(Closed) Argument with FI about my Dad

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2450 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

well, what the eff are his parents doing?

if FI is having that kind of attitude, they better be doing something amazing… like using their connection with the Pope and getting him to perform the ceremony himself.

Post # 5
Member
3314 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Ouch… That sounds like a red flag to me.  That he can’t see that your parents are helping (and they don’t have to) and obviously contributing more financially to the wedding then his (this honestly shouldn’t even have to be pointed out) AND that he makes it all into a competition, just doesn’t bode well…  Not to say that it can’t be fixed, but I think it’s something you need to deal with before you get married.  I can see huge potential problems in your marriage if you don’t.

He’s being very very unrealistic (and mean) about your parents and that’s not right.

Post # 6
Member
2299 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

@rosworms:  “well, what the eff are his parents doing?

if FI is having that kind of attitude, they better be doing something amazing… like using their connection with the Pope and getting him to perform the ceremony himself.”


This!

Post # 7
Member
305 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I know that this term is overused on these forums, but honey, to me this would be one massive bright-red flag.  That kind of self-entitled immaturity does not speak of a man about to get married.  Frankly, most of us would kill to have our weddings mostly subsidized by generous, loving parents, and have the assistance stop there so that we have freedom to make choices as to our own big day.

Weddings mark a new life of a couple – an independent new life at that – why in the world do your parents need to both foot the bill and take care of all the decisions with that funding?  How would that be an accurate reflection of you as a couple?

If my fiance ever condescended to hurt me over my father who sounds equally as supportive as yours, it would take a whole hell of a lot to get me to see him as anything but an immature, entitled ayhole.  Don’t spend one second running interference here.  Get tough and let your Fi know that speaking about loved ones in such a manner is not tolerated. Ever.

Post # 9
Member
4194 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

Whoa-Not cool.

My Mom’s really not into wedding planning, so I’ve been doing most of it on my own. FMIL is jumping at the bit to help, but it would be too much/a little overbearing. FI could easily say to me “your Mom has done…”, but that’s unacceptable. Your parents aren’t required to do anything for your wedding, and normally the Dad’s involvement is minimal (All I’m asking my Dad to do is check that his tux still fits, and practice our song beforehand)

I can see how you feel like you’ve been slapped- I would, too. I agree with dodgercpkl that this anger he has towards your family needs to be addressed before the wedding.

Post # 11
Member
3314 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Let him know that his comments about your dad/parents are driving a wedge into your relationship and that you would like to go to counseling to get this resolved.  I would NOT get married to someone who acts like this to me…  

I’m really sorry you are dealing with this.  *hugs*

Post # 12
Member
1200 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

OMG huuuuge red flag. That is NOT ok. yes it is kind of your job to defend your parents.. especially since it sounds like they are going above and beyond. Because really? What the eff is your dad doing? He doesn’t HAVE to do ANYTHING it isn’t his wedding and this isn’t the 1800s where the father of the bride offers a dowry!

 

i’m sorry but that was a jerk thing to say and that side of him would scare me re: future arguments/respect issues

Post # 14
Member
2462 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

he doesn’t need to be bff with your parents to be respectful–there’s a difference between not liking someone and being totally disrespectful, and it doesn’t seem like your fi is mature enough to get that. for example, my sil drives both me and dh crazy, but i’ve never crossed that line, and i totally acknowledge when she does something really nice for either of us, and i go out of my way to be kind to her. i agree with the other posters that he’s sounding like an entitled brat

Post # 15
Member
5096 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Wow. Where to start? 

If he’d come to you and said something like, “Your father doesn’t seem to care about our wedding, and that is making me feel bad,” we’d have a place to begin. You could ask why he feels that way, try to figure out what unstated expectations he had for what your father would do, talk about what your parents HAVE done, and try to understand where he’s coming from.

But he didn’t do that. What he said just shows a crazy amount of entitlement, hostility toward your dad (has your dad ever done anything to make him feel that way?) and general immaturity.

When he said “that is what I think,” did you ask him to explain?

Post # 16
Member
1200 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@minimoo:  you absolutely shouldn’t be… if my husband put me in that position he simply wouldn’t be my husband. you really do need to have a serious talk with him. Your parents sounds sweet and don’t deserve that… think of how much it would hurt them to know this. and you don’t deserve it either! You sound like you’re very grateful and appreciative of them.. he sounds like an ass. I’m sorry and I know you don’t want to hear it but I kind of want to kick your fiance right now. I’m WAY protective with my family so this struck a nerve with me.

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