(Closed) Are you the first of your friends to get married?

posted 8 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 3
Member
433 posts
Helper bee

We’re the first in our group of friends, I feel like it’s putting a lot of pressure on the guys who are dating my girl friends (or rather my friends are putting more pressure on their guys) but other than that not much has changed. I try not to let wedding talk be the center of my conversations and really only bring it up briefly when someone asks first.

Post # 4
Member
4547 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’m the first among my very closest 3 friends, but not among my friends in general. So far, it hasn’t made a huge difference but that may be because my friends and I all live far away and FI and I have been living together for 2+ years.

Post # 6
Member
1506 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

We’re the first to get married out of my friends and the 3rd couple to get married out of my FI’s group of friends. The 2 couples that are married already have kids, so they’re in a different “place” than us. It stinks being the only person you know who is engaged. I see posts on here sometimes about how pissed girls get when one of their friends gets engaged and steals their thunder, but I would love it, even if it just meant someone to go wedding shopping with and do wedding projects with!

Post # 8
Member
2532 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

We are the first of my friends to be getting married and the 2nd of FIs friends. I wouldnt really say its changed anything at all. We are the same as we have always been and we try not to talk about wedding plans too much…although now that the wedding is only 2 weeks away our friends are bringing it up more than us!

Post # 9
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@trugem: I do understand where your coming from, i find myself in a similar situation. Im the 2nd from my group of friends to get married, and as my relationship grew stronger my relationships with my gf’s grew weaker. I hardly get to see them anymore and dont get invited to events they go to or vacations which we all used to do. I havnt shared any wedding plans with them yet as i havnt had any communications with them since i got engaged.

Post # 10
Member
57 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

We’re not the first of FH’s friends, but we’re the first of my friends, and unfortunately, I sense that some of my girlfriends are a little jealous, specifically the ones who are not in “serious” relationships. It’s a bummer, I just wish everyone would realize that it happens at different times for different people and it’s not a friggin’ competition! I try to stay in contact and make sure to show interest in their lives, hopefully things won’t last forever this way for any of us in this situation!

Post # 11
Member
57 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

sorry double post!

Post # 12
Member
2250 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

I’m the last of my girlfriends and he is one of the first of his guy friends. I’m glad I went last because I learned really good things at all of their weddings! They all did things I might have done if they hadn’t tried them and had it be wierd. Like starting morning ceremony. It is great if all the girls are morning people but omg I am so NOT. Also one wedding started late and felt really short, plus people left a ness in the bridal suite! At first I was worried that they would use all the ideas that I liked but in the end we were all really unique.

For me the wedding tim also coincided with graduation and people moving away changed our friendships as much as being married. we have lived together for a while so the wedding doesn’t really change our dynamic with our friends.

Post # 13
Member
191 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@PaperCrane: I am in the exact same position as you. I am the first of my friends to get engaged and it was kind of unexpected (in a good way). It made my gf’s start thinking about their relationships and putting the pressure on their bf’s to get married or at least think about it. I also try not to talk about the wedding very much either.  It definitely adds a different dynamic to our friendship but were still very close.

Post # 13
Member
191 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@PaperCrane: I am in the exact same position as you. I am the first of my friends to get engaged and it was kind of unexpected (in a good way). It made my gf’s start thinking about their relationships and putting the pressure on their bf’s to get married or at least think about it. I also try not to talk about the wedding very much either.  It definitely adds a different dynamic to our friendship but were still very close.

Post # 14
Member
191 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Sorry double post

Post # 15
Member
240 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I thought I would offer an alternate perspective on this post. My FI and I are the LAST of our friends to get married. During my single, non-engaged, not even dating anyone stage, I had friendships that changed once people got engaged/married and friendships that stayed the same and friendships that got stronger. My biggest issue I had with some of my engaged friends was that suddenly the world revolved around their wedding and I could not possibly relate because I have never been in this position before. (These friends are also the ones that have kids now and now everything about “pre-children life” is trivial and I will not possibly understand until I have kids.)

I also experienced my fair share of jealousy and probably distanced myself from a few of them – especially when I had been dating an ex for 2 years and a friend got engaged after only dating her boy for 6 months. 

It’s hard being the non-engaged one, now that I am engaged, I try really hard to ask about my friends lives and not lose myself in my wedding. (I am not saying that anyone is.) My advice is to just keep calling them and asking them about their lives and let them ask you about your wedding. They’ll come around eventually and if not, something you have to accept as you get older is that friendships change and sometimes you lose touch. It’s no ones fault – it’s just life. Your true friends will be there. 

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