Sometimes I feel alone in this boat! My fiance and I have decided to NOT live together before marriage.
We made this decision because..
1. We want to respect our families’ religious beliefs
2. We have spent enough time with each other over the past 6+ years that we know each other as well as anyone who has lived together. (Living habits and silly things that will drive me nuts! lol, Like how he never remembers to rinse his hair out of the sink after he shaves and how he throws his dirty socks and underwear on the bed when he changes in the morning.)
3. We have experience budgeting and paying bills together, we are both independently financially responsible, and we have similar spending habits, so we don’t foresee any financial conflict.
And most importantly,
4. We (I) want it to be extra special when we finally do get married. (He will literally carry me over the threshold into our new home! Something I have dreamed about since I was little)
Why did you decide to live/not to live together before marriage?
@OnceUponATime: Sounds like good enough reasons to me!
I guess for us it just sort of happened naturally. We spent a lot of time together right from the start, and he never spent much time at his place. We figured it was silly to pay for 2 places, so he officially moved in with me. We did discuss that we want to get married, though. I made the mistake in my early 20s of moving in w. a guy when the relationship was headed nowhere and did not want to make the same mistake again.
So hopefully we will be married pretty soon!
im one of the few who don’t live with my FI. There’s a couple reasons:
- Religious reasons: both devoted Christians who are also virgins. We are both waiting for marriage, so living together would be too big of a temptation. Its already hard enough as it is lol!
- It would be frowned upon where I live
- When we do move in together, it’s just gonna be that much more awesome. Roommates AND hubby/wifey!!
In the end, I’m glad we don’t live together right now. And it’s totally okay that we don’t.
I’ll explain my “Other” vote! We are LDR and live in different countries, so we cannot live together permanently until one of us has a visa (in our case I will get a spousal visa). However, he visits me here for weeks at a time, and I try to visit longer when I am on school holidays (two months this summer, three weeks this winter, etc.).
So in a sense we have short bursts of living together, but I can’t totally move in, so I feel like I am a little inbetween!
And with that said, if we were a more conventional couple and were in the same country, we’d definitely be living together before marrying. I think it’s nice to have the difficult parts of that adjustment done with before the wedding. It’s convenient too. And it’s just pretty dang fun!
Yup! We’ve been together for 4 years and lived together for more than 2 of those years. We were spending so much time together, it was super annoying to go back and forth between our apartments (not close together). I think it was also helpful to take our relationship to a more intimate level prior to making the commitment to get engaged/married– I think it helped him to feel ready to take that next step.
I live with my FI.
1. I can’t afford rent on my own.
2. I love spending time with my FI, and I know if I didn’t live with him I would never see him. (He’s working 60 hours a week right now and going to school full time. I literally wouldn’t see him until Sunday).
3. It just reaffirms my love for him when I see him doing little things that I wouldn’t see otherwise.
4. We were a LDR for 2 summers and 2 Christmas vacations… and for one semester of college. We just wanted to be together.
We have been together almost 7 years. We bought our house last summer because it was about damn time we lived together! Haha, but we knew we would get engaged and then married. His parents didn’t love the idea since they are pretty traditional but they knew this wasn’t just a fling.
We are living together pre-marriage. For me there was no issue of religion or waiting or anything, although I completely respect those as reasons, but we just really wanted to see each other more! We were semi-long distance (90 miles) away from each other until we lived together, so although we’d spent weekends together and stuff, it just wasn’t enough. I have to say it’s been a great decision, our love has only grown and of course we got engaged soon after; living together was like a next step for us.
We are living together because we wanted to and it saved FH money. We did wait until we were engaged though.
We spent most of our relationship being somewhat long distance and when I moved to be closer to him (30 minutes away from where he lived) he just sort of came over one night and never left. I won’t complain though. I love seeing him every day and he loves the fact that the house payment is less than his rent so he has extra money at the end of the month.
Just wanted to add that I think living with FI as my HUSBAND will be totally different from living with him as my fiance. And he is still going to carry me over the threshold of our apartment. And whenever we buy a house, he’ll carry me over that threshold, too!
@Almost Mrs.P: You bring up such a good point! We see each other 3-6 times per week.. and we live 25 min apart! It gets realllly old sometimes. We do stay with each other frequently, but it is still a lot of driving!
@bowsergirl: I knew someone would be the “other” my heart hurts just thinking about being away from my SO. My heart goes out to you!!
Sounds like we can all relate in many ways.
@Azyriah: You and I know how tough it is to wait! We just live vicariously through these lucky ladies (just think, only so many more days before we get to have permanent bff sleepovers! haha)
Fiance and I have been long distance for our entire 6.5 year relationship. I lived in FL (for college) when we started dating and he lived in IN and he still does. I moved to Chicago for grad school and to be closer to him 3 years ago. Our tentative plan was for him to move over here and go to school for his BA; but he decided to go to school in IN because it would be cheaper. We’re planning a wedding here, and I’m not equipped to move to where he lives (I don’t have a car) just now. I will be moving a few weeks after our wedding though and commuting to my job because it pays well
I would never pledge to spend the rest of my life without living with them first. That’s when you learn someone’s true personality/habits/lifestyle choices.
We lived together before marriage, we had sex before marriage, we bought a house before marriaige, we did everything backwards LOL.
We slept at each others place often, so living together eventualy came naturally. We couldnt be apart I guess.
@OnceUponATime: only 241 more nights! Lol!