Are you/Will you be spanking parents?

posted 1 year ago in Parenting
  • poll: do you plan to spank if you deem it as necessary?
    no, we do not plan to spank no matter the reason : (203 votes)
    32 %
    We don't know yet : (27 votes)
    4 %
    Has not been discussed but interesting topic : (28 votes)
    4 %
    we are CFBC but i like polls : (16 votes)
    2 %
    It's not out of the question, : (102 votes)
    16 %
    yes, we plan to spank if necessary : (266 votes)
    41 %
  • Member
    3237 posts
    Sugar bee

    I was spanked as a kid and i’m not 100% against it but I don’t thinik it’s necessary. I think you can talk to your child and figure out what works best as discipline with them instead of using fear to teach them a lesson. My mom used to use a belt on me and it really didn’t do anything except make me mad. What really got my attention was when she took away my computer, cell phone, car, etc.

    I don’t want my kids to be afraid of me like I was of my mom when she got mad. It’s not a way to live.

    ETA: My husband was punished a little too severe for my liking and i’m concerned that if I allowed spanking in my house it could turn into something really violent. I love my husband to death but he acts quickly when he’s angry and I don’t want spanking as an option.

    Member
    6407 posts
    Bee Keeper

    No, I don’t believe in corporal punishment. I know I will be a fairly strict parent though. There will be timeouts and other consequences.

    My parents did not spank.

    Member
    4508 posts
    Honey bee

    I voted “We don’t know yet” because we’ve discussed it several times and we always disagree. DH was spanked as a kid and he believes it can be an important disciplinary tool in certain situations. I was not spanked and I see it as cruel. I would never want to intentionally cause my child pain, no matter how bad they’ve been. So we’re continuing to struggle with this issue.

    Member
    1331 posts
    Bumble bee

    @Birdee106:  +1

    I will not spank because my dad did.  My mom used time outs instead.  I listened to my mom better, and until I was much older I didn’t have a good relationship with my dad.  I have to think it had something to do with him always being the “bad cop”

    Member
    6729 posts
    Bee Keeper

    We will spank, but only as a last resort, and only as a controlled, calm punishment.  We will never hit our child impulsively or out of anger.  

    Member
    5409 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I’m more open to it as a last resort than DH is so I voted “it’s not out of the question”. I was spanked as a child (only my mother ever did it) and I’m not scarred or anything. Timeouts weren’t really that effective with me and my little brother would have been run over by a car if she hadn’t spanked him a few times.

    Member
    3237 posts
    Sugar bee

    @BushelAndAPeck:  I think time outs are really good for young kids. Take away their toys. Don’t let them watch tv. Anything other than fear. You have to show them that you love them but they acted poorly so they don’t get to do what they want for awhile. All spanking teachs them is that mom/dad is mad and they hit when they are mad. If you’re bad then you should be punished with violence.

     

    Member
    1538 posts
    Bumble bee

    FI and I believe sometimes a little smack does more than trying to rationalize with a child can. That said, IMO, it’s not something that’s to be done unless there are certain conditions, and I don’t think it is something I’d ever do once the child is older than 8ish. I do feel like this generation of children feels more entitled and more ready to challenge authority than I ever was as a kid, and sometimes a smack says just that; What I say goes, end of story. Sometimes, it really is “because I said so”.

    Member
    701 posts
    Busy bee

    DH and I were both spanked as kids, and we grew up just fine!  We were not abused, just spanked occasionally for bad behavior.  That said, we have decided not to spank our children, and to try to reason it out, do time outs, take away toys and priveleges, that sort of thing.  My sister was spanked much more than I was, and she still acted out a LOT more than i did.  But we haven’t ruled it completely out.  We have agreed that it would be an absolute last resort and we are really hoping it won’t get to that point.  

    Member
    1959 posts
    Buzzing bee

    No, I don’t believe in corporal punishment.  I think there are plenty of other ways to discipline your children other than causing them physical pain (time outs, not letting them play with a certain toy for a certain amount of time, etc).  I was not spanked as a child, and as far as I know, neither was DH.

    Member
    2923 posts
    Sugar bee

    I’m not 100% sure yet. While my gut reaction is “I was spanked and I turned out fine,” the older I get and the more I think about it, I didn’t turn out fine. I had a lot of emotional issues and social issues that I had to work through over the years and we (therapist included) believe part of it stemmed from spanking as a child. My parents were shitty at it. While I was never beaten, I was the type of child that should not have been spanked. Being spanked caused me emotional distress. Long term, extreme emotional distress. I was the child that should have been spoken to, who should have had a parent willing to listen to them, who should have had alternate forms of discipline. And while not every child is me I do believe that in the future spanking will be an absolute last resort in our future family. Yes, I’m a fully functioning adult who (now) has successful relationships and a successful career. Spanking didn’t take that from me. But it did give me some giant emotional roadblocks, tons of childhood stress, and a poor relationship with my parents because I was never able to bond with them properly. Not to mention I don’t respect or trust their decision making abilities, and don’t feel they’re competent disciplinarians. And because of those things I tolerated some horrible, abusive relationships because I suffered from acute shame, a lack of self confidence, and didn’t feel I could reach out to my parents for guidance.

    Just my 2 cents on why we most likely will not be spanking.

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