Post # 1
Why does wedding and associated party planning turn everyone around you into psycho douchebags from hell?
Ever since I got a ring on my finger, people who are normally are calm, kind individuals have turned into self-centered evil witches who want nothing to do with anything that doesn’t revolve around them.
We planned a Vegas bachelorette on the suggestion of my 2 long time friends, we have had this going on for months, and now that is time to book they are backing out. Since I got engaged they have barely had time for me, haven’t asked anything about the wedding, don’t see me when I am in town, didn’t come to my housewarming. Nothing.
So my sister writes them an email calling them out a bit – asking why I have always been there for them for their housewarmings, weddings, kids births and birthdays are a great time and expense to me and when it is my turn they don’t seem to care. I know she was mad, but didn’t know what she was doing – but now these 2 girls are inundating me with pissy messages about how I have had nothing big happen in my life so they haven’t missed a thing (I guess graduating university, getting engaged, and buying a home are only big if they do it).
They claim they are “excited for the wedding” but they don’t share that with me. Ever. They claim they were planning on doing some home celebration (but they have never mentioned anything of the sort to me since they have rarely even talked to me since I got engaged)
These 2 girls have been friends for over 14 years. One is married with 2 kids, the other is common-law with one kid.
I just want to go and hide under a rock somewhere until the wedding is over.
Post # 3
Honestly you should message them back and say, “Well, I didn’t know my sister wrote that, but she makes a good point. If these events were big enough in your lives, they certainly are big enough in my life. It’s a shame you two want to keep missing them, but luckily I still have people who care about me. Thanks anyways.” I think friend breakups can be good sometimes, and I really have a problem when friends act this way and then people say “just tune them out and slowly stay away from them.” No, sometimes people need to be called out on their behavior and know what they did.
If you don’t want to break it off though, I suggest calling them and saying, look, these events are important to me, and I don’t think it’s asking too much for you two to show up — you know, except say it nicer. Grr, I’m mad for you!! Good luck!
Post # 4
I know exactly how you feel. My 2, who I thought, were my best friends have barley even talked to me since I moved one hour away with my fiance. They both seem to be able to come visit other friends in my town, but never seem to be able to pick up the phone and call me! I’m so fed up with their immature attitudes I want to tell them to forget being a part of the wedding. I have always been there for the two of them, and now that I need them, its like they dropped off the face of the planet. That is except to come and have me buy everything for them to be in the bridal party. My fince and I are paying for the wedding ourselves and told them when we asked if they wanted to be included that they would have to chip in on the dresses and accessories…I’m sure I’ll never see a penny from them. Sorry to rant with you, but just wanted you to know that you are not alone with this.
Post # 5
*Hugs* I’m sorry your “friends” are being mean! I think LaborofLove hit the nail on the head! That’s not fair at all!
Post # 6
It is so frustrating, I know it all started because we decided to have a super-small bridal party, so I just have my sisters as bridesmaids, and my FH just has 2 groomsmen, and these friends are pissy that they aren’t included. I explained why the party was small, and I just chose my sisters, but obviously my reasons don’t matter. Obviously I made the right choice in going with just my sisters.
It is so frustrating, we have tried to include them in the planning and stuff, and now that the time comes they have a million excuses why they can’t come along. At this point I barely even want them at my bridal shower and wedding.
I seem to be the one who is always making up for this nonsense, but this time it is not my fault and I refuse to be the one who smooths things over. Frankly, I am the most important person in this situation, and I did nothing wrong except for want to celebrate in a fun way with my friends and family.
I have already been in contact with them (by email/facebook message) telling them that my sister is an adult (she is 24) and that she chose to stand up for me in this situation, and that I am hurt that they have prioritized so much above celebrating with me.
I dunno, now my sister feels guilty, I spent the morning crying, my sister tried to call them to explain her message and they both hung up on her, and all for what?
Post # 7
Sorry you are having to go through this, but it is better you found out now, instead of later. Your sister should not feel guilty for sticking up for you. That is what family and true friends do. If it were me, I would just cut all contact from them and move on. Easier said than done, I know, but probably for the best. If they are true friends, they will reach out to you. You and your sister have done nothing wrong.
Post # 8
Yeah, those friends are no friends of yours. This happened to me by a friend of mine… she was acting kinda crazy. And so are your friends. I really support a decision for them not to be there–if they are the kind of people who are always making you be the one to make things up, they’re no longer worth your time.
Post # 9
This happened to me too, so you are definitely not alone!
In my case, this “friend” who I’d been friends with and supported for 10 years got crazy posessive and refused to get to know or like Fiance and was deliberately excluding him whenever she could. She openly told me she didn’t support me in this. There’s more to it than that, but long story short eventually I stood up for us and broke off the friendship. A year later, I still think about her and I’m still angry sometimes that I didn’t rip her the new one she deserved, but I’m much, much happier with the man that I love.
People get crazy when your life changes. It’s so odd and sometimes no matter how much you reason or listen there’s no getting away from it. At least you’ve communicated your feelings.
Post # 10
The same happened to me my cousin the one i’m closest to or at least was. Ever since i got engaged she’s been very distant or negative about everything. She won’t answer my calls or acts snotty when the subject of my wedding comes up. the last stunt she pulled was trying to have a party at the venue i have for my wedding prior to my wedding. This is a place she has never been to, heard of etc. WTF. She called and decided to ask because some people are “funny” about stuff like that. I think there should be some name for the psychosis that seems to attack anyone associated with a bride.
Post # 11
I know exactly how you feel! Some of my BMs are also being really distant – there is so much drama surrounding weddings, with the BMs and family and everything… I even briefly considered not having a wedding today, just to stop the insanity!!!
Sorry, no useful advice here but I can offer you a virtual hug. 🙁
Post # 12
Yep, today I was like – let’s just F it, cancel the vegas bachelor/bachelorette weekend, whoever still wants to come can come just vacation with us in vegas and we can just get married while we are there, then all the pressure is off, and our wedding can just be a big party without the wedding part causing issues. But we don’t really want that – it is just nice to pretend we could tell everyone that drama caused all but a few select people to miss out on the wedding.
Post # 13
I’m really sorry Miss Mini. This is kind of going on with me too. The only advice I have for you is to remind yourself that this is not about you – they are having issues and no, it’s not fair that they cannot be there for you in the same way that you are there for them. Good luck, hope your wedding is fun and everything you’ve dreamed of, and hope your marriage is even better!!!
Post # 14
this rings true for me too! i just told off a good friend of mine for not rsvp-ing to my sis for the bridal shower DESPITE this friend hysterically crying when i told her i couldn’t go to her birthday party this year but had stayed in town an extra several hours to meet up with her prior to the event to buy her a drink. she went so nuts at this suggestion that i dragged my partner and a ton of luggage on a $50 cab ride to be there for her. and she never even rsvp’d to the shower (she pulled the same crap a few months ago for my graduation party). the NERVE on some people is so galling.