As a bridesmaid is it rude to offer to help the bride lose weight?

posted 3 years ago in Dress
Post # 3
Member
3280 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I think just shooting her a text, “hey I’m going to the gym today,wanna join?” would be fine, anything more might come off a bit rude. Don’t mention anything about weight or her dress though. 

Post # 4
Member
334 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@lilydancermask:  I wouldn’t mention anything unless she brought the topic up first. But even then i would only ask if she wanted to go to the gym with you and i wouldn’t push the point either. At the end of the day she has to be willing to do it and can’t be made to.

Post # 5
Member
697 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Yes. Unless she seeks your help with wanting to lose weight, it’s rude.

Post # 6
Member
2565 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@miss-stacie-2013:  +1

If she brings it up that she wants to get in shape for the wedding, you could offer her to come to your gym.  Any way you bring it up she may get upset over, especially if she has gained weight since buying the dress I’m sure she is aware she won’t fit into the size she ordered.  If you have never invited her to the gym before, and now do it out of the blue, she may feel like you are telling her she needs to loose weight.

Post # 7
Member
9528 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

If she brings up wanting to lose weight, then you could casuallly offer to be a workout buddy. But if you bring it up it could really hurt her and your relatinoship. Let her worry about the dress. Not your buisness. If she wants help then I think it would be really nice. But without her asking it may come off as superior and arrogant (like I’m awesome and in shape and don’t you want to be like me?). I absolutely  don’t think that is true, but it may come  off that way.

 

Post # 8
Member
861 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

@lilydancermask:  Unless she directly and I mean directly asks you for help, “I need to lose weight and quickly. I am nervous the dress won’t fit. How much is your gym membership? ” or something along those lines, it is rude and she would be fully justified in telling you off.

Getting involved in helping someone lose weight and advising them is not something to jump in to. Plenty of women vent or say ugh I hate my theighs, that is not an invitation to basically say, yeah I noticed too, but in nicer words. It is like sticking your nose in when a woman is having trouble ttc. Just a bad idea.

 

Also unless she already has a gym membership and goes to the gym, asking if she wants to go is a veiled way of saying “you are fat”. Unless she likes to hike and does it atleast semi-regularly, asking her to go hiking is saying the same thing. People aren’t that stupid, I mean the minute you ask look at how many veiled “you need to lose weight” suggestion you get. She’ll know and she’ll feel worse.

Post # 9
Member
842 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@lilydancermask:  I think that honestly it’s none of your business. Even if you are coming from a place of genuine concern, most brides are under enough stress and pressure without any outside input. Your FSIL is well aware of how she looks and what size dress she ordered and that’s on her. Unless she brings it up, you should stay out of it. 

Post # 10
Member
1681 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@lilydancermask:  I’m with the PP. Don’t say anything about her weight. You could always do the casual, “Hey, want to go for a walk with me? I need some energy”  or, more convinving, “I’m getting so bummed working out by myself everyday. I’d love a buddy a few days a week. Will you come with me?”

 

Post # 11
Member
1590 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

If she brings it up, ask her if she wants to go with you. If not, stay far far away. I’m sure they can put a corset in the dress or something.

PS…when will people learn that ordering a dress too small is a TERRIBLE idea!!

Post # 12
Member
7070 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I wouldn’t say a word. None of your business IMO. If she wants to lose weight she will put forth the effort, and if not…there’s always alterations.

Post # 13
Member
2189 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

Although I understand where you’re coming from, I think it’s rude to suggest anyone lose weight. And like others said it’s not your business.

Post # 15
Member
6812 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

I don’t think it’s rude. She ordered her dress TWO sizes too small?? That’s a LOT of weight she needs to lose. I know bc I ordered my dress 2 sizes too small for a wedding and guess what? I didn’t lose the weight in time, had to switch with another BM to a bigger size and STILL had to take the entire thing out as much as possible. I was really upset about not having lost the weight – if someone offered to be my gym buddy, I would have jumped on it. 

I think there’s a way to do it with some tact. Just say, “Hey I go to the gym 5x a week and would really enjoy a buddy – studies show that going to the gym with someone motivates you to go more and lose weight. Want to be my gym buddy?” And while you guys are working out, you can share diet info with her too. Just say things like, “Oh I read online/in my magazine/wherever that xyz..”

I think girlfriends share diet and workout info – at least I do with mine so I don’t think it’s a problem.

Post # 16
Member
413 posts
Helper bee

Were you there when she bought the dress/did she tell you about buying smaller with the plan to lose? Or did your brother/your mom/any other third party tell you.

If it’s the former, I’d totally throw out a “hey – i feel like i never get to see you/i’d love to get to know you better since you’re going to be family. i don’t have a lot of spare time, but since i know you’re working to tone up for the wedding, why don’t we try to coordinate gym schedules one or two times a week?” she can always just say your schedules don’t jive.

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