Hi. This is an INCREDIBLY stupid post but I just wanted to ask for the hell of it.
When you see a petite/cute asian girl arm in arm with a big white guy, what comes to mind?
Do people think the guy is a loser? She's a mail order bride? Gail and Robert Irvine? Submissive asian chick? Guy only with her because of a fetish?
I want honesty here... And in the end I know that it doesn't matter at all. (Still I am giving in to my curiosity). I'm just wondering if this stereotype is something that real people actually think about. I get self conscious about it sometimes.
I see it a lot in my area so I think nothing of it at all.
i wouldn't even notice.
Lol I am the cute petite Asian girl with the big white man. At first people are like, "Why are they together?" And then they get to know us and realize how complimentary our personalities are to one another.
I would think nothing of it other than, "Oh, they're cute."
My best friend is 4'11" and Asian, and she is dating a 6'2" white guy. If I saw them and didn't know them, I'd think they were pretty odd looking together, but still cute!
No stereotypes would come to mind. Well, maybe I would think mail order bride if the guy was 60+ and the gal was in her 20s.
a young couple i wouldnt notice at all
if the guy was in his 50s and the girl was much much younger, i would think it was a bit dodgy (but i think that for all couples generally) esp if they dont seem to have a language in common
Wtf. I wouldnt even pay notice. Let alone think anything remotely similar.
I'm a white girl dating a black guy. What do you think of me?
Haha... thx for the replies. I am sure I am being overly self-conscious. I am an American-born Asian and saw a lot of white guys dating asian girls while I was doingn a study-abroad in asia ... and got me thinking thoughts like the ones in this article:
And I was like D: oh no I hope my FI and I don't seem like that D:
@newname_99: yeah... that would be weird I agree. the thing is even if my FI and I are only 4 years apart he looks significantly older probably because I look very young. x( OH WELL
Don't think any of those things. I only think mail order bride if she looks eastern european and is dressed like a skank ho while he's thirty years older than her and in khakis or a suit, haha.
@poppygirl16: My fiance is 9 years older than me and I look very young (I'm very small/petite while he is 6'5") and I've been mistaken for his child before. Super awkward.
I think the common stereotype with most biracial couples is "What's wrong? Why couldn't he/she get a woman/man of his/her own race?" Not saying it's true or what I personally think, but I know that runs through people's heads sometimes when they see any interracial couple.
I did know a guy in high school who was so weird, socially awkward, and had a dark streak to him. He was white and only dated asian girls because he was into the schoolgirl porn thing, and that culturally he believed them to be subservient to the man at all times, and that he liked them because he could have total control in the relationship and she wouldn't ever complain. He would freely and openly talk about these things. We weren't even friends.
I do know other white men who also only date asians because they tend to be more petite and "feminine" (not loud, more gentle, shy, etc) than white girls. These guys also tended to be more on the weird side, and had a thing for anime and asian culture in general, to the point of practically hating white people and american culture.
@distracts: oh no!! D: ..( I am sure you guys don't really look like that lol)
Anyway, going back to it all... I don't even see my FI as being a race... he is just HIM and I am just ME! And he thinks the same of me. I guess I just wish I didn't look like the 'exotic lotus flower' (ewwww) next to the white dude, to other people. Meh i'll get over it.
@GoldfishPie: Ahhh that is icky
@GoldfishPie: and a very interesting point! hmm. (about what runs through many people's heads)
I think it's cute, but I'm a little biased since my 6ft brother is marrying a 5ft Canadian/Filipino in less than a month. :)
I really need to stop looking into this topic before I give myself a headache....
I found this blog: http://shanghaishiok.com/2011/05/10/white-man-asian-woman-bias/ that basically discusses this issue.
This is a diagram the blogger made:
Race is such a weird confusing thing... I feel like it's something that people say doesn't matter, but I think deep down people still have stereotypes...
I don't even pay attention, really. The only time I do notice is when an Asian woman comes to the ER with a caucasian military husband...but I don't dwell on it.
@poppygirl16: I don't think of any of those stereotypes, ever. My SO's brother and sister-in-law are a couple like that. I don't think they as people (nothing to do with their race/culture) go together (loooooooong story but basically she is a city person and he is a country person and they won't compromise even though they have kids) but it's never occurred to me to think there was anything stereotypical about the fact that she's small and Japanese and he's tall and Caucasian.
My SO's best friend, another very tall white guy, is married to a Japanese woman as well. They go together very well, and again I've never though anything about them was weird.
I was vaguely aware of the existence of this stereotype, but I'm pretty open-minded and also kind of innocent, so such things don't have much bearing on what I think of people.
@GoldfishPie: Eew, those guys sound creepy. Especially the one you knew of in high school! Yuck.
Even my SO's and my friend who is a white guy married to a Japanese woman has nothing of that about him--even though he IS obsessed with Japanese culture and, in fact, lives there and works as a translator. They, thankfully, are perfectly normal people.
@poppygirl16: Wow, seeing that drawing makes me realize there must be a lot of stuff out there about this. Who cares???? We're all just people and people get together for all kinds of reasons. . . . Don't worry about it! :)
If anything, I'd smile because it is the opposite of my relationship. In my marriage, I'm the petite Italian-American lady with a tall Chinese/German man. :)
I don't think any of those things. But I do giggle a little. Just because every single one of my guy (white) friends has always had an asian fetish. So I'm reminded of that.
@poppygirl16: I have heard that some Asian girls are desperate to have a white guy... that's the stereotype.
I actually haven't seen many Asian girl/white guy couples.. maybe I am just not observant though!
I'll be honest, though... whether I see a white/black/Asian/whatever girl with a "loser"/ugly/much older guy, I assume she's with him for the money and he's with her for her youth and looks. Nothing to do with race. Hopefully it's out of love, though!
Im asian and my SO is caucasion most of my friends are married or dating guys of all different ethnicity I honestly never even thought about the stereotype..
I don't think anything unless I know the guy is a creeper. I'm white and my FI is Japanese. After a guy in my Japanese class found this out shortly after we had started dating, he told me he needed to "acquire an Asian girlfriend."
I think nothing of it. Well, not nothing. I think of my parents. And my mother is NOT submissive to my dad. My poor, poor dad.
I wouldn't think any of the stereotyped you listed. I would just think, hey there goes a couple.
I think it's pretty messed up to believe in a stereotype that white guys who date asian girls are losers or weird or have some sort of fetish or anything like that. Why are there a lot of white guys dating asian girls in Asia? Maybe because 98% of the population is Asian? You could also say that a lot of white girls in Asia also date asian guys and it would be the same reason. The same could be said for interracial couples in America... America is 78% White (and I actually pulled that up from US Census data.. learn something new every day) so it's not surprising that some of the 5% of Asians growing up in America would date a white guy/girl or even a black/hispanic/etc (altho I am kind of surprised to learn there's only 5% asians).
Being an asian girl with a white guy, I guess the possibility that someone could be applying stereotypes like that to me and my fiance really irks me!! I have lots of friends and know lots of people who are in interracial relationships, and I have never thought anything biased based on that.
I don't pay attention I think it's pretty common interracial relationship, and people are sued to seeing it.
I don't think anything of it, really. But then I'm half white and half Asian. I tend to identify myself more as white, but definitely look Asian. I married a white guy because that's what I'm attracted to.
I'm definitely not submissive--I tend to annoy my husband sometimes by being bossy.
My FI's two polish best friends both have asian girlfriends. All I would think, if anything, would be that the guy probably has a thing for asian girls. But that's the same with anyone dating anyone (blondes, redheads, etc)
@poppygirl16: Haha I totally think Gail and Robert Irvine. They're so cute.
I went to a very diverse school so everyone dated everyone, it was never a big deal. However, we would JOKE about all the stereotypes of all races all the time. They were mostly cultural tho. Example being that the white guy liked asian girls because they are very homey and catering to men. The other that the girl wants to piss off her strict parents.
But never have I seen a couple walking down the street and instantly thought "oh she must be mad at her family" or something. In my generation and area, things like that aren't a big deal. Its kinda sad that it still an issue.
I don't think anyone will ever admit that these stereotypes are what they are thinking but they undeniably exsist. Racism isn't some separate evil entity. It's subtle and subconcious. It hasn't disappeared, it's simply hiding and harder to catch. The fight against racism has made SOME progress, but it is something that is still rampant simply because people DENY that they see it. No one wants to be cast as someone with prejudices, so everyone makes excuses. Racism is now hidden in our jokes, in how couples are represented on television, how interracial couples are treated in public service (longer wait times etc), how their mixed children will be percieved, how people are labelled, how some "positive" stereotypes are somehow okay etc.
Example, being seen as the "hot Asian wife" isn't a compliment I enjoy receiving. DH's friend's wife is simply "hot wife" not "hot Caucasian wife". The fact that socially I am STILL recognized as an "other" by race, IS subconcious racism.
I live in one of the most multicultural cities in the world and still experience racism frequently. As an interracial couple, we've heard racial comments from BOTH cultures (from both our families), in fact. So no one is guilt free. It's inhearent in all of us through the media and movies etc.
I will be the first in this thread to admit that I am guilty of that kind of stereotyping despite being stereotyped like that myself. That is how I know other people will think the same thing of us. If I see a young asian F/ caucasian M together, my first thought IS "He has yellow fever". There are MANY times my asian girlfriends have had relationships come and go because the guy was interested in her in the first place for some kind of "submissive" stereotype in HIS head. And when she realizes that the guys she's been dating are so insecure, it all makes sense. However, I have let this experience paint a stereotype that I carry on (which is unhealthy).
I personally don't believe that everyone on this thread (asian's included) can throw up their hands and play the "I'm not racist" card. To deny you have ANY sort of particiaption in the cycle of subtle racism or to deny that you don't even recognize racism does NOT help anti-racism, but merely makes it stronger.
There is really NO WAY to stop the stereotype except to see this interracial mix more frequently (and with families of their own) and to see an increase of other interracial couples. One good step is that we are opening dialogue about it. Another is to start phasing out this kind of stereotype in our media.
People need to stop making jokes like "Those Asian girls are stealing all our men" etc. Even though it's a joke, it perpetuates (and reveals that the individual believes in) those stereotypes. We also need to raise our boys to find healthy relationships (with any race). Just look at the history of our mens' dating past and you can see if he has his own prejudice in selecting a partner. (and vice verse for girls)
It's not okay to have prejudices but we ALL DO, and as long as we KNOW what our prejudices are, we can keep them in check. Anytime I hear a comment, I make a note to point it out. As long as it is recognized, the real work will unfold in time.
Research shows that Asian men and African-American women are the most "undersireable" when it comes to dating and finding a mate, which I find sad as a black woman. Stereotypically speaking, black women are too difficult. Asian men are unattractive. All of this is ridiculous!
But to answer your question, when I see a cute Asian woman with a significantly older unattractive white man, I do think mail order bride! Terrible, I know, but I admit it is my first thought!
I think it's more that white males who date Asian females are accused of having a "fetish". Like, WHAT?
I'm that Asian girl. I'm not petite by any means (I'm a size 18 though I range from 12-18, and I can probably leg press more than most men) and I'm mixed so I'm seen in public as African American, which I somewhat resent because I'm more Asian than black. FI is a big, Italian white guy. I joked with FI before we even started dating (like...literally before he asked me out) that he had yellow fever. Er, I guess I played into that one well haha.
I didn't plan on dating and getting engaged to a white male. I don't think he intended on falling in love with me. He's never dated a fully white girl before - ex was half Puerto-Rican. *shrug* Whatever.
I did, however, read an article in college about the 'Asian Miracle'. Yes, Asians as a whole had a rough go at integrating into the American melting pot...but once they did, they found that they meshed well with the Caucasian majority. If you look at it that way, it's probably due to the similar standards of beauty and the similar ethics. How many Asian women today have a relative who is obsessed with weight? I have relatives who are so obsessed with keeping a "fair" complexion. My whole family is really, really inflexible about getting a good education. I don't think that's too far off from what white people obsess about. I'm not saying other cultures don't, I guess it's just more acceptable (and less threatening) to bring home someone of a complexion and mindset closer to your own.
My mom brought home dad (who is black), and LOL. I would have loved to have been a fly on THAT wall.
@KallahinBaltimore: There is a statistical article that OkCupid (a dating site) did on messages sent and received. White women are the least likely to date/respond to someone outside their own race.
@mrsbruff2b: I will check it out! Something to read at lunch! But speaking based on my own pool of friends, I believe it. I've also noticed that white men who are willing to date outside their race, are less willing to date someone black. No data, just observation!
DH is white.
@poppygirl16: Honestly I wouldn't even notice, I think you're overthinking it!
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