Post # 1
- Wedding: May 2018 - Our home and the two acres it sits on
I think they’ve just been adding up, the small thoughtless things, until they finally are just annoying me to death. I’ve gone, what, four months without a drink, real sushi, a normal sandwich, or a runny egg (that last one kills me). In those four months, my husband asked if I’d mind if he had a beer maybe twice, and has been drinkin as per normal, if not a bit more.
This morning was IT for me. We were making breakfast and he yelled into the kitchen that he wanted a runny egg. Ugg, it pissed me off. I’ve mentioned more than once that the fully-cooked-egg limitation is the toughest one for me, but (is this a man thing?) apparently it doesn’t pierce his thick noggin.
This after a week of non-stop whining about how allergies made him miserable (are you kidding me?), one day of weights made him sore, not being able to sleep (ahem, bc of the drinking) made him tired, and he just has too much to do!
I’m over it. And pissed. I don’t want to have to say to him, “If I can’t, you can’t.” Frankly, I wouldn’t even hold him to it, but the idea of sharing in some of the limitations and frustrations I’m stuck with would be nice. As would not being ignored when I feel like crap. Look, I’m tired of me feeling like crap, too, but if you hear me hurling, pretending it didn’t happen doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. It just means I’m now angry and miserable.
Post # 3
@cheese: BOO on men! I think it’s in their genetic makeup to Just. Not. Get. It.
Sometimes FI can be so insensitive and really doesn’t even know it. I’m amazed by what is (and mostly IS NOT) going through a guys head on a daily basis. When they say they’re not thinking about anything, odds are they really aren’t. When they say nothing is wrong, there usually is nothing wrong. And when they ask us that question when they sense “tension” and we reply with “I’m ‘fine'” They take us at face value sometimes.
Just tell him how you’re feeling. (trying to do it calmly, please no “off with his head” citations..lol)
And P.S. I’m sorry 🙁
Post # 4
Sometimes men don’t think. My husband complained to me about being tired the morning I had to go in for a breast biopsy. He was glad that I didn’t go into labor one day because he had a headache. I haven’t killed him yet, though. And your last bit reminded me of a Family Guy episode that was on last night where Peter was complaining about how hard pregnancy was on him. Lois is throwing up in the background and Peter had to turn up the volume to the TV while lying in bed…
Post # 5
My partner read Girlfriend’s Guide to Pregnancy and he never complained again (not even once) since then. He thought I was just kvetching for no good reason until he read that and finally realized that I had been posessed by an alien. He did all the cooking, dog feeding, and trash taking out without one word too…
Post # 6
Oh men…Sometimes I think you just need to spell it out for them. Maybe try something like “I’m really not feeling well, would you mind x,y,z- it would be a big help”. Or “It really sucks that I can’t have runny eggs, maybe you can comiserate with me”. (Btw, I would not make him runny eggs- if I’m making eggs for both of us, then they’re being cooked in the same pan, and if he doesn’t like it my way he can make his own, just sayin’). Hope that helps!
Post # 7
He probably just doesnt realize it. DH is really dense about things sometimes. Like the PPs, I think its in their genetic makeup. lol.I wouldn’t be too hard on him.
I agree that maybe you should have a calm discussion with him about it. Tell him that these limits you have because of the pregnancy are really tough on you and him doing these things in front of you is really making it harder.
Post # 8
Objectively speaking, DH has been pretty awesome throughout this pregnancy, but when it comes to little things that annoy me, I’ve really been trying to work on telling him (/warning him) when it happens, because if I don’t say anything and just quietly fume for a while eventually it comes out and that is NOT pretty. So now I really try to say “hey, I know it’s irrational but I feel awful today and I really don’t want you to go out tonight while I sit here feeling yucky” or “if you order runny eggs at brunch this morning it will make me sad because I can’t have them.” He’s pretty happy to follow direct instructions, and while I wish he’d just know what not to do, that has yet to happen so I’ve decided to suck it up and go with the tactic of “unless you want to make me all passive aggressive and unhappy, please do the following…”
I’ve also made him read all kinds of stuff and talked to him a LOT about how hard pregnancy is. I don’t think he got it at first, but over time it’s been sinking in and he’s gotten more appreciative of what I’m dealing with and giving up for this baby.
Post # 9
@Mrs. DG: LOL, “possessed by an alien”…love it!
@cheese: Ugh! That sucks! : ( I hear you on the runny egg thing…I HATE fully-cooked eggs! I’d tell him that he gets what you cook him, and if his egg is too cooked, he can cook his own runny egg! (Also, get him to read the pregnancy book DG mentioned.)
Post # 10
I am going out on a limb here but sometimes things are relative. Just because we are uncomfortable & tired on a daily basis doesnt mean our men can’t ever be tired or have headaches or can’t feel good. Me being pregnant doesn’t mean when my husband gets a headache it doesn’t hurt. Now….if they are not doing a damn thing & laying around all the time expecting you to do everything…now we have a problem! ha! I do think that guys don’t think like us. They aren’t going to change their habits b/c we have to change ours without us bringing it to their attention.
Hang in there & try telling your hubbie what you need & want from him & see if that helps 🙂
Post # 11
Cheese, I forgot to mention that one of the girls in one of my Bradley method classes has the same love of runny eggs. She was able to find one brand of pasteurized eggs in the grocery store that she was able to eat less than fully-cooked.
Post # 12
“Kick his ass Sea Bass!” 🙂
Seriously though, guys sometimes need to be told straight up what we need from them (sensitivity, hugs, space). If anything it’ll make you feel better to air your frustrations and perhaps give him a bit of a wake up call.
Tell him how irritated you are and that it’s not that you don’t WANT him to eat certain things or do certain things but you feel sad that you can’t, so when he brings them up it just makes you feel worse. You’re not trying to limit him but he needs to be more sensitive that you can’t do everything you want now.