(Closed) Are your In-laws helpful with the planning?

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1096 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

My in-laws are on the west coast so they can’t really help with the physical stuff but…I really wish they were taking more of an interest in it. When I had my shower I didn’t even get a card, or text or anything even acknowledging my shower. They just have their own little lives out there and choose not to acknowledge our lives out here.

Post # 4
Member
37 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2011

My FI’s mother and two sisters haven’t helped at all.  The most his mom did was to pay for the rehearsal dinner and completely ignore my requests to shorten her guest list (instead she added people).  It’s really just been myself and my parents doing everything.

Is there anything they could do? Such as a backdrop, anything involving power tools or sharp objects other then a needle and thread?  That’s how I’ve kept my dad involved.  Plus he’s easier to shop with then my mom :D.

Post # 5
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

They helped out when I asked for it. I know my MIL doesn’t want to seem pushy, so she was good about offering help without pushing it. I think they’re biggest help was in the beginning when I was freaking out about budget, my MIL went through her other son’s entire wedding budget with me and gave me ideas on how to cut costs. We asked them to check out the venue with us before we signed, and they did the RD. Other than that they didn’t really help, but I didn’t really want their help. I liked doing it on my own.

Have you asked them for help?

Post # 6
Member
3978 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I’m not sure you can expect much from a family of all men on his side. If you’d really like their help maybe you can find a specific project and “assign” your FI and his side to get it done, maybe help them out and make it a bonding experience. The average guy isn’t going to readily volunteer for wedding projects. I’ve had a bit of help from my FI’s side, but not much. I’m fine with it though, I didn’t really expect it and I’ve had more than enough help. If I’d asked them specifically for something I know they’d have helped.

Post # 9
Member
1940 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

At times I thought my in-laws were out to ruin the wedding – literally.  It was honestly better when they didn’t try to be involved.

Post # 10
Member
5110 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2011

His family hasnt helped at all. But I kind of prefer that. I will admit that I am a major control freak so I only have a select few that I would even let help under supervision. I know I sound nuts. But its who I am lol

Post # 11
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Oh HELLLLLLL no I don’t wish they had helped more. They stayed 100% out of it, and that was awesome. Wouldn’t have it any other way (I really like my in-laws, too, just really wanted a specific vision for the day)

Post # 12
Member
328 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Mine haven’t really helped out at all, which is strange because his mom has always been super nice. I’ve always liked her and she’s always liked me. We go shopping together when we go back to our hometowns to visit, etc. but now she doesn’t seem too interested. She liked my dress and was excited to see it, but since then it’s pretty much stopped. I called her a few times to ask her opinion on reception sites but she pretty much says “well it’s up to you guys”. I understand if she doesn’t want to be pushy or push ideas on me, but if I’m asking for her opinion then I want it!!!

Also, traditionally (at least where I’m from) the groom’s parents pay for alcohol. His family doesn’t drink, so my parents said they were fine paying for it but mentioned maybe they could pay for pop/water for the night. FI asked and they said they wouldn’t be paying for anything. (OK whatever, they don’t HAVE to pay for anything but it kind of irks me seeing as they make much more money than my parents do).

On the other hand, his grandma is super helpful and offers to pay for things for me, which I appreciate a lot but at the same time, I feel like she shouldn’t have to! She paid for my necklace and earrings which was super nice. But..I also have to deal with her calling me EVERY.SINGLE.DAY (not joking) and asked me if I have found shoes yet, picked a location, yadda yadda yadda! So I guess sometimes having help isn’t exactly all it’s cracked up to be.

My parents though have been awesome. Since I live 5 hours away they have gone to places to get price quotes and menus, looked at outdoor wedding locations, etc. Since they are paying they obviously have lots of say, but they aren’t being pushy at all and want to know what I want. So I guess, even though it kind of sucks, take the help you can get from the people who ARE excited about the wedding and the people who aren’t being involved, well, it’s their loss!

Post # 12
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Nope, neither my mother or my in-laws are offering to help any.  

I’m soooo glad, too.  Otherwise I’d only hear complaints, grumbling, and a general “oh, no,  you can’t do THAT!” and “you MUST have this!” Um, yes I can and no I don’t because a)we’re paying and b)it’s OUR wedding, NOT YOURS.

I kinda tricked my brother into making my card box (the fun of having a carpenter for a brother who hates when I can’t cut anything straight… even from cardboard… hehehehehehe).  My SIL offered to paint it (and if it looks terrible, EVERYONE will know she did it… a little word here, a comment there… and it’ll spread like wildfire 😉  Fortunately, she’s pretty good a painting stuff like that, so I’m sure it’ll look good.

Other than that, and my mom agreeing to look for certain things when I asked her, we’ve pretty free of help.  Which kinda sucks ’cause I don’t get to have crafty parties or anything, but oh, well.  I’ve got the kids to entertain me while I do the crafty stuff…. and to distract me. (“mommy, can I have a drink?”  “I’m hungry.”  “When’s lunch/dinner?”  “Can I have a snack?”  “Can we watch…?”  Yeah, being a parent is fun, lol)

Post # 13
Member
1506 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

My in-laws are always asking if we want them to pay for this or that, but as soon as I actually give them things they can help me with (ie sorting out hotels for their family or getting a list of music they want played) they procrastinate and it never gets done, which is the opposite of helpful. It drives me insane.

Post # 14
Member
698 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Um, no.  They don’t even care about their son or the fact we are getting married.  Only thing they care about is that we live together. “you shouldn’t be living with THAT WOMAN.” …..yup, that’s all they say.  And no $ from them, they don’t even have enough for a tux rental.  I’m acually doing everthing on my own anyway, since I’m a control freak…LOL

Post # 15
Member
4887 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

My FMIL sobbed hysterically when she got the news of our engagement (she didn’t like the way she was told… apparently a phone call soon after we were back stateside is not enough?).  My FSIL still has yet to congratulate me.  FI doesn’t talk much with his dad and step mom, but step FMIL did post a congrats on my FB page .  I’m pretty sure that they will, without a doubt, not be interested in helping out with this wedding…. and I’m thrilled. 

Seriously, it’s already hard enough to do this with my OWN wavering opinions and feedback, let alone those of others.  This is why I don’t dress shop with anyone other than myself and my mom, and sometimes she’s not even there with me.  Please just show up on the day of, tell me I look pretty, wish us the best, and enjoy yourself.  That’s all I want 🙂

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