Post # 1
So DH and I are TTC, and the only people I have told are my very best friend (bc I tell her everthing no matter what) and my pregnant sister (because she is scared to tell my parents, I had to make her feel better saying I am TTC, too). Not another soul knows (besides all you bees!), and I would very much like to keep it that way.
Anyways, DH went to his parents for dinner last night (I had to stay home and study), and he comes back and says that his brother and his wife announced tonight that they were going to start trying for a baby. I freaked out immediately dreading what was coming next as part of this story since we are also TTC…but thank goodness DH assured me he did not say a word about us TTC to his parents or them.
Is it strange that I find this strange? I think that TTC is kinda private…plus it would put even MORE pressure on a couple, and I think it takes the fun out of announcing when you get that BFP. I seriously think they are complete bonkers, because my MIL is slightly crazy and she will be asking them every second about things, my DH even said she started going off on SIL about charting and what else she needs to do to be successful. AWKWARD! The crappiest part now is if we both get pregnant soon, it will kind of take away from each other’s spotlights, but then again, it might be fun. Why would I LOVE to be pregnant with my own, blood-related sister, but would feel a little jealous if my SIL got pregnant? Probably the TTC crazies I guess. Haha..
So who have you told about TTC?
Post # 3
We haven’t started yet (much to my dismay but darn being practical!) but I think my mom will know and that is it. I’m not nearly close enough with his mom for her to know until we are actually pregnant but I am really close to my mom and don’t have very good female friends to talk about something like that with and I think, especially if it is hard for us I will go crazy not telling ANYONE.
Post # 4
@chasesgirl: Yeah, I think that’s why I had to tell my best friend. I wish I could talk to my mom about it, but she would try and talk me out of TTC, I’m afraid, since I am still in school (plus she had 4 kids at 35+, but I am terrified to wait that long).
I agree you almost have to tell SOMEONE, but discussing charting, BDing, etc. with MIL? Hells to the no. I feel so bad for SIL, she is going to be put through the ringer by that lady. Hahaha. I had to re-iterate to DH last night that if he tells his parents, I might have to go for a while NOT TTC bc I would be so mad at him! Not really, but I would be pissed and would avoid MIL like the plague. Bless her heart, she is so nice, but thinks she knows the correct way to do everything in life and tries to enforce her opinions on everyone.
OMG I am still just imagining her telling me the best positions to get pregnant in and half-laughing, half-gagging, because she would SO go there without even a second thought about it maybe crossing the line. Poor, Poor, SIL.
Post # 5
Telling nobody. It’s noone’s business. I also consider it a very private matter. I don’t want people constantly asking how it’s going. Plus, if it doesn’t happen, I don’t want to have to deal with explaining that either.
Post # 6
@GFerg: exactly, having to explain things if, heaven forbid, they did not go well to a crap ton of people would devastate me even more.
I get all excited when people tell me they are PREGNANT because I think about babies! When someone says, “oh hey, we are trying to get pregnant” the only thing I can think about is them doing it all the time. Yuck. Hahaha
Post # 7
Just my sister and my close friend who is going through the same process as me. I get really tired of people asking me all the time about when we’re planning to try. What’s the best comeback without being rude?
Post # 8
@Onime: I don’t know, that’s a tough one. I have the advantage of time on my side–we have only been married for 5 months, so people aren’t so quick to assume that we would be TTC already (sometimes I think it’s a little crazy myself! Lol).
After my older brother and SIL finally had to resort to IVF to get pregnant (after my mother, my sisters, and I all constantly asking about when because we wanted grandkids/nieces or nephews) I definitely learned my lesson to never ask a couple about it. I can’t imagine how tough it is to go through years of TTC without any luck, all the while with people constantly bugging you about it. We all felt so bad that we had been asking and asking and the entire time they had BEEN trying, just without success.
I think they always used some line of, “Nope, sorry, not yet!” or “Guess everyone will just have to wait and find out, who knows how long it will be!” or “We haven’t really decided yet. Stay tuned.”
Post # 9
I already know that we will struggle with fertility so I plan on not telling anyone that we’re TTC.
Post # 10
We’re TTC, but have only told 2 people. A really good friend of ours, and I told my hairdresser!
Post # 11
gosh, family already puts enough pressure on us DAILY!! Yikes. The most I will tell them is that we are off birth control and put it in the Lord’s hands!
And that way, they cool down a bit about it.
Post # 12
We haven’t started trying yet, but, like you, i had planned on telling no one. Now, as it gets closer, i find myself telling a few of my friends, mostly because none of my friends have kids and i guess i sort of want to prep them that it’s coming eventually. that said, i prob won’t say a word about it when we actually start trying!
Also, my DH can’t keep his mouth shut and he tells everyone. he’s told a few people i’m knocked up recently, and i’m still on the pill. so i’m guessing his friends will know every little detail, which is kind of off-putting to me, but whatever. Good that he’s excited!
Post # 13
I told my sister (we tell each other everything), my pregnant friend at work (I had a lot of questions and wanted someone I could trust), and my neighbor friend who has children (who struggled with infertility).
Post # 14
I don’t plan on telling anyone… it seems too private to me!
I do have a perspective on the other side though. Someone I know is TTC, and it has been awkwardly brought up several times… and I’m not even that close to her! I would say in an average night out, she mentions it 5-6 times. So my advice would be: if you do tell your friends, don’t elaborate too much too often! It is a truly exciting time, but the gory details are not aquantances business!
Post # 15
@Onime: I get really tired of people asking me all the time about when we’re planning to try. What’s the best comeback without being rude?
When I was married to my first husband (for 16 years), we would CONSTANTLY get asked that. People thought it was a crime that we didn’t have children. Even my mother would constantly nag me about “well if I had grandbabies..” blah blah and it really was irritating. She even told me that my eggs are getting old.
So one day I told her in a not-so-nice way that it’s not polite to ask, because you never know if someone is having fertility issues or not. Because you just never know. Or some people don’t want children. Other couples may be having marital issues and TTC isn’t the right thing at the moment. I just really hate when people butt into other people’s personal matters.
Post # 16
I’ve told several people… Well, a lot of people know I should say. People asked if we were going to try for a baby after the wedding and I’m a horrible liar so I said yes, and of course it would be in front of like, a group of friends, a group of coworkers, whatever it is… =/ I hate it because the wedding was in March (they don’t know we started before the wedding) and now people are asking questions like, “have you seen the doctor yet,” giving the “stop trying and it will happen” advice, “what does the doctor say,” etc. Which, I’m pretty open about my fertility struggles, so it’s whatever, but I don’t like it that people just don’t know what to say so they end up saying hurtful things without knowing it. I wish I could just wear an infertility etiquette sign lol.