Argument with FI… Who is "right"?

posted 3 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 3
Member
1403 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@hollyberry4:  Everyone’s job and boss is different – if the guy feels like it would be awkward to ask his boss for even more time off…then you have to trust him on that.

Now I feel bad for him due to the fact that your FI texted him that.  If he’s not comfy talking with his boss it’s probably for good reason.  I’d let it go and tell the guy he doesn’t have to come. 

Post # 4
Member
3756 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

He’s in a new job, he’s trying to find his way and not make waves. He’s already asked for the time off for the wedding even though it’s a big event weekend. He just doesn’t want to ask again. I get that. Are you really that worried about the rehearsal? The guys task is not that difficult and he’ll just be following along with the others. I think you’re making too much of a thing out of it. 

ETA: Guys just don’t think about this stuff like girls do. He’s focusing on his new job, not thinking about your rehearsal dinner. (re: why didn’t he think about this earlier)

Post # 5
Member
855 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

@hollyberry4:  Tell him who he is walking down the aisle with and then tell him to walk and let him know the morning of who to stand next to.

I don’t see the problem. You’re making something out of absolutely NOTHING. Wedding rehearsals are much more socializing and talking than actual rehearsing and IIRC, our rehearsal lasted all of 30 minutes. Get in, give some instruction and get out. Tell him you’ll see him the morning of and PLEASE don’t give him hell about not coming to the rehearsal dinner. It’s just food.

Post # 6
Member
5932 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@hollyberry4:  Its fine, let him sulk, but just remember, being in a wedding is not rocket science, and I think most people know how to get down an aisle without being told…so maybe being so insistent wasn’t exactly necessary…either way.

If he’s new at his job and requested the time off for your wedding late, he probably wasn’t going to push it and ask for the event off too because it makes you look bad, thats on him, for waiting so long but apprehension about taking too much too early at a new job is understandable.

 

Post # 7
Member
2395 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I don’t think it’s a big deal that he can’t come to the rehearsal.  Especially since it’s a new job, it sounds like he probably shouldn’t miss the work event.  I think people make too big a deal about all the events that surround a wedding.  I mean, obviously it would be nice if he could be at the rehearsal, but he doesn’t NEED to be there.  I didn’t even have a rehearsal – I didn’t need one more thing to tie up people’s time, and I figured they could all get themselves from the back of the church to the front in one piece (and they did!).  

So yeah, I think you should let this one go and not pressure him to do something that could negatively affect him at his job.  

Post # 8
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@hollyberry4:  In this case, I think your FI is right. Someone’s career is a lot more important to them than your wedding is. Even if he had requested time off sooner, the work event is still happening and he needs to be there (it’s a bad political/career move not to be).

All he is doing is walking down an aisle. I don’t think he needs to practice that. He won’t be speaking or playing a critical part in the wedding – he’s just walking. I wouldn’t get fussed about something like this and I’d tell him to put work first.

Post # 9
Member
855 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

duplicate

Post # 10
Member
2642 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Well, given that the GM just started a new job, I can understand why he’d hesitate to ask for more time off, especially if it would mean missing a big work event.  It can be considered poor form to request time off when you first start working and no one wants to make a bad first impression. 

 

I’d say, if he can make it great!  But if he can’t, it’s no big deal.  Walking down aisle isn’t exactly rocket science and I’m sure someone can fill him in on what to do and where to go.

 

It sounds like your FI was just trying not to stress his friend out and felt as though you were pushing.  Or maybe it was the way you said something that really set him off.  I’d apologize to FI and say that you didn’t mean to stress his friend out.  Of course it’s better for his GM to be there, but work is more important and you understand that so if GM can’t make it, it is really ok.”

 

Post # 11
Member
10219 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

(( HUGS ))  I feel for you.  The situation you described sucks.

Honestly, there is no right and wrong here… because all the parties involved IMO dropped the ball.

The Groomsman because he wasn’t “with it” enough to keep on top of his social calendar.

You AND Your Groom because you didn’t work out UP FRONT with your Attendants what was expected of them BEFORE they made the commitment to be in the Bridal Party.  Including the Dates (long in advance)

I cannot stress this enough on WBee… it does seem to be one of the areas that causes issues… B&Gs who don’t do their research / homework on the Etiquette elements and then pass that info along & their expectations to all members of the Wedding on how they envision things coming together

(Be that the Bridal Party, Moms & Dads, etc)

At this point there isn’t much you can do.  I get that you are feeling bad.

You have sadly been put in the “bad guy” role of being seen as the Rule Maker / Enforcer.  Which isn’t what you deserve.

Sooo much easier to frame the Bride as a Bridezilla than someone else suck up the responsibility for things gone off the rails.

Unfortunately your Fiance has decided to hang it on you… altho in my mind the majority  fault really is his (maybe yours somewhat, but in a round-about way IF you didn’t go over the Roles & Responsibilities of the Bridal Party / Groomsmen with him your Husband-2B well in advance too)

But that said, Weddings aren’t something we do / plan every day, so naturally not all the Players know all the Rules / Expectations.  Which is why it is so important to read thru the Rule Book BEFORE you begin the game (Etiquette required in Planning a Wedding)

MY BEST ADVICE for this moment in time…

Make a vow today to start communicating the timeline / vision of your Wedding better with all the key players.  Then issues like this will not come up.

(( HUGS ))

On the positive side…

The Rehearsal doesn’t usually reveal a lot except when people walk in (Processional) where they stand, and how they exit (Recessional)

Honestly, I think Rehearsals are the norm because they serve to destress Brides & Parents… more than anything else.

I’ve been to / in Weddings where there was no Rehearsal, and things still worked out fine

Just be sure and brief the Groomsman in Question well the day of the Wedding, and things will work out fine

 

Post # 12
Member
399 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I don’t think a rehearsal dinner is a big deal, he’ll be able to walk you down the aisle without practising, also sounds like you and your FI are both stressed out and made it into a bigger argument than warranted, I’d just go in and apologise and tell him you over-reacted and move on. 

Post # 13
Member
785 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

I think you’re right. You asked him to do his best to be there, that’s all you can do. I would be annoyed if my FI decided to change plans and say nah you don’t have to be there. 

Post # 14
Member
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

Meh, I’d let it go. The poor guy has a new job, doesn’t want to make waves, and probably had a hard enough time getting the wedding day off without having to ask for the rehearsal off too. I’m sure he knows how to walk down the aisle, and it won’t be that big of a deal if his BM partner is there.

Post # 15
Member
9949 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

He’s an adult, right?  He doesn’t need to rehearse walking down the aisle.  If he can’t be there, he can’t be there.  I think you should apologize to your fiance for biting his head off, and then text the friend yourself and say something like, “Sorry Tim, I am freaking out about all the details!  If you can’t make the rehearsal, it’s fine.”

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