(Closed) As I write this I am soaked in tears…

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2788 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

Oh no!!! I am so sorry this happened.  Is there any chance you could ask another family member? Maybe get a loan from one of them? I wish you the best and positive thoughts your way.

Post # 4
Member
406 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I am so  sorry about this- young lady.  One day I believe you will not have to compromise on something this important, but I don’t blame you for being upset.  Praying for you right now-

Post # 5
Member
2208 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

((HUGS))

I have a practical mind, so this is what I immediately thought: what are your biggest oustanding costs, and how can you get creative?

Is it food? Call your aunts, cousins, and best friends, and get a pot luck going.

Is it booze? Go cheaper. Cut wine out, do one keg, just have spiked punch. Two giant $40 bottles of vodka or rum and some creativity should go a long way.

Cancel the tux rentals if you can, if FI owns a suit.

If you have to put a few things on a CC, it isn’t the end of the world if you know exactly how you will pay it off.

YOU CAN DO IT. Its time to get creative and ask for favours from friends. I think that if you calmly explain the situation, you can make it happen.

Post # 6
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I’m so sorry you’re going through this!  How awful! It really sucks that your dad is doing this to you. 

I know it’s not exactly what you want, but I say throw on your dress, grab your nearest and dearest and head to city hall!  Then head back to your backyard, fire up the grill and have a really great, very chill night with the people you love. 

Don’t go into debt for your wedding if you can help it, it’s about so much more than one day!  It’s about your future and your MARRIAGE! 

Post # 7
Member
5263 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

Man, normally when I read these posts I think the poster is ungrateful or expects too much. But your dad sounds like an asshole, and I think he’s being inconsiderate and unreasonable. I’m sorry and I don’t know what to tell you. πŸ™ Is there any way that you could push back the wedding until you save up more to pay for it yourselves? Or, if you haven’t send out STDs or invites yet, I would just put your foot down with the guest list. You don’t need to invite obligatory guests if your dad is being this way. Sending good thoughts your way…

Post # 8
Member
7976 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Is this like your dad? The emotional outbursts? Did he give a reason? I guess what I’m really wondering is whether it would be possible to let him calm down then talk with him about it and hopefully have him change his mind….. backing out of $3000 for a wedding this late in the game does seem a bit unprecedented.

((((HUGS)))) I know it’s tough and you probably just want to curl up in a corner and not come out. Maybe tonight you can break out some ice cream and brownies and rum, and watch sad movies, and tomorrow wake up to new energy and form a game plan.

Are there things you can still cut? Are you having it catered? You could cancel your caterer (eat the deposit – no pun intended) and do a potluck.

Are there other people who might be willing to chip in some money, even a few hundred dollars? Grandparents (on either side of the family), aunts/uncles, your FI’s parents, you mom, etc.? If you can drum up most of the money, or even if a friend or relative could loan it to you interest free, that’s a lot better than taking a loan from the bank. It stinks to ask for money, but if you explain the situation they’ll probably be really understanding.

A lot of things have probably already been paid for, right? (DIY supplies, etc.) Are those things you put on a credit card and still need to pay back, or were you planning to reimburse yourself? Ultimately, I’d look at what is LEFT to pay, consider what you’ve already paid your own contribution to the wedding and move forward without trying to ‘reimburse’ yourself those expenses (assuming they aren’t waiting to be paid off on a credit card).

Could you do a fundraiser like a bake sale (or sell sth else) for the wedding? Ask friends, bridesmaids, etc. to chip in baked goods and sell them at someone’s busy workplace? Anything to drum up some money at this point is better than nothing.

Post # 9
Member
279 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I’m having a small, inexpensive wedding myself, just about your size. It makes more sense to me, too. =-)

You said your father called screaming. What set him off, exactly?  Is it something he might cool off about later and give you the final two thousand? If not,  another thing to consider is what has been paid for already and what you have left. For what you still need to pay for, ask if you can do this on a payment plan. Or, cancel the order and ask family and friends to help out…a potluck like some have mentioned. Fire up the grill. Have a friend play mixed cds rather than hiring a DJ. All in all, what matters most is the fact the the two of you are getting married, so, if need be I agree with the idea of putting on your dress and hitting city hall, then having a reception/cook out with the family and friends. Good luck, sweetie. I know no matter what your day will be beautiful!

Post # 10
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee

My dad pulls this crap all the time with added violence.  I decided I wasn’t going to invite him or ask for his help, and only invite 30 people and not budge on it especially since Fiance and I are full time students paying for the wedding ourselves.  Since it’s too close to the wedding to cut your list since invites went out, I’d talk to a family member about a loan as someone else suggested, nix the alcohol all together, and find other small areas to cut.  Perhaps not get your hair and make up done, have a friend do it.  Good luck!

Post # 11
Member
411 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I’m so sorry to hear this πŸ™ Do you think your dad meant it? Or maybe he was just upset and he needed to rail on someone, so he spoke without thinking? Maybe talk to him when you’ve both cooled off and express to him that you’ve never asked for much and you’d appreciate it if he stuck to his word.

If talking to your dad is not an option, I would go with monitajb’s advice. She’s right, you can have a wedding with very little money. Just go to city hall, then head home and fire up the grill πŸ™‚ Or you can pull a Carrie Bradshaw and Mr. Big on the SATC movie–just have a breakfast reception with an intimate group. It’s not the details that will determine how beautiful your wedding will be, it’s the people who are celebrating with you. Good luck hun!

Post # 12
Member
3041 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Maybe you can cut back on something else? Probly not what you’re wanting to hear, I realize that. You can maybe change to a potluck reception, or a dessert & punch reception? Its what FI & I did & it saved us hundreds! Our wedding is only costing like $600. Costco cakes, clearance dress, student photographer, using jewelry/shoes I already have & at my local church & DIY everything.

Did he say he’d pay for a specific amount? Or maybe he didn’t realize how much everything would be.I don’t think he’s trying to “ruin” your wedding… some people just don’t think 1 day should cost so much. Maybe he’d rather give you something in the future, maybe his business isn’t doing as great as usual, or he thinks you should come up with more money. Can your job give you extra hours? Maybe you can try babysitting to earn extra money if that can’t happen?

You’re lucky you’re having help from him at all… I know lots of people who had no help from their parents, whether they had the money or not. & not to sound rude, but just because your dad doesn’t give you money doesn’t mean he’s not good. & honestly, if I was called that because I wouldn’t give someone money, I wouldn’t give them anything at all. But that’s just the way I am.

Just work with what you’ve got & have fun. Don’t worry about not having “everything” because at the end of the day, you’ll be married to your then husband & that will be worth it :).

EDIT: I do think its very wrong of him to “change his mind” on you last minute. That would be terrible :(. I’m sorry things are all crazy. Just try to be nice to him, not to suck up to him, but he doesn’t really have to give you anything. I’ve seen relationships become destroyed over money & failure to keep promises & its sad. Hopefully he does what he said & will pay for what he said he’d pay for. Its just very wrong of him if he doesn’t & so hopefully he sees that.

 

Post # 13
Member
1426 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I am so sorry you’re dealing with this! What a horrible thing to do.  My dad pulled the rug out on me like that too, except he did it with my college loans. (“Just take out a loan now, but I’ll pay it off when you graduate” yeah right!) But at least I have time to pay that back over time.  He’s really putting you in a spot being only a month out.

Normally I would never recommend that someone take out a loan for a wedding, but since you only need about $2500, and you need it with such short notice, I think you should do it.  It wouldn’t be that difficult to pay off over time, and maybe you could even use some of the money you get as gifts to pay it back.  I know it sucks, but it’s worth at least going to the bank and seeing what the payments would be, right?

I’m so sorry you’re stuck with this a month out πŸ™  I wish I could tell you to say “F— you!” to your dad and uninvite him, but having a father who does the same thing to me, I know it’s just not that easy.  But you will get through it, even if you have to cut back, remember the wedding is just a party, it’s the marriage that counts!  When you get down, just think about the fact that your child has your soon-to-be-husband in her life, so she won’t have to know what it’s like to have a father like yours πŸ™

 

Post # 14
Hostess
18646 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I agree with the previous suggestion of asking family members to bring food for a potluck style reception and cancel the catering if possible.  I really would not want to go into a ton of debt over this, especially since it sounds like you might not have the money to pay it off.

Post # 15
Member
612 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

What do you still have left to pay for… as far as “extras” go?

and where did you need that money to go? Food and…

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