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These misogynistic things are around all the time. There are commitment-ready men out there who are too smart for these dumb Maxim-style articles. We can assume your fiancé is one of them. :) Have you told him how angry & sad all of this delaying is making you, or at least that you feel hurt by it?
We had a talk about this over a month ago and he knows I don't wish him to discuss any of this until we're engaged. BDDT and have I got the t shirt to prove I've had that talk! lol! I'm pretty fierce about this now. No more confusion for me. Nada. How wierd. I am the girl telling the guy to NOT talk about marriage! lol!
My ears have never heard any of the excuses about engagement like this article states at all. But I sure bet some of the bees here might have heard of a friend or somebody getting "the money/job promotion/it's the economy"excuse though.
Back to topic. I think this site just trivializes marriage and fidelity and committment.
What bothers me is there could be men who think this is how a guy should act..it is maxxim-like imho. Not that I've read it, but read one online article from maxxim a few yrs back though.
Belle, this is the one that just killed me:
http://theplunge.com/bachelorparty/the-best-mans-responsibility-for-planning-the-bachelor-party
I've never read anything so offensive to brides and women in general in my life.
Oh, and this one really rubbed me the wrong way, for obvious reasons:
http://theplunge.com/honeymoonplanner/avoiding-newlywed-pregnancy-on-honeymoon
particularly this:
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12px">"Yes, you’re married, but children could cripple a young, fragile marriage. Marriage is forever, but parenting is for-real-forever."
ummmm... marriage is for-real-forever.
It's like they are appeasing a guy who feels he has to get married or something imho. And that a marriage is a permanent or could be transient relationship. That they're in it for the sex, the fun, and NONE of the responsibilities. Where is the promise "For better or worse, until death do us part?" Huh? WHERE is that in this site and in its articles?
I know I have raging pms right now and am almost out the door to go run, but that article you just showed me has me hopping mad! I will take it out on the greenbelt though.
It's as though there are more men than women and because of the ever so slightly off man to woman ratio that they think they can get away with being so disrespectful and flippant about marriage.
And this is coming from a woman who was divorced. Go figure. But I am more pissy now than before about this site.
I also just read the other article Amandopolis. Ewwwww.
Just plain WRONG. Kids make life ...life. AND I WOULDN'T CHANGE BEING A MOM FOR ANYTHING IN THE WORLD!
I am a single mom. Had difficulties as you could imagine and although my xh and I carefully planned us becoming parents, there is nothing about my life I'd ever change.
Their wording and verbage about life if a baby happens along earlier than planned is as though it takes the fun out of their maxxim-ish, vegas-gambling, pole-dancer-oogling, marriage equals free and nonstop sex-type-lifestyle they are wishing they will have as if they're man-gods or something.
Hello plungeboys--REALITY is calling!! Get off your playboy wanna be arse and answer the phone! Llfe isn't fantasy and if they are living this way for the next ten years, then they'll end up like my ex husband did. I shall not elaborate on his state of condition.
Belle angry now. Writing in third person!!! Will take out on greenbelt!
I don't want to be pelted with rocks here, but I think some of what they said was good. Sure I disagreed or didn't appreciate some of the stuff they said. But for example, with the best man planning the bachelor party (while he said, strippers are so great), one of the things said was make sure you know the bride will be OK with strippers. Don't do it if the groom doesn't want to. And lastly, to rein in the groom if he is dancing close to the line. If every best man followed this advice, no one would be unhappy.
I cared less forthe one about avoinding preganancy. As for the ultimatum, I was mixed. I definitelydidn't like the stall tactis. But at least it was honest in saying, hey if she's the one don't be a coward. And if she isn't the one, you owe it to her to be honest.
To be honest, I think they are trying to dummy it down to guys. It's like they'r trying to keep it kind of shallow, like they aren't capable of thinking to deeply. I kind of think the people who should be most insulted are the guys.
I actually told his BM that it was his "job" to make sure they had some good 'ole fun. Oh well, I tried. I didn't mean licking whip cream off anybody....that's a little gross. strippers and whip cream don't mix.
I think The Plunge is more of an amusing Maxim-style website. Cuz quite frankly, when do guys read anything seriously?! Maxim, Men's Fitness, etc, tjey all have to have some stupid spin on them to even get picked up. Too bad it's all negative for US! Nothing about how wonderful it is they're getting married. It's like we strapped them down, made them propose, and are now all crazy bridezillas. Right.
The website is graphic in that over-the-top excessive kind of way, and yes, retarded, but I'd like to think that most guys don'jt read into it too much.
The website irritates me, too. But yet I understand why it's written the way it is. Sounds like it's for college guys though! Oye vez. They put such a negative twist on things. Instead of saying some GOOD reasons for avoiding pregnancy (saving money, buyinmg a house, time together), they just say "OMG DON'T DO IT. BABIES RUIN YOUR LIFE" essentially. It's all so tactless. THey don't RUIN your life. Sometimes things happne, but they should provide accurate info. And I hate that they're encouraging the men to lie to us and be sneaky with us. Grrr.
But then again, I pick up the Maxim for sh's and giggles sometimes, too. =]
oh my gosh! I recently ran into an ex-college boyfriend randomly the other day...it was a brief relationship, so we ended up staying in touch as friends for a couple of years but eventually lost touch...I asked him about his gf that he had been with since after our relationship had ended (so this is from 2003-2004ish.......5-6 years?!!?!?!) Anyway, i asked him if there are any wedding bells in the near future, since he has been with the "old ball and chain" (his words, NOT MINE!!!) for so long..to which he bluntly replied, NO. Then, I asked him if she had given him any sort of ultimatum..To which he replied kinda, yes...Then, when I asked him if he was thinking of marrying her at all (he said NO) I said, Why not? He said that he just didnt see moving in that direction with her, and then mumbled something else off about just finally getting his career moving along, but that hes still not happy with where he is career wise...yada yada yada. Completely beside myself at this point (I cant believe a guy was being THIS blunt about a girl he has been with for 5 + years in such a negative manner!!!!!) I asked him, has he talked about it with her, to which he said yes, and then he said, yea,......she was a little offended by it....
The kicker is, he said "so, yea we are just gonna stay together until one of us decides to leave the relationship. I dont see either of us leaving the relationship anytime soon though. We are both too comfortable with it to walk away."
WOW!!!!!! I really feel sorry for anyone who is in a relationship like this.
My FI reads the plunge and sort of takes it for what it's worth. I've found that most guys like to joke about how much they hate the wedding or planning the wedding or hearing about the wedding and the plunge is sort of an outlet for that. Some of their tips are actually useful and I think it fulfills its purpose for the most part.
I really liked some of the articles on this website but when I read the "you cheated, now what?" article I was done! I couldn't believe that they advised not telling your fiance unless there was a chance she'd find out!
wow. my boy would be so offended if he saw this... so, I agree with Tanya123. Its like the societal expectation for men has dipped to cave-men level or something.
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You know, I saw this site advertised somewhere recently (on TV?) but I hadn't read it yet. Oooh those articles made me mad. I have to hope that they're trying to be funny/amusing and aren't actually suggesting this stuff. FWIW, most (if not ALL) of the men I know are much smarter and more evolved than this crap would indicate. I have to guess they're appealing to the less mature crowd. Although, like esj4y8 said, it seems like most guy magazines are like this. I suppose, to be fair, a lot of women's magazines espouse this kind of gender-biased junk, just from the other side of it.
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I was thinking about blogging about that site. My "favorite" part of it is where they complain about how The Knot demeans men/grooms (admit it, it sorta does in some places). When their site is doing the opposite, for women/brides! I try to just laugh though... it's another point of view and one that women should read. Some of the stuff they say is silly for brides to fret about, really IS silly.
(Case in point: http://theplunge.com/weddingplanning/wedding-planning-budget-and-costs
"Flowery Crap $1,100 (4%)
Don’t try and fight it. Think of flowers like paying taxes—you don’t like it, you don’t believe in it, you know the government is gonna waste it—but you still have to pay it."
I pretty much agree with a lot of the budget/spending stuff that Plunge writers say is basically "ridiculous, but you have to pay it anyway." My agreeance in this equates to my refusal to pay outrageous prices for things like "flowery crap". )
I'm also pretty partial to this one, since I agree with most of their reasonings.
http://theplunge.com/justengaged/your-get-out-of-wedding-free-card-convincing-her-to-elope
You may not agree with how this site offers ways for men to "trick" women in to doing things, but seriously. Don't most women's magazines do pretty much the same exact thing for men? All you can do is laugh, brush it off, and thank heavens you have an honest relationship with your guy.
All of that said... I do NOT approve of them advising men not to tell women they cheated. And the comment about children being "real-forever" is pretty off-color also. :(
Meh, call me a humorless feminist, but I didn't find that site funny. I guess some parts could be considered amusing, but in general? Not so much...
The article about convincing/tricking/blackmailing the woman to change her last name pissed me off. I showed it to fiance (along with a couple other pages) and he rolled his eyes and said "Heh, that site looks like Wedding Planning for Douchebags. If it's making you angry, don't read it". I thought about it for a second and realized he was right. Why bother reading something if it was annoying me? So I stopped.
So yeah, meh.
Hm, I'm very curious, I'd like to look it over with my FI... whose idea of a super awesome bachelor party is going surfing in California with his brother and his best friend. I was like- hey go to a strip club too! They're fun! And he said NO! And became very embarrassed. What a sweety. But really, these sites and mags are made for a certain type of guy and they aren't all like that, just like all of us women aren't crazy Bridezillas (right?).
Michiebaby nailed it: "Its like the societal expectation for men has dipped to cave-men level or something."
Oh man, that made me laugh!
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Beekeeper
Taken from the new tongue and cheek (and site that really somewhat miffs me altogether) called "The Plunge" which is "supposed" to help grooms with engagement and weddings.
This article, "Dealing with Ultimatums" just made me mad. Now my guy hasn't done the DOOM technique whatsoever with me, and I have not delivered any ultimatum but the part about the "if she is in her mid to late 30's" part had my blood boiling for it is AS IF it's part of the man manual that when we get to that crucial biological phase in our lives that men are aware of it too.
http://theplunge.com/gettingengaged/if-girlfriend-gives-you-marriage-ultimatum
Have any of you on this board experienced an engagement put off based on their version of D.O.O.M.?
Personally this article and their article on "You Cheated. Now What?" Just made my pms soar to unusually evil heights and forced me to eat some chocolate yesterday.
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