(Closed) As MOH do I need to step in?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: What would you do as MOH?
    Talk to the inappropriate gifter : (31 votes)
    34 %
    Ask another BM who is close to her talk to inappropriate gifter : (47 votes)
    52 %
    Nothing. Let Bride deal with it. : (12 votes)
    13 %
    Other (please explain) : (0 votes)
  • Post # 3
    Member
    7183 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @MexiPino:  if I as the bride already talked to her I would appreciate it if someone else said something as well. Just sadi something about how you don’t think really family will NOT find it funny. If I was that friend I would feel really embarrassed gifting something like that if I knew the brides family would get upset or grown upon it.

    Post # 4
    Member
    2686 posts
    Sugar bee

    I would start by talking with the gifter yourself.  The bride’s wishes are the most important thing, and you need to make it clear that just because some showers include lingerie gifts doesn’t mean all showers include lingerie gifts.  If speaking with her directly doesn’t work out, I would have her closer friend step in to back up your request.

    Post # 5
    Member
    955 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    If someone wraps up some anal beads and a dildo and presents that at a household shower, I guarantee THEY will look like the asshole, NOT the bride.

     

     

    Post # 6
    Member
    839 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    I agree with PPs, I would want someone else to talk to this person if I was a bride and my request fell on deaf ears. I would just tell her that it is incredibly inappropriate for her to give her that sort of gift at a shower where her family will be there and the bride is very upset about it. This isn’t a bachelorette party, it’s a bridal shower. If she it doesn’t work, have the other BM talk to her. Surely after having THREE people say something to her about it, she will get the hint. I also agree with PP that if after all this, she does end up bring an inappropriate gift, she will be the one who looks like an idiot, not you or the bride.

     

    Post # 7
    Member
    2702 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I’d talk to the gifter directly and express that there are going to be grandmothers there and you’re worried about them being uncomfortable.

    Is there going to be a bachelorette party?  Maybe you can suggest that she bring the gift to that instead of the shower.

    Post # 8
    Member
    1622 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    @JaneyDcat:  omg I can picture it now!

    @MexiPino:  I would generally say that you should have a conversation with the gifter yourself, but if another “BM” is much closer to this woman then perhaps she would have a more productive conversation with her?  Myself, I’d rather deal with it myself so that I know exactly what was said to the gifter and to hopefully prevent any further worry or drama.  

     

    Perhaps you can politely but firmly suggest that “gag gifts” are welcome to be given in person if she so desires, but that only household gifts are welcome at the bridal shower as per the brides’ direct wishes….or even put it on the MOB and say that it’s her request so that none of the elderly family members are made to feel uncomfortable or question the bride’s personal beahviours.  If that doesn’t work, this woman is a piece of work and you and the bride need to pre-think of a witty come back for gift opening time just in case she’s rude enough to disregard the bride’s wishes.  Something like, “Hey now, Bride is a classly lady and she doesn’t want or need any of your racy hand-me-downs.” or “Hey now, Bride doesn’t even know what that is/how to use that but clearly you do!!!” (for sex toys)

    Post # 10
    Member
    3574 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I wouldn’t do anything.  You’re not the maid of honor.  You would never even have known about this if the bride didn’t tell you.  I would keep out of it.  The bride can deal with it on her own.  If the girl shows up with a bra, she will look silly – nobody else. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    11352 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2009

    Most of the bridal showers I have attended have included both household and lingerie items. I don’t think there would be a woman in the room — including conservative women in the bride’s family, who will be shocked or upset if someone presents the bride with a pretty nightgown or a beautiful set of matching underwear for her honeymoon. 

     

    However, I would suggest that someone, perhaps the faux bridesmaid who knows this person well, urge that this guest not venture into the area of presenting gift items of an even more intimate nature that go beyond what would normally be presented at a family bridal shower.

     

    Post # 14
    Member
    847 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2015

    @MexiPino:  I’d have the ‘faux-bm’ talk to her. She is close to this college friend and while it’s clear you mean well, I don’t think the gag gifter would appreciate a lecture on bridal shower decorum from a girl she barely knows. If you get the friend of this girl to have a gentle word about the shower she’ll be more likely to take heed. If you call her up and say ‘Listen Angie, this is a household items shower and we don’t want you and your dildo moulds to ruin it, okay?!’ it’s going to come off as bitchy and controlling. This is a sensitive issue that is potentially embarassing for everybody involved and it’s better coming from somebody she knows. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    2376 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I’d call her myself.  No need to be rude or pushy, but just let her know that the bride’s ultra conservative grandmother/aunt/whatever will be there, and with the recent losses in her family, she just doesn’t want to cause any conflict with them.  And then thank her for being  thoughtful and a good friend. 

    Also, possible idea to bring up to the bride, even if she doesn’t want a wild and crazy ‘bachelorette’ party, a night out with drinks or dinner with the girls around her own age is always nice, and then gag gifts are totally appropriate!

    Post # 16
    Member
    1347 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    Have the faux BM who is close to her tell the girl this is not appropriate at all.

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