Article: The Most Amazing Wedding Text Fight of Our Time

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Because everyone loves a poll!
    Newlyweds were right : (1 votes)
    0 %
    Candy basket guy was right : (62 votes)
    31 %
    Both wrong : (29 votes)
    14 %
    Guests don't need to cover their own plate- it's a party! : (68 votes)
    34 %
    Guests should give a gift to try to cover their plate : (11 votes)
    5 %
    Mmmmmm candy.. : (30 votes)
    15 %
  • Post # 3
    987 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    Wow that girl is rude! I would have even considered the gift card given as part of the gift, and been happy that anything else was given to us! I love gifts, hope to get MANY of them at our wedding and yes, I will be upset if some people dont even bother to give a card (with or without money), but just showing up and experiencing the day with us is whats most important.


    Also, I would take that fluffy whip in a heart beat, I am actually running low! 🙂

    Post # 4
    6365 posts
    Bee Keeper

    It’s not polite to give a craptastic wedding gift (and his was borderline-craptastic, although the fact that he also gave them another gift at their doe-and-doe makes it more reasonable…  I say one gift per guest per couple getting married) …but even if it was full-on craptastic (“Here’s a used $0.99 dish towel I found behind my fridge”), it is SO MUCH WORSE to complain about one. You still have to send a thank-you card for the used dish towel. It can’t even be sarcastic. You don’t even get to vaguebook about it where mutual friends might see it. You could go anon and complain on the bee, but that’s about it. You suck it up. That’s what adults do.


    Post # 5
    3374 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @joya_aspera:  +1 

    I don’t think a food gift basket is the most appropriate wedding gift, but the bride’s reaction was far worse. “Weddings are to make money for the future”?! Wow.

    Poor form of the guest to throw in the jibe about same-sex marriage though.

    Post # 7
    4664 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Mannnn. If I were candy basket guy and I got that first text about the gluten intolerance, I’d probably have sent another basket full of celiac-friendly treats.

    But I don’t think that’s required. I think it’s kind of a weird present, for sure, and I’d definitely be cracking up and gossipping if someone got it for me… (just because it’s weird though, not because it’s cheap) but he’s right that it’s snotty to expect people to gift the value of their meal (or at all, in many circles.) 

    It’s certainly classless to start a fight over it (from the married couples’ pov) instead of just rolling your eyes, laughing it off, and quietly distancing yourself from that person if you really feel offended.

    I don’t think there was anything wrong with letting him know she was celiac, so he was wrong to get upset over THAT message, but everything after that was terrible!

    Post # 8
    741 posts
    Busy bee

    @MrsYoshida:  Ummmm, how TACKY of the newlyweds! Poor guy was all excited about what he thought was a thoughful gift. Can’t people just be gracious?!? I am sorry, but the fact that you COMPLAIN about your gift, negates your right to opinion on what is appropriate as a wedding gift.

    Post # 9
    3374 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @MrsYoshida:  This bit:

    It’s obvious you have the etiquette of a twig, I couldn’t care less of what you think about the gift you received, “normal” people would welcome anything given, you wanna have a party, you pay for it, DON’T expect me to, I don’t care what you or anybody thinks, you should just be happy your sham of a marriage is legal dude!

    Post # 10
    6365 posts
    Bee Keeper

    @rusticbee2014:  Yeah. My dad gives horrible wedding gifts (and birthday gifts, and any kind of gifts, lol) and he truly doesn’t know they’re terrible. There’s no need to let him know, either. And if anyone ever did, he would just express his regrets that it wasn’t what they had hoped for, end the conversation, and pretend it never happened.

    He’s a true old school gentleman (just a terrible gift-giver. He’s extremely unmaterialistic, and that’s the main reason – he doesn’t know material things and he doesn’t want to. It’s not out of any ill will, ever). I don’t think anyone’s ever regretted inviting him to their wedding though.

    Post # 11
    974 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    Crazy newlyweds!  We didn’t even think about gifts other than three people who bugged the daylights out of us to do a registry… so we did a small one.  They (and almost everyone else gave cash).  We didn’t even think of gifts or money and were shocked by the money we received.  Since we left at Oh My God early the next morning we carried that money halfway across the US until we arrived, checked in and could deposit it in our bank (luckily they had a branch there!).  We were like “Um, ok so we split it and each carry half.”

    One lady who couldn’t attend gave us a really sweet personal gift… that was hand made for her niece who was getting married but didn’t want it.  We thought it was awesome.  She told us the story, and said “then I thought of you and how much you meant to me and I hope you like it, but if you don’t, you don’t have to take it”.  It wasn’t my style, but it was so sweet and so heartfelt for her to think of me, I really was honored to have it.

    Post # 12
    2185 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    We got given 1 cereal bowl, average present but we never ever complained cos we were so grateful to be given anything at all!!! Every guest got a thank u Card. You should never ever expect a gift and if your given one never say its not good enough thats greedy, selfish and disgusting

    Post # 13
    741 posts
    Busy bee

    @joya_aspera:  Aw, see – I think that sounds sweet and I would appreciate that even more than something fancy schmancy! A true gentleman giving to give and not trying to impress or out-do with materialistic expressions of love.

    I’m not saying fancy schmancy gifts can’t be awesome, but a GIFT should not be a DEMAND. Quite the opposite, in fact! You could wrap a rock in a piece of tissue paper and put a ribbon around it and my sappy ass will be touched that you spent time wrapping it for me.


    Post # 14
    1480 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2013 - Creek club at ion, SC

    Yea … I would have seen that gift as very cute. I love a well thought out idea better than a fancy dinnerplate.

    Post # 15
    737 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I don’t think that there was anything wrong with the food basket gift.  The guy who gave the gift seemed to have put a lot of thought in to the selection.  

    Unfortunately that’s the only part of the story that doesn’t seem incredibly “off” to me!  I can’t imagine how terrible I would feel if a coulpe told me that the gift I chose to give was unappreciated.  (Fortunately, I don’t think my friends or family would behave like the brides in this story.  Even if I gave them an opened Chia Pet with a clearance sticker still on the box.)  

    The brides (both of them) were really rude to “call out” the gift giver.  But he certainly didn’t help the conversation stay civilized.  After the second text message from the newlyweds he could have simply replied “I’m so sorry you didn’t appreciate the gift that I gave in honor of your nuptuials.  Next time I will remember this incident and behave accordingly.”  That reply clearly implies nearly everything that the Gift Basket Dude wrote back, but remains civil and at the same time communicates “this is the end of the conversation, as far as I’m concerned.” 

    Instead his reply was filled with hostility, insults and an air of superiority.  

    This friendship is clearly destroyed, and everyone involved is left feeling hurt, insulted and slighted.  It’s really sad that the wedding brought out the worst in the couple getting married.


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