(Closed) are you the same ‘level’ of good looking as your partner?

posted 8 years ago in Beauty
Post # 3
1336 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

Interesting post.  I don’t know, obviously I think he’s attractive. I’ve never heard of any comments that neither he or I are too attractive for one another, or that one of us has “settled” or anything like that.  We’ve actually received a lot of compliments as a cute couple, and some of “you guys are going to have cute babies,” type of comments.  I know those made my day.  So far so good I guess, right? 

Post # 4
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I’ve heard that theory before, and I tend to agree with it — because of the exceptions more than anything else! I know a couple; she’s drop dead gorgeous and he’s … chubby, kind of a smushed face, balding since 30, just not a great looking guy. He’s got an AMAZING personality, and once you get to know them, you realize that they’re perfect for each other, BUT

Until you get to know them, everyone I’ve ever known who’s met them has had exactly the same reaction: “How the heck did he end up with her???”

The fact that their discrepency in appearance consistently causes so much shock/surprise/disbelief, in my mind, indicates that it’s NOT the norm in our society.

J and I are both moderately good looking people. We’re both a little soft around the middle, neither of us will ever grace a magazine cover, but we hold our own. 🙂 I think we’re pretty on par with each other. (For the record, he’s constantly telling me that I’m gorgeous, hot, etc, and I am incredibly attracted to him — but from an objective standpoint I recognize that he’s more Tom Hanks than Brad Pitt, if you know what I mean.)

I don’t mean to say this is good/bad, right/wrong, but I definitely think it happens.

Post # 5
511 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

The hubby and I are very different! First of all, we’re an interracial couple- Im American and he’s Sri lankan. I would say we’re both attractive- but for our own cultures. He’s a “tall, dark, and handsome” and Im a “blonde, girl next door” type. People always tell us we’re going to have gorgeous children- and it is a wonderful compliment!! 

Post # 6
2889 posts
Sugar bee

I totally know what your co-worker is talking about.  A friend of mine once described it as a window (she was actually telling me that my boyfriend at the time is at the window sill and I should look for someone who is in my window). I haden’t thought about it lately but I would say Fiance and I are in the same window.

Post # 7
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

I thnk hubs and I are damn good looking! Kiss

We are evenly matched, although I didn’t find him attractive in high school and he felt the same about me. But we’ve both grown into our insecurities

Post # 8
1526 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I love my Fiance, he is the most amazing guy I thought I would never find. When you have a child from a previous relationship, especially when your younger (I am 22 with a 6 year old) you tend to expect more from a guy because of what you want for your child. Fortunately my daughter’s dad is VERY much a part of her life so the Fiance doesn’t feel all the pressure but I think he feels more because he is having to deal with the co-parent too. That being said I hear all the time that we are “the how did he get her couple?” He is prematurely balding and it started at 16 but he is build great. I use to get very offended and still kind of do because who are they to judge but most of the time I am just like eh..think what you will, we are happy

Post # 9
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

Um… when we were first dating I definitely thought that Fiance was better looking than me! haha. Which never happens (hot girl not so hot guy? yep. Hot guy not so hot girl? never). It is mostly because I feel that I have a lot of weight to lose and it makes me really self conscious. But… I think that Fiance actually has a similar (if opposite) issue in that he is super tall and has trouble gaining weight and he is self conscious about that. So basically I think we’re pretty evenly matched in that we both think the other is hot and have issues with ourselves… lol

Post # 10
2280 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

We’re pretty well matched in appearances; he has the better nose and teeth, but I have the better skin and metabolism. 😛 We may even up more as I get older and my appearance matures. All-in-all, I think my SO is one super hot piece of man flesh, and I don’t feel inadequate standing next to him at all.

During high school one guy said I fell down the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way. I guess I recovered. Laughing

Post # 11
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

There are studies that apparently state that the “happiest” couples are ones where the woman is considered more attractive than the man. Apparently when women date MORE attractive men, issues tend to pop up.

Darling Husband likes to reference that Family Guy episode where Meg gets beat with a stick for dating an 8 when she’s clearly a 5, lol.

While I think my husband’s attractive (he’s no Brad Pitt but I’m not exactly Angelina Jolie either), he likes to say that he must’ve done something good in order to get me to come down to his level, lol. But sadly, I have had people comment to MY FACE that I “could’ve done better” in regards to dating more attractive men. Who says that?! And I’ve dated “super hot guys”…they’re always super jerks and into themselves. Not to mention the ones I’ve met aren’t as educated as i like my men to be…some of you ladies must’ve snatched them up =]

Post # 12
1982 posts
Buzzing bee

Corgi I think you and I have similar situations in regards to this! When Fiance and I started dating, literally he was a stick, and he had some self-esteem issues (and I did, too)–now that he’s put on some pounds and I’m losing some, not to mention our personalities mesh well, I think we’re both at the same “level.” And if we’re not, who cares–we love each other, people can think what they will!

Post # 13
6598 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

I think Fiance and I match equally on level of attractiveness.

I have heard this a lot there is even a term for when I guy gets a girl who is better looking they say he “over chicked!” It’s kinda hilarious!

But at the same time it doesn’t really mean anything because you know how when you meet someone and you don’t think they are attractive but as you get to know them their attractiveness increases due to their personality. And the same thing goes for attractive people and their attractiveness decreases when they have a nasty personality. Personality matters way more than physical attraction in the long run!

Post # 14
1037 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2010 - Carlouel Yacht Club

Hmmmm well I think that Mr. B is pretty darn cute…but he always insists that I’m much more attractive than him (how sweet is that…). I think that we make a very good looking couple overall! 🙂

Post # 15
2004 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

This is a real concept in psychology called the matching hypothesis. Given that people are rated on a scale of 1-10 in terms of attractiveness, the idea is that partners have the best shot at getting and staying together if they are within a few points of one another. One factor leading to this is people’s expectations about who they are capable of dating—some people might be so attractive we consider them out of our league and so to avoid rejection we set our sights a little closer to earth, but not too low—so, generally near our own level of attractiveness.  Similarly, others’ perceptions of our match can impact the relationship.  So even if you score someone out of your league, you are going to spend your whole life having people wonder how it ever happened (like in Daydreamwanderer’s story, above). This dissonance can sow doubt and erode the relationship.

I think my husband and I are pretty well matched. But really I think that most couples are well-matched, because most of us are going to be in the middle range of attractiveness purely by the laws of normal distributions anyway. It’s only the people at the ends of the distribution–the really ugly and the really beautiful—that are going to have to go to extra trouble to find someone to be a reasonable match to them.

Post # 16
268 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I’d say that We are right about the same level. I don’t know. I think you do naturally look for a person on your same level. I think your going to be attracted to someone who has similar qualities as yourself.

A side note that I think is funny. Does it ever seem like as married couples grow older; they start looking alike?? I don’t know why but it seems like a lot of older couples I know seem to start looking simlar as they age. Seems odd; but I think still proves that you look for similar qualities in mates.

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