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Before the wedding is so stressful. I was a MESS before and he was stressed out. It caused A LOT of fights. Between April and up to the day we were packing for our wedding in August things weren't great. However, after we were married, for over a month we didn't have one single fight, it was so nice. Now we've been married two months and have only had a few disagreements, nothing like before the wedding though. Hopefully things can work out for you. Just really try to openly communicate with each other and it will be okay.
Hope you feel better.
God, it was awful before the wedding. We were so stressed out and the heightened emotions make every argument hurt more. It'll be okay and you'll get through it.
Just try to forgive him, if he truly ment he was sorry and didn't mean to say what he said, try to say I forgive you and mean it. This means no replaying in your head what happened, and no bringing up what he said during your next fight.
That trick is something my DH taught me. He was brought up to always say your forgiven after some one said they were sorry. He did that with me when we first started dating and I thought it was weird. Once I realized he's done it from childhood and it's his way of showing me he's moved on, I really adapted it myself.
One catch. If you feel your going to keep rehashing it or playing it over in your head, your not truly ready to forgive, it has to be a concious decision and you have to make yourself not relive the hurt of the argument anymore. There have been times where I've had to tell him i'm not ready to say your forgiven. It's hurt but in the long run, its amazing what the decision to not dwell on what was said does!
Its the coolest thing to have the freedom of those powerful little words. Give it a try if you are able I really think it's so helpful.
I'm so sorry that you two faught and said hurtful things.. as much as it's probably never "good" to argue quite like that, it's sometimes good to "air" things out a bit.
My FI and I almost never fight, and when we do, I'm generally the hurtful one and he's so laid back which is why fights rarely ignite. He cuts me off at the pass before I can really get riled up. I feel lucky that I have someone like that in my life.
All of that being said ...we have NEVER had arguements as often or as nasty as we have since we've been engaged, last Valentines day! I keep bringing this up to him and he often says it's pressures of trying to figure out wedding stuff. I hope that is all it is.
Best wishes! xoxo
My husband gets so upset when we fight. It's like he thinks we never should, which is silly. Of course we are going to fight. I always remind him that it isn't really about the fight or what was said in the heat of the moment that defines your relationship. It is how you deal with it after.
It sounds like this fight was a bad one if hurtful things were said. Make sure you both learn from it so that you can, well, fight better in the future. You are never going to be fight-free so make sure you both use every fight as a lesson in communication. Nothing wrong with a post-fight analysis to determine what went wrong so things will be better next time.
We aren't arguing, but I'm a giant grump-ball of stress, and he's tolerating me.
You can do it! It happens - we have had some wedding related doozies. We always came back to the realization that we're in this together, on the same team - we will pull through. And so will you!
Getting through a wedding is like a structural stress test to see if you can make it through marriage.
beautifully put, jocelyn...fights happen, even over "nothing" and it really is how you deal with it after that matters the most.
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My FI and I had one of those arguments about "nothing" today, and it only escalated to the point where I was crying and he was yelling. Our wedding isn't for another several more months, but I feel like the pressures are starting to sink in and fueling these arguements. He said some pretty hurtful things to me in the argument, primarily fueled by his anger. And although he apologized afterwards, I was still really hurt by what he said and hours later I can't help but replay it in my mind. I come from a background where my parents could never communicate their differences in a healthy way, and although my FI and I are not anything like my parents, when we occasionally have arguments like this, I get scared that I'm reliving my parents marriage.