As expected, my guest list is OUT OF CONTROL

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Hostess
9892 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

the only thing you can do is make a HUGE cut and say immediate family only – cut out all friends if you really want to get it down.  

Post # 4
Member
2620 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

multple receptions- church congregation gets cake and punch reception after a sunday service,  work friends and soriety dinner party sometime….  or invite everyone and have  it  the good type of MADNESS

Post # 5
Member
1242 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

Ideally, what do you want your number(s) to be at?

Who’s paying, you or your (his) parents?

Make A, B, C and even D lists. Sometimes it helps.

With weddings MOST people understand how expesnive they are, and MOST people are not offended if they don’t get invited.

Cutting people is super hard, super difficult and very emotional. I’ve helped a number of friends do it, and it involved a lot of bottles of wine and a couple of tears.

When it comes to cutting, there have been certain “rules” they have helped a number of friends with their lists:

No kids. It cuts down the list a lot.

Regarding family, family is hard to cut, and a very sensitive topic. But, my personal rule is, if you haven’t seen them in a while (like 10 years), or they don’t know your SO, they get cut.

Friends: when is the last time you have hung out with that friend? When is the last time you’ve talked to them? If it’s been more then a year since you’ve seen them, cut them (or at least B list). I know it was your best friend in high school, but you don’t see them.

Co-workers, unless you hang out outside of work – cut.

Same with Church friends, unless you see them outside of church, ie: you have been to their house, they have been to yours – cut.

It sounds harsh, it sounds brutal, but it works. And if you end up with room to wiggle, add some B-listers.

Post # 6
Hostess
9892 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

one of my friends did the invite EVERYONE to the ceremony and cake/punch standing reception and had a much smaller reception later for a few guests.  The father of the groom was the pastor at the church and therefore it was a very large ceremony

Post # 7
Member
2546 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

you CAN cut the guest list. believe me. 300 people are not dying to go to your wedding. 

 

do you need to invite 80 people from your FFIL’s church?

Post # 9
Member
11300 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

1. We are hosting our wedding in the same city as our university (which is good, becuase I really want friends to come. Invite only CLOSE friends. People you actually keep in close touch with on the phone/text, emails, and in person.

2. Our family all lives in the two surrounding states. NOBODY WILL SAY NO. I would invite only the family you’re close to/see frequently.

3. FI’s dad is a preacher of a small local church. We are very close with many of those families, and that’s 80+ people. TBH, these people don’t need to be invited, UNLESS you see them frequently outside of church/church activities.

4. I have stepfamilies and a sorority Invite those closest to you.

5. FI has a church community group of 40+ These people don’t need to be invited, UNLESS you see them frequently outside of church/church activities.

6. I have work friends of 30 plus spouses. You do not need to invite work friends unless you’re super close (like, you hang out/speak regularly outside of work).

We both have large families, so we started with them. His brother invited basically everyone he’d ever met to his wedding (he didn’t care, since he wasn’t paying for it), but we immediately said no way (then again, we’re paying for ours). We invited family who we actually see regularly/speak to (so like, the one cousin of FFIL who comes to Christmas is not invited). Friends were harder, since FI has a million of them, but lots of them he hasn’t seen or spoken to in YEARS. We had rules: you have to have physically seen the person in the last 6 months; you have to regularly talk to this person and have spoken to them in the last month. This eliminated a LOT of random people I’ve never met or heard of. 

Post # 10
Member
2912 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I could easily invite 300 + people but I choose not to, everyone has an inner and outer circle, invite only the inner circle of people you are closest to and keep it to 100 or less and it will be fun and low key. 

Post # 11
Member
3280 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Why not invite them all? We’re having almost 400 people and it will still be fun and causal. I’ve been to several weddings with 500+ and they have all been amazing, no problems what so ever. To me it’s more important to have everyone there to celebrate with us, especially people we don’t see often. 

Post # 13
Member
11300 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

@MissOtter:  Why would the parents of your close friends need to be invited? Unless they’re all also like your parents, too? As for your coworkers wanting to throw you a shower, that’s pretty normal, and I highly doubt that they expect to be invited to your wedding. Honestly, it sounds like you really need to set up some boundaries for this, but you don’t want to do so and hurt someone’s feelings. Are you REALLY that close to thirty of your sorority sisters that they ALL need to be invited (with +1s!) to your wedding? I had no interest in joining a sorority, but my friends who did ended up close with maybe 2-3 of the girls, and definitely not 30 of them. Good lord, we didn’t even invite our old coworkers–and we worked with them for 5 and 10 years! That includes my immediate supervisor, who loved both FI and I AND wanted us to get together for years before we did.

The way I see it, you’re either going to have to set up rules/boundaries or you’re going to end up inviting all 350 people on your list. Maybe set a budget first (talk money with your parents, his parents, and what you both can contribute) and base your guest list on that? You say that your guest list is out of control, but you’re unwilling to cut it down, so you’re really at an impasse here.

Post # 15
Member
1163 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@MissOtter:  Yikes that’s a LOT of people! What is your ideal guest count? The way we cut our list in half was by starting with our immediate families, then adding our grandparents, parents’ siblings+spouses, and then ONLY the people who we actually speak to regularly…aka our bridal party plus a handful of other friends. Other than that, we honestly didn’t need to include the majority of the people we had on the list. The way I see it is if you’re not one of the people I think to contact when I get a promotion, move to a new town, need a listening ear, or celibrate other milestones with then you probably don’t need to be at my wedding. We had 130+ on our list, and I am in no way, shape, or form close with 130+ people. That was clear evidence that we needed to cut it down to people we have real relationships with, and that we can forsee relationships with in the future.

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