Post # 1
So, we went out for dinner tonight with another couple. SO had too much to drink, and started in on how when we get married, the guest list will be at least 400. How he has so many friends and business people. And how its a great way to make business contacts, and set things up to make lots of money through work. Ummm pardon me?! And we discussed it on the way home. He was dead serious!!!! I told him I refuse to have a wedding that is a three ring circus. How a wedding is about us celebratibg our MARRIAGE, not to show off your popularity! Or even worse, a place to make business contacts! He then ranted that he’s given me everything I’ve ever wanted (I’m not the type to ‘ask’ for things) So, now I fume in silence! Am I out of line for thinking this is ludacris?! I mean seriously!! Its a wedding!!!! Not a business meeting!
Post # 3
My FSIL got engaged, ran for Judge, invited everyone & their mother to the wedding… and got elected. She’s had this cushy job for the last 8 years & she’ll probably have it for the next 20.
If you can afford it, why not? Especially if it will help your future! 🙂
Post # 4
I feel the same way as you do, If we invited EVERYONE we knew to our wedding it would be a circus. I think I have even said those words. We are having 100 ppl and I am totally happy with that number. I want people there to share this special moment with us with people who are important to us, and I dont think there is anything wrong with that. Thats the way we want it and thats what we feel comfortable paying for, so thats how its going to be. FI and I are paying for a lot of the wedding ourselves. Just be true to how you want it to be on YOUR day and dont let people push you around. It can be done! good luck
Post # 5
I think you guys should probably revisit this topic when he’s not drinking and you’re not upset. Depending on his line of business, I can definitely see that aspect of it – in fact, where I live, weddings are VERY much about making an impression and building relationship with people like clients and business partners. I’m not sure what your culture is, but the current American wedding trend that says the wedding day is all about making the bride feel like a pretty, pretty princess isn’t the only way to do it. 🙂
If it’s something that’s important to your FI, I would think you’d want to at least understand his perspective, if not compromise/agree with him! Afterall, isn’t that what relationships are all about?
Post # 6
I don’t think it’s so bad. The meaningful parts, like your vows, are still there. and you will still be happily married in the end. I remember reading about how John F. Kennedy’s wedding had like 1500 guests invited by his father and he made lots of business connections that ended up being what allowed him to get elected. When else will there be an event to which you can invite a lot of important people, focused solely on your FI (and you of course), so that all those important people will meet him and talk with him? I can understand why he wants to exploit a wedding’s networking potential. I can also understand why you have a knee-jerk negative reaction to this, but what concretely do you think will happen at your wedding that will make it less special? I agree with RecessionistaBride–this is potentially really great for your future! Unless you were committed to having an extremely small, intimate event, I don’t think you should view this as a bad thing.
Post # 7
Isn’t a wedding for a bride and groom to enjoy being a newly married couple? I don’t want to spend the night watching my new husband shmzoosing potential business clients. He’s a realtor, not running for office!
Post # 8
I’m very practical when it comes to business matters. I remove emotion, to a fault at times. So I’m sorry if my response was cold!
Its just, if my FI wanted to do something like this– I’d roll with it. My FI wanted a teeny tiny wedding & we’re having one. Is it my dream? Nuh uh… I’d invited a couple hundred if I had my way (including business contacts). However, he really wanted an intimate ceremony & dinner… its all he asked. How could I not comply?!
Having a ton of business contacts at the reception won’t take away from the fact that you are married & the day is still about your union! I don’t think he’ll be schmoozing that much… it’s not like you’re going to be sitting in the corner by yourself! 🙂
Regardless of who shows, this is still your day as a couple!
Post # 9
Yeah, I spose your right Recessionista! Perhaps SO needs a filter between brain and mouth, so things sound better when they come out. I guess a big concern too was budget. Apparently he’s been stashing money away for a ginormous reception. Thanks for your response! In no way did I think it was ‘cold’! Its apprecitated. I guess I just had to look at it from a different side. Time to go appologize! Man, I hate eating crow!
Post # 11
A lot of people may argue with me on this but I truly believe that a person’s real personality comes out when they’re drinking. I think you need to have a heart to heart with him when he’s sober, but be aware that these thoughts might still be in there since he didn’t feel he could bring it up prior to having a drink or two. liquid courage.
Post # 12
I would be outraged if my FI said that to me! A wedding is no place to be making business deals, save that for after the honeymoon. The last thing on his mind on the wedding day should be business deals. His attention should be on you and your new marriage. In my humble opinion, you have every right to be upset. Good luck!
Post # 13
I’d be upset too! I’d be mad that he’s thinking of talking to these people about business, after y’all have gotten married and are enjoying yourselves!
Talk to him again when he’s sober and see what he says. Hope it works out!
Post # 14
Talk to him when he’s sober!
also, i’d be super annoyed at this ‘alter ego’ that comes out when he drinks. he doesn’t sound like much fun, haha.
Although i have friends and coworkers whose PARENTS threw big wedding bashes (500+ ppl) because of their business connections. It starts to make since if you get all kinds of high up and hob-knobbing shoulders with some important folks.
Post # 15
I can understand your SO’s point of view. I work in a rather small industry were everyone seems to know everyone else. I am inviting several individuals (not hundreds, but a handful) of people to our 100-120 person wedding that I know who are more “business contacts.” These are people who I have worked with at various points in my career who I do keep in touch with (somewhat). If your SO invites some business contacts, I would REALLY doubt that they would actually discuss any business at the wedding. It’s more of a time for people to say “Hi. Congrats on the marriage. Everything looks so nice!” and move on.
During my engagement (and this has been my experience), I have found that the wedding ceremony is for us, but the reception is for our family and friends. We are making decisions to make them comfortable and hopefully happy during the reception. My FI and I will have the honeymoon and time to follow to be the newly married couple. During the reception, we are going to be busy basically hosting a party, not necessarily enjoying being a newly married couple.