Argument with my fiancé :(

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1987 posts
Buzzing bee

@Princesslaylaxo:  Wow–he really overreacted! Is there something else going on he might be stressed about? You said this is happening more and more. Maybe gently broach the subject that you’ve been noticing this and is he stressed about something. 

Post # 4
Member
2687 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Ketchum, ID

@Princesslaylaxo:  It sounds like it’s his time of the month. JK, but seriously, he overreacted, and then acted like a child about it. My 3 year old cousin is more mature than that. 

Post # 5
Member
11300 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

WTF? He needs to calm the fuck down.

Post # 6
Member
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Princesslaylaxo:  I can see why it might annoy him especially if you do things like that all the time – they’re kind of patronizing in a way. But he did way overreact. If he was in someone’s way she can be a big girl and ask him to please move.  Someone can be looking in the same shelf as I am at the store but I’m not moving unless they ask.

 

Post # 7
Member
2355 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Princesslaylaxo:  Honestly? You need to let this go. He just got a little pissy. You should have let him sulk and not worried about it. I get that the tone of his voice was hurtful, but we all get attitudes from time to time. Maybe he was having a bad day. Maybe work has been rough.

As for his side of things, maybe I am sympathetic because SO does this to me a lot. He’ll gently grab my waist and move me aside because I am unknowingly in someone else’s way. It does aggravate me. I figure if I have been trying to find something on the shelf for just a few seconds, and I always wait for those who do the same, then I should get to find my item before moving. I just let it go when he does it, though.

ETA: I don’t mean to invalidate you. I don’t like it when SO is being grumpy. It sucks. It’s just not worth ruining the rest of your day over. I am a big believer in picking your battles.

Post # 8
Member
3598 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

He totally overreacted and was rude to you and that poor lady.

Post # 9
Member
1500 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

wow, he acted super rude to that lady and to you. Maybe he’s stressed about his job or something else and he’s taking it out on you?

Post # 11
Member
2355 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Princesslaylaxo:  My SO stresses as well. It’s just something I have learned to understand. I realize when he is in a bad mood that it generally has nothing to do with me. I’ve learned how to deal with him when he’s being moody. I had the eggshell feeling, too. I don’t feel that way anymore as time has gone on and we have learned more about each other. I think it is worth asking if anything in particular is on his mind, but be prepared for him to stay silent. Feel free to tell him that it hurts your feelings when he snaps at you or speaks to you in that tone, but do it when he is calm and relaxed. Guys like to retreat; women like to talk.

 

Post # 12
Member
125 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Princesslaylaxo:  wow, big time over reaction. Nothing wrong with letting him know she was looking too, he might not have seen her, how aryou s supposed to know. Maybe you should talk with him(if you can) and find out if there is an underlying issue which is making him continue to do this…I can totally relate to how you feel. Good luck.

Post # 13
Member
6200 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

@Princesslaylaxo:  If you feel like you’re at the end of your rope with his reactions, you guys need to have a talk about it when things are going well. If you decide that you can’t live the rest of your life dealing with it, he needs to know that.

Post # 14
Member
2189 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

Wow, he’s being a jerk about it.

I flat out tell my FI to Move your butt, or Hun.. and move him a little if he’s in the way.

You guys should have a sit down talk about his tantrums.

Post # 15
Member
2823 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

He definitely overreacted, you guys should sit down and talk about it, maybe there is something going on and he didn’t mean to snap.

Post # 16
Member
6812 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

OMG I’M YOUR SO! And you’re my FI!

Seriously, I’m like completely oblivious when I walk and do things and I’m constantly in people’s way and bumping into people and not moving over for people. Maybe it’s the NYer in me who learned to walk without looking and just keep going or whatever, but the Southerner in him goes nuts when it happens (well, not really nuts). He will constantly say things to me like, “Move out of this lady’s way” or “What your back, you almost walked into him” or whatever and it’s gotten to the point where when he says it, he’s really annoyed. I got really pissed off and said it was REALLY embarrassing that he does it in front of other people and he should just wait until they’re out of earshot to say something to me so I can try to be more aware. But, it was a constant argument and we both got really upset about it for a long time.

So, I don’t necessarily think he overreacted – I think he doesn’t know how to express himself and maybe you’ve done this before and you haven’t realized and he hasn’t said anything? Maybe it was just the straw that broke the camel’s back, but that’s that.

Also, my FI 95% of the time will not apologize until I either ask for it or wait long enough for him to cool off, but I’m usually too impatient for that and I will demand an apology (which actually, for some reason, cools him off right away). I just think it’s a prideful thing and if he’s sincere when he ultimately apologizes, even if you have to ask him to do it, I would just suggest asking him to apologize or waiting until he cools off and does it himself. Guys usually need some time to cool off before they can think rationally whereas girls usually want to take care of the fight in the moment and move on, so I feel like girls wuold be quicker to apologize than guys. For isntance, tonight I told my FI to shut up – I immediately apologized before he even had a chance to open his mouth in response. He probably wouldn’t have done that – instead I would have gotten pissed and told him how inappropriate it is for him to talk to me that way and lectured him before he finally apologized.

Anyway, I suggest you let things cool off and then discuss what exactly it was that bothered him and why and how you can keep from doing it again and then ask him to apologize for how he reacted because it wasn’t appropriate.

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