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I just turned 40 this month. The difference for me is that it's also my second marriage, so I get even more of the "You don't deserve a...." and the list goes on and on:
white dress (which I didn't want anyway)
veil
engagement pics (no idea why I'm not entitled to those)
church ceremony
on and on and on.
I say - do what you want - the people who truly care about you and want what is best for you will just be happy you're having your BIG DAY just as you like. I totally understand though!
ps. I'm better at 40 than I was at 25 or 30 or even 35!
It's not me who is actually catching flack or any grief for my near future engagement, marriage, baby-makin', but it's more what I read and hear.
One thing I can guarantee you, if I had married the guy who I dated from mid twenties to early thirties, the years that are supposedly 'ideal' for marriage? I would be divorced right now.
So I am SO glad I waited!
Not to mention, once in a while I stumble across one poster or another from here on WB and they state they are early 20s and catch flack for marrying too young, yet these individuals sound more mature than some of the older posters do!
And... doesn't it SUCK that's it's almost ALWAYS pointed towards the women who are 40+?? It seems like men can get married at ANY age and it's no big deal, but let a woman do it....
The reason I bring this up is because my FI is 42 (and yeah, my FI is a guy :P) and we're getting married next year. He hasn't gotten ANY flack about it (ok, well, maybe teasing from his friends, lol).
Personally, age doesn't matter. It's how YOU feel that matters!!!
Personally, age doesn't matter. It's how YOU feel that matters!!!
But age DOES matter. I wish it didn't, but it does. When really it shouldn't.
Its kind of like guys who sleep with lots of girls are studs, and girls who sleep with lots of guys are sluts. One stigmas of the world that I don't think will ever truely go away. Get better/lessen? Oui, go away entirely? Non.
@Oneeleven: I'm 44 and I personally think there is something to be said for older and wiser:) I hear you on the "dress for your age" thing because I work really hard on my body and I look better than a lot of girls in their 20s and 30s, if I say so myself. Yoga. Lots and lots of yoga:) I will admit that I had to give up mini skirts because the backs of the thighs just aren't what they used to be. Ha ha.
I'm on my second marriage too and had the requisite "starter marriage" which I'm not sorry about in the least (lesson learned:) But congrats to all of us "older ladies", whether it's the first time or...whatever time!
It's crazy how there are so many stigmas associated with brides and weddings in general. There is a stigma for older brides, for younger brides, for encore brides, for same sex brides, etc. It just kills me. Love is love and should be able to be celebrated no matter how old, young or whatever the case is. Unfortunately, I don't see things changing any time soon. Sorry you are having to deal with the drama of it all. Best of luck to you!
Well I would love it if they took off the "something" from the 40 category. That'd be a start 
I have only run into this once, but I quit putting my age on things after that one time. I look alot younger than I am and am proud to be 40! When I still get carded for bars, don't think that you can treat me like a dottering old lady. Not this girl, not ever! I went into a bridal shop in MN and filled out the form (including age) and gave the consultant the photos of the styles I liked. 10 min later she had pulled more "age appropriate" dress and nothing like I wanted. WTF, I went through alot of trolls in waiting for the "right" guy, raised my son, had a career, and finally everything all comes together and I am going to be punished for it. Hell No! The next place I went to in my home town asked me if I was there to try on prom dresses! That was more like it.
I proclaim to always have the PeterPanSyndrome.
@Oneeleven: Age matters I agree. Sometimes I become very sad when I realize I only have 20-30 good years with Mountain Man..... I wish I had met him earlier. But who knows if we would have clicked. As I always say- If I hadnt been there I wouldnt be here.
And it matters in what we wear, how we plan. The 20 somethings dont have to check their parents out of nursing homes to get to the wedding. And worry if their relatives will still be alive by wedding date.
My best friends all married in their late 30s/early 40s and they have the best marriages out of all the girls I know...they married when they knew what they wanted/needed from a partner.
I think that is a HUGE plus and something that deserves more respect. They also all wore white dresses and veils and looked gorgeous.
@Evie19: being a hippy at my first wedding- didnt wear white- cant decide if white/blush/ivory is the way to go--- somehow I dont think my virginity is a question- lol
@retreadbride: oh please, most of us white-wearing brides are not virgins and everyone knows it! ;) I just think white and ivory is so glam and romantic at the same time!
@Evie19: lol- really? I thuoght we were all straight out of the convent--- at least thats my story and Im sticking to it.. As David Turtero says- it all depends on the skin tone of his bride-- not many women can really pull off Clorox White. Go girl if you can.
@Evie19: lol- really? I thuoght we were all straight out of the convent--- at least thats my story and Im sticking to it.. As David Turtero says- it all depends on the skin tone of his bride-- not many women can really pull off Clorox White. Go girl if you can.
I totally agree with your 'body appropriate' statement. Lots of women walk down the aisle accompanied with flab on both sides. It's not so much about "doesn't matter if I am outta shape. He loves me and that's all!" Umm... no! That is not ALL. He loves YOU, but you need to love your body! Your organs are your PRIMARY asset. If your heart, lungs, etc. are being overworked and malnutritioned, you ain't gonna last long enough for him to love! Don't have to be a stick figure. And even just 4-5 pounds extra is not bad, but you've seen what I'm talking about! I am not the cream of the crop, but I've worked hard now to be healthy. Eating, sleeping, excericising, etc. I know it is not easy but it is totally worth it. Your body will 'repay' for you for a long time to come.
Grr!! (Sorry for thread jacking!) 
@retreadbride: Haha...oh, my yes. I meant to say we are all innocents! ;-)
I don't necessarily mean stark white, but you know...very light ivory, diamond white, etc... :)
I was just going to say that~
I would love to rock a blush gown if I could but when I get married my hunny will need to wear his ceramonial dress uniform which is a scarlet red jacket and black pants. Really I can only pull of white with it :(
Lol! I hear you! :) I am in the same shape now as I was when I was 20, and 30, hell I have a pair of jeans I've had since I was 14! I'm wearing a strapless dress and thats all there is too it~ :P
The 40 section is just so much more interesting to me: less drama and the issues here, especially with child bearing, are more pertinent to my life.
Rarely do I focus on my 41 years when I talk about my wedding, BUT I have used my age to justify my vanity and boast about how darn great I look in my bikini. And very few women of any age can carry it off as well as I can. Just sayin'.
Im 44 with 5 1/2 grandchildren (one on the way...YAY) never been married and have the same athletic sexy body I had in high school. I am wearing what looks good on me for my wedding. And my fiance and i plan on having a child together (GASP, I really love him!!!) @ stacycats hi-five
Seriously life is precious. Live each day as if it's your last. Which to me means living the way we want to on OUR terms.
So- i wear, do what i want, how i want, when i want etc etc.
When i was younger, for a few short years, i had low self esteem and was always self concious about what others would think of me. People used that to their advantage and i became a doormat. Luckily i snapped out of it.
Now that i am older i am much more "assertive" and as a new yorker born and raised i will pretty much be blunt if someone so much as dares to tell me how to dress , what to wear etc.
So its pretty much--- "there's a short pier dress warm when you take that flying leap" or "I'll take that under advisement when hell freezes over and don't forget to say hi to the big guy for me"
As far as our wedding, this time around we only want our grown kids there (and my 8 year old). Some family members began to dictate and all i had to do was give them "the look" they know me better so they backed off. LOL
I don't give anyone any slack, an invitation or an "opening" to hurt me through their mean spirited objections, condecending words etc. I'll stop them cold in mid sentence if i have to.
I am gonna be 45 in a few weeks but get mistaken for much younger, often. I am wearning a strapless ballgown and anyone who doesn't like it can go jump off the same pier Neutrina sends them to. 
Oh, and it's ivory. LOL
I'm so happy to read this post. LOL. I bristle when I read "age appropriate" or "mature" in relation to wedding gown styles. Really? We're going down this path? I agree, let's pick out what flatters our figures. Let's face it, as we age some of us are going to be more matronly while others aren't. Go with what you love!
I try to not get annoyed when people assume we're having a small wedding/ceremony. I've been married before, but this is my first wedding and DF has never been married. We are having four attendants each and one or two ring bearers and possibly one flower girl. It's a big event. And yes, we're old (I'll be 47, he'll be just shy of 41.)
But being older has it's advantages, too. Better choices in mates. More disposable income. More relaxed attitudes.
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, I'm 54 and not even in the 40+ range. Yes people seem to have a hard time accepting that I want more than the "age-appropriate" JP wedding. Screw-em! If they don't like it, stay home!
Here's a pic of me and the gown that I ordered (and yes I tried it on and it looks fabulous on me!).
So funny I just saw this. I was given a really hard time from some freinds and family about having a "real" wedding. We are both first timers and waited a really long time to find the right person. I was told it wasn't right or me to wear a wedding dress or a veil at my age. I just turned 40 a few moths ago. I almost listen those people. I have 5 weeks to go and we are having our ceremony/recption in a lovely historic home and with hm in his tux I will be walking down the aisle to him in my beautiful wedding dress with my veil. I am so glad I ignored and went for what we both wanted and deserved.
@BodyByViGirl& Neutrina Mayeb we could have a round up and bus them all to the same peir?
I am 47 and yes, what happens when I am 50? A half century I will be! WhoopDeeDoo! My fiance is 43.
We'll be together in our "old" age that's for sure!
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Why is getting married *gasp* over 40 a big deal? Why is it even something that needs to be pointed out? I don't get it....
I mean.. Personally, I pretty much look the same as I did when I was thirty... and for that matter, 25. I honestly have not changed all that much. And while I'll admit, I am a late bloomer in life, really,besides liking my 'boring ole' office job vs: working in nightclubs, and going to bed by 11 most nights, I'm the same.
And what's up with the '40 + appropriate' dresses? How about "body-type" appropriate? Isn't that more on the money?
And why is it 40 + when the 20s and the 30s respectively get their own sections? Does that mean that 40 year olds are the same as someone who is 65 or our lovely 80 year posters?
I am posting this with a tongue-in-cheek light heartedness, but part of me is serious.
It kind of drive's me a wee bit bananas.
