Aren't these things supposed to "just happen"?!

posted 3 years ago in TTC
Post # 2
Member
1734 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1998

We started trying to conceive at the beginning of June 2013. Right away, though, I used ovulation tests to help…and found myself chilling out at cycle 9, still not pregnant. I threw in BBTs for cycle 9 and 10 just to CONFIRM that I was ovulating. In cycle 9, we went to see an RE for help and he scheduled us for several tests. When cycle 10 started, I hesitated and told my husband that we would start treatment at the beginning of cycle 11. In our case, it worked out: cycle 10 was the magic one. From June to the beginning of February — the “official” beginning of my pregnancy — it took 8 months for me to get pregnant, even with perfectly-timed intercourse.

You are right in one sense: of those who time sex for ovulation, about half are pregnant within 3 cycles/months. Even looking around here, it’s extremely common for people to report getting pregnant within 5 cycles. But still, you’re right out of the gate, and it’s really a flip of the coin as to whether or not you’ll be in one camp or the other. 

I do suggest throwing in ovulation tests, at the least; maybe BBTs too. It can confirm for you right away whether you’re wasting your time: maybe you’re not actually ovulating, despite your CM. It’s wise to keep up on your prenatals, but make sure he’s taking care of his diet, too. Though they were at-home tests (designed to compare the colors between the test sample and the control sample), my husband “failed” two at-home sperm count tests. In the 6 weeks before I ended up getting pregnant, I started sending him to work with tons of nutritious snacks and a multivitamin. It may have helped get his count up enough to get me pregnant.

There’s still more that you can do and you are at the beginning of the road — you are highly likely to get pregnant within the next 9 cycles. It is a very long time — I won’t bullshit you. Especially when you don’t *know* when you will get pregnant. It can be very scary. 

But…I’ve found that most of the folks who claim it “just happened” are actually the people who don’t use birth control — ever — but haven’t necessarily timed things for ovulation. To them, it does seem it “just” happens. In reality, they’ve been having unprotected sex and risking pregnancy for months. 

Post # 3
Member
1654 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

winerygirl:  Been there done that! It’s not fun and I’m sorry you are there.  I know for me it took us a LONG time (12months, 11 cycles-we took a month off) and for the first 7 months it was pure agony every month.  I got really depressed and was basically putting my life on hold, hoping that would make the tests positive.  Then December rolled around and I started feeling a bit better, I started working out and keeping myself busy and not focusing on “lets make a baby” (we still tried really hard though, ) but mentally I was in a much better place, January I felt even better and February rolled around and I was just looking forward to DH’s doctor’s appointments.  We were dealing with MFI (male factor infertility) and were basically waiting to see if we were going to have to do IUI or IVF.  And here I am almost 2 weeks before DH’s appointments and I’m pregnant!

It’s been a long road, and I hate to say it but it sucks in the beginning, but it will either get a little easier or you’ll get pregnant.  Try not to worry. But if you have reasons to suspect there may be an issue, I HIGHLY suggest looking into it around the 6 month mark.

Do you chart? Do you know if you are getting good timing?  If you are charting and don’t conceive within 6 months there may be an issue.  DH’s issue was improved just by lifestyle changes, so don’t worry if there is a problem!

Good luck!

Post # 4
Member
898 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

winerygirl:  For too many it seems, getting pregnant isn’t as simple as just doing the deed and voila. I’m sorry that you haven’t conceived yet. On the bright side, the average amount of time for a woman without infertillity is up to 6 months before a conception, so you still have some time before you’d have anything to worry about. Most docs won’t see you for it until you’ve been trying for 6 months if you’re over 30 and one whole year if you’re under 30. For me, it was a long, trying journey. After several years of infertility, a fallopian tube ruined from an ectopic, and one early miscarriage, I am carrying my rainbow baby, so good things DO happen to those who wait. I can’t even describe to you how wonderful it is, and even with the really really long wait, it feels like nothing now that I have her.  I wish you all the luck in the world, may you get your bfp really soon!

Post # 5
Member
191 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I could have written the same thread.  We started trying in December and we’re now on to cycle 4 🙁  and we’ve been using OPK’s.  I just picked up a thermometer to start temping.  I think we’re going to focus on being as healthy as possible, we have no reason to beleive there might be a problem.  And remaining positive!  Just wanted to pop in to let you know you’re not alone, our BFP’s will come when the time is right!

Post # 6
Member
537 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Spinwife @winerygirl: Just another voice of support. I’m headed into cycle 3 of trying, and feel ridiculously discouraged, even though, statistically, I have no reason to be. Just wanted to say that I feel for you, but let’s try to keep thinking positively. Head over to the March/April POAS thread if you’re not there already, the support really does help. Fingers crossed for you!

Post # 7
Member
154 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

winerygirl:  Unfortunately I feel like it ” Just happens” for some, then others like myself, need a bit more assistance. I can get pregnant easily however I have to do more to sustain and keep my pregnancies. I have two angel babies and one 2 year old and believe me it was a LONG road with losing both pregnancies in the second trimester.

I do understand your concern because and I suggest that you try and add OPK to your routine, that will help in knowing when you ovulate. Happy BD’ing and FX to a BFP very soon!

Post # 8
Member
2494 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

winerygirl:  I can’t really relate, but as PP have mentioned, you should try temping and OPKs. You can get cheapie OPKs that work just as great as the expensive ones. Or, if you’re really impatient like myself, get yourself a Clearblue Easy Fertility Monitor. I bought mine used because they’re pretty expensive new, but I did get pregnant the first cycle I used it. I had been temping and using OPKs prior to TTC though and I really liked the inside knowledge of what was going on with my cycle.

Post # 9
Member
3047 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

winerygirl:  Spinwife:  Hausfrau: 

Hugs to all three of you, I know exactly how it feels. Since November we’ve been at it with OPKs and BBT and still nothing. First month was fun and exciting, but ever since it has been incredibly discouraging and at this point I have a very hard time thinking that it will ever happen for us. I just can’t get rid of the feeling that it’s something wrong with me. So no word of encouragement really, but perhaps it helps a little to know that you’re not the only ones feeling sad and a little hopeless.

 

Once again, hugs and I cross my fingers that you’ll get your BFPs soon!

Post # 10
Hostess
10876 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

winerygirl: I had the same thoughts. I think it’s because it comes your focus, so when your efforts don’t result in a BFP it’s easy to feel that way. It’s hard to get the balance of science, but once you know what you’re doing is right, some of the science will go away and the emotion etc will come back. Best of luck in your TTC journey.

Post # 11
Member
956 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

winerygirl:  and all the other posters in the same boat – just commenting as someone else in the exact same position. On cycle 3, testing next week unless AF comes. I have already warned FI I am likely to have a minor meltdown if its the latter. We were supposed to be taking a ‘relaxed’ approach but that’s just not me, and I have found it so much harder and more frustrating than I thought. We’ll all get there though, I’m sure!

Post # 12
Member
952 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

 

winerygirl:  Spinwife:  Hausfrau:  eocenia:  whybee:  hi bees, in the exact same boat. In the TWW for cycle number 3. The first cycle was fun and exciting and while I am getting dissapointed, I have noticed that this cycle, i am obssessing a little less and also haven’t syptom spotted…… yet.

I feel like it is a double edged sword because before TTC i always just assumed that it would take a while, 6 months to a year. Then I got on the Bee and started using temping, OPK, vitamins, preseed etc and my expectations changed to wanting it to happen RIGHT NOW!!!!!!

There are 6 of us in the same boat so odds are it will happen to one or two os us fairly soon…. right, right?

Post # 14
Member
3047 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

nonapkns: Argh, the TWW is so hard! I’m just about to head into to mine and I feel really worried about it. My best friend and my SIL both announced their pregnancies last week, so I have a feeling that the symptom spotting will go crazy in the next little while. Crossing my fingers and holding my thumbs (what we do in Sweden for luck) that you’re right and the BFPs start to show up for us!

winerygirl: I charted from scratch and it’s really a double edged sword. Part of me is happy for it, if we eventually end up in a doctor’s office I have something that we can analyze from day one. At the same time, it makes things so much more mechanical. Can’t even say god morning to my husband before popping in that stupid thermometer… Some days I just want to say “to hell with it”, but my inner control freak always win. 🙂 If you start temping, there’s some great apps for keeping track – I use My Calendar.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by  .
Post # 15
Member
7664 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

I’ve also been trying since Jan. Had pregnancy symptoms right away, followed by a pretty unpleasant period, which I’m still not 100% sure wasn’t a super early miscarriage. Since then… nada.

You’re right… it can be tough not to get down about it. But you are not alone!

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