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ugh! I know what you mean..the other day my dad said, "your uncle has been telling people that he never even got invited to the wedding!' and my response was "um, no one has gotten officially invited yet!!" The invitations haven't gone out, so how can someone already be complaining about being slighted!!
I've also had the awkward experience of someone saying "I'm looking forward to partying it up on the big day!!" when in fact they aren't on the guest list...people need to stop assuming things! Everyone always makes a big deal about us brides following etiquitte, well where are the handbooks for guests...why do all the rules only apply to us?? aghhhh!!
woah...where'd that come from?? lol...sorry...your post obviously hit a nerve...good luck with everything! :o)
I'm just going to have my FMIL handle it for people on his side. We also decided that IF there is room (and we won't know until a couple weeks before) the few 18+ year old cousins can come but we can't guarantee anything. Would you go about it that way or just say no to begin with and leave it at that? I feel terribe but our guest list is already at 210 with 25 on a B list. Our Venue only seats 180.
i hate the "i better be invited to the wedding!!" comments..
this happened to us this past weekend at FI's dad's family party... I don't know many of them (his dad passed away when he was young) but obviously his immediate aunts/uncles and cousins he is close with are invited. His aunt's second husband's daughter (i had no idea who she was) pulled this... FI an i just stood there not knowing what to say.. finally he's just like "eh, um, you see.. we are paying ourselves..." she didnt talk to us the rest of the night!
That is the reason I am not going to our family reunion July 31... My parents are disappointed I'm not going but I told them I couldn't deal with it, and I also requested that NOBODY (parents, sisters, etc) talk about the wedding b/c not eveyrone is invited.
Gah! This is something I'm a bit worried about, but hasn't happened too much yet. I had one aunt that just told me that her friend was coming. Okay, fine. I like her friend very much. And I got this from a friend of mine, and oddly enough it turned out to be pretty postitive. He was like "soooo I haven't gotten an invite to the wedding yet", and I'd been so stressed out about the guest list (still kind of am) mostly because of family politics - I'm sure you all know the kind. Well, this same friend who I would LIKE to have on the guest list but wasn't because of said family politics THEN said "it's okay. You don't have to invite me if you need to invite more family. Don't worry!" And I suddenly thought to myself, this is someone that I really want there. So I went home, ditched some obscure family members I don't talk to anymore and put my friend on the guest list.
I invited every single one of my friends I wanted there Vs. family I haven't spoken to in 2+ years and my parents agreed with me. These are family members that don't go to Christmas gatherings, family reunions. (here I am calling the kettle black b/c I'm not going to the family reunion next month, lol) I guess I was being naive when I thought this wouldn't happen to us!
We've announced form the beginning that we were having an adult only reception. Some of my family asked what the cut off age was and we decided that it should be 21 because we are having an open bar and didn't want to deal with the "who is or isn't drinking"...the only younger guests will be our siblings' children of which the youngests are 9 & 10yrs old. Try to be as clear as possible from the beginning so that people won't start passing on incorrect info. If you let "Sally" bring her teens because you know them "Debbie" might think its okay to bring hers...know what I mean? All in all i think we have to realize that someone is either not going to get it, not care what your rules are, or be angry that those rules are in place...Let it go...have a good time & don't worry about who was mad or offended...their bad attitude about your wedding should only ruin their good time, NOT YOURS!
good luck!
Good job MissHelen!!
In regards to family, here is the strategy I used: If I hadn't seen or talked to them in the last 6mos-1yr then obviously they weren't a really part of my life so they were off the list. Will I catch flack for that, YES..is it going to bother me...not so much!
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I've gotten two calls/emails in the last few days from people with either rude questions or assuming they are invited to the wedding, how have you ladies handled this? We are not inviting any second cousins or anyone under the age of 21.
First call two nights ago from one of the groomsmen: "Can I invite my wifes cousins (who we don't know) since they live where the wedding will be held?" Seriously? I already told him no, he should know better!
Email just now from Fiance's cousin that just graduated Highschool and is 17 years old: "Thank you for the gift of money, it will help with college expenses tremendously. I look forward to meeting you at the wedding!