with each other all the time. I had 5: my 2 sisters who obviously will be around for the long haul. A girlfriend i have worked with for the past several years (her FI and my husband are great friends) and the last two were friends from childhood (one from highschool and one from diapers) Those two will ALWAYS be in my life but at some times more than others. They are definitly the type of friend who you may not see or talk to all the time but when you meet up again its like no time has passed. I’m thankful for that since we are in the transtition stages of our lives – some married, some single, some with kids, some working 9-5 others working nights…its tought o keep the friendship going constantly like that.
Yep, my bridesmaids and I have been friends since elementary school and junior high, so 15+ years. They’re not going anywhere.
Yes, they remain my best friends. Of the 6 of them, there is no doubt that all but one are friends for life – a few are like my sisters . But I got married at 31 so I think my relationships were a bit more solidified than younger brides might have!
Every older (50+) adult I know who had a bridal party made up of friends now does not speak to at least one, and more often many of the people who stood up for them. For this reason, my DH and I decided to have our bridal party made up of only our siblings. True – we could end up not talking to our siblings at some point in the future, but they’ll always be family.
I have had “BFF”s from grade school, highschool and college who I have drifted from or had falling outs with who I would have “sworn” at one point in my life that they would be my bridesmaid. For that reason alone, I decided that I didn’t want any of my current friends permanently plastered next to me in my photo albums. You never know what paths life might take you on, and I didn’t want to be showing my album to my kids in 20 years and say “what’s her name…?” like my MIL did!
On my side, yes. Granted, we’re not married yet. And 3 out of 5 are relatives. The other 2 may as well be relatives. I don’t think they’re going anywhere….
FI’s side is a whoooooooole other story……..
oh thats upsetting as hope that doesnt happen with me…….. 🙁
had no sisters or girls to put in bridal party…… 🙁
I definitely am, but like any friendships, they fluctuate a bit. For example, one of my BMs got married right before I did, so we’re both in our first year of marriage and focusing a bit more on our husbands, which means we’ve seen each other less lately. But I think that’s to be expected. We’re still great friends, but all friendships shift around a bit through time. Keep putting in the effort, and I think it will be okay!
I know that remaining friends with two of my BMs is going to be difficult. One of them lives in St. Louis, and so we don’t see each other regularly. In fact, I’ve only seen her three times in the past eight years (once when I went on a college visit near her, once for her wedding, and once for mine). However, she was my best friend growing up, and I’ve known her since I was six months old. We’ll always have some sort of connection, even if we have drifted apart. I knew that going into it, and I’m okay with it because she’s still be a huge part of my life.
The other one lives in Japan, and I’ve known her the least amount of time of all my BMs (for three and a half years now). Keeping in touch with her has been hard because of the distance and the time difference. We try to chat online, but we’re both so busy that we rarely end up online at the same time. As much as I hate to admit it, there’s a language gap, too, since my Japanese has been going downhill since I moved back to the States. I worry that we’ll drift apart because of the difficulty in communication. I’ll fight to keep her as a friend, though. She is one of the most awesome ladies I’ve ever met, and I miss her and her family every day.
The other four, though, I know will remain in my life for quite some time to come. One is my SIL, and I’m stuck with her. Two more are my old high school friends, and we’ve been friends for twelve years now and hang out fairly frequently. The last one was originally one of DH’s best friends, and they’ve known each other for eight years. Plus, she’s dating one of DH’s other best friends/hockey teammates, so she’s not going anywhere.
My relationship with my MOH and my SIL got rocky. I think having my SIL in my bridal party showed me her true colors that I was trying to ignore so I did cut ties from her after the wedding and did have to threaten to “fire” her if she didn’t start acting like a team player. She was being a diva, aka would refuse to wear anything other than Jimmy Choos even though I had only a color requirement of the shoes (nude/beige) so I don’t know why she got all diva on me when I didn’t care….
As for my MOH, she got really really distant. I had to basically guilt her into helping me with two DIY projects and that was those were the only times I’d ever asked for help. My MOH and I are obviously very close, so it hurt me, but we are straight shooters so I asked her point blank if she was mad at me for something and she said no, so I dropped it. I later found out (months after my wedding) she was having family issues and that’s why she was so distant. We are still best friends today.
The other 2 bms and I did become closer through all of the crazy wedding planning though.
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