(Closed) Argh! Some advise please..

posted 5 years ago in Destination Weddings
Post # 3
Member
207 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Hello,

I’m a fellow Destination Bee as well 🙂

When planning a destination wedding, you have to be ready for people to drop out. As sad as it may be, but people get pregnant and cannot travel. Finances fall through. Lots of things can change. As long as the two of you are there that is the main thing.

Now onto your FMIL. If she has invited these friends of her, let them have the holiday together, just don’t invite them to the wedding. It will only be one day and the rest of the time they can have their holiday together. Just say to her you don’t know them and it’s not in your budget to pay for 8 extra people. If she offers to pay for them then just go with it… don’t let it ruin your day, they will be the ones feeling silly attending your wedding anyway.

If literally everyone is pulling out, is it too late to cancel the whole thing and elope?

There are lots of different ways you can tackle this and every bee would do it differently depending on personal situations so it’s up to you. Try not to get stressed.

My FMIL mentioned that she had been speaking to one of my fiance’s aunties and had told her to save the date and start saving for a trip to Thailand. I said straight up to her that we had done our guest list and that particular aunty was not on it so please stop mentioning it to people as we are keeping it small. She now thinks I’m Bridezilla but who cares, it’s our wedding and we will invite who we want!

Post # 5
Member
1839 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@kiki_w:  i will admit that i didnt’ read the whole thing.. it stinks that people are changing their minds about going, but just b/c they have holiday time/go on international trips a lot doesn’t mean they want to use it for your wedding…..it also doesn’t mean that they have the money to go to hawaii.

eta: i do think it was rude for them to invite people you don’t know w/o asking first.

Post # 6
Member
369 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@kiki_w:  I had the same issue but with my own mother. I had to really “give her the business” about how it’s our day, etc. I felt a little bad afterward but I really needed her to understand why it was not OK, otherwise it would keep happening. And really, since it’s your FMIL, your FI should really take the lead on this, not you. FI’s dad is having a friend couple meet them in Hawaii but he was respectful of not asking him to the wedding (or even asking us if he could). This is great for us bc it means we don’t have to feel like we have to entertain his dad/family bc they’ll have friends with them. Same sitch with my parents; we’ll be busy enough and I’m glad they’ll be occupied.

About friends… before this whole thing started, I told myself that I cannot control what other people do. For instance, we have a friend couple who will not be attending any of our 3 celebrations even though we attended their DW. We figured the reason is distance as they live on the East Coast. However, we recently received an email (along with our “inner circle” of friends) about them planning a trip to the west coast of Mexico (where they are now). It hurt my feelings but I don’t care about them any less. People make their choices for various reasons and it’s not my place to judge. I can only focus on the people who WILL be there… although that remains to be seen as we are sending out our invites next week! They have until May 1st to decide and the wedding is September.

Try to focus on the positives, marrying the love of your life and in such a beautiful setting! If you are intent on canceling, try to see from a different perspective before formally deciding. Wedding planning can be so emotional if we let ourselves fall into what isn’t going right instead of seeing what really is. 

Good luck and keep us updated!

Post # 7
Member
1157 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@JMPacker:  I am sorry this is turning out to be so difficult for you.

 

I can relate.  My fiance keeps trying to change the guest list.  We have a total of 10 in invited guests.  All of them family.  He tryed to change it a couple of weeks ago and invite two more people.  I told him NO.  We have spent months trying to find a location where 1) everyone could stay at the same place.  And 2) we could also hold the ceremony and dinner afterwards.  And 3) a place that was both spacious, and has breathtaking views.

 

The only thing that has worked in our favor is the locatiion.  It is the half way point for ALL invited.  The longest amount of travel will be 4 hours by car, for my family.  His family is an hour closer.  I can see why this is so frustrating for you.  Having people coming from different parts of the world, and I don’t even know what to suggest to simplify that part of the equation for you.  If everyone keep trying to change your plans, elopement may be the answer.  This is also something I have give a lot of serious consideration in myself.

 

I agree with PP don’t invite the inlaws friends to the wedding.  This is YOUR wedding!!  If they want to invite people on “holiday”, then it would be okay in my mind to not include them in wedding plans.

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