(Closed) Arguing…..

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
684 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@VickyAurea:  I understand where your SO is coming from but it’s not realistic to think that you won’t have ANY arguments or disagreements, before or after he proposes and when you are married.  I have arguments with my boyfriend as well, not always about proposal stuff, but it’s natural! 😉 you’re not alone! 

I understand how he’s tired of arguing about a proposal (my boyfriend has told me it’s exhausting, and I’m working on keeping my mouth shut!) but if he thinks that ALL arguing can just stop all together on EVERY issue that’s not always feasible.  You are two different people and will have two different opinions on a lot of things.

I suggest trying to drop the wedding talk for a while… 🙂  Maybe just waiting until he brings it up.  lol, We should do a “who can keep your mouth shut about proposals the longest” challenge.  I think it would help out our prospective fiances a LOT.

Post # 4
Member
6998 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

I think communication is huge! and marriage should be easy and rosey  – its also work but day to day should be a breeze. you are going to have arugements, thats inevitable but i think what really matters is the content of your arugements..its it just little annoyances like not picking up after themselves or is it something bigger like trust and communication issues? my husband and i have our disagreements but we chose to marry each other because we have the same wants in life and the same beleifs on how a marriage/family should be.

i know this has got to be really tough when you are craving engagement and he just isnt quite there yet but i suggest just laying low, enjoy each others company, dream of the future and continue waiting patiently (i know easier said than done) but try not to put too much pressure on it and enjoy the time you get to spend together – guys sometimes need a little space and time to figure out what they want, its not a decision to be made lightly but my husband told me when he finally decided to propose there was no going back he was ready and wanted to do it as soon as possible. so there is hope!

Good Luck!

Post # 5
Member
9825 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Why aren’t you working on what’s causing the arguments instead of trying to not argue just to be engaged? Doesn’t that seem kind of counter productive? Wouldn’t you like to carry over what you’ve learned about communicating so that you have a happy marriage? Problems don’t vanish once the ring is on.

Post # 9
Member
9825 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@VickyAurea: No I didn’t skim, I just am not a fan of having waiting conditions if they are causing your loved one to be upset, and have always said that. To me, that’s somewhat of a red flag that should be worked on as far as overall communication goes. Is that more clear?

Post # 11
Member
684 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@VickyAurea:  I understand… but you did say it was because of the “waiting” that is causing arguments.  I just figured it was because you were talking about proposals and maybe that is why it’s causing a strain on your relationship.  My apologies if that’s not what you meant.

If it’s just from the frustration and feeling that your life isn’t where it needs to be, no certain future, no job, no home… then those are things that need to be worked on for yourself.  You cannot be in a commited relationship and expect it to go well when you are not at least trying to improve yourself.

Post # 12
Member
9825 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@VickyAurea: What’s causing the arguments, in my opinion, is not all about the fact that you guys haven’t gotten engaged yet. It’s that you’re upset because he’s not doing something that is important to you and he’s saying “And it won’t be done until there are no arguments.”

When I see posts like this it makes me sad, because if you want to marry the person, why are you holding it over their head when it’s clearly causing them pain. And if this is happening now, what comes later on in the marriage when it’s a different subject?

That’s all I was trying to say, if you don’t find it helpful you can ignore me 🙂

Post # 13
Member
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@KatyElle: This…

OP, IMO you really need to step back -out of your own shoes- and look at the situation from a distance.  You need to slowly read what KatyElle said.  She is not saying this stuff to be negative, so please don’t take offense.  It is sometimes good to hear outsiders opinions on things, especially if there is experience in it.  Woman need to be very careful with the “waiting”.  It can cause many problems in relationships.  I really recommend open communication with your FI, BUT I recommend you also lean on a friend/family member to help with your feelings as well, so you don’t cause more pain/pressure/stress on the relationship.

Post # 16
Member
3943 posts
Honey bee

@VickyAurea: I skimmed through a couple of your older posts, and just 2 months ago you wrote that he was waiting until you guys are more financially stable before you get engaged. So is it the arguing or the financial reasons that are holding him back? both are valid reasons and things you guys should both be working on.

And for what its worth, I was a waiting girl for a while. I definetly had days that waiting was super hard, but it never really caused arguments (except once, when I watched say yes to the dress for 4 hours straight…oops!). What exactly are you guys arguing about?

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