Post # 1
I’m not sure how to handle this, but our reception site only allows a max of 150 but I have to have a minumun of 100 guests. It is fairly easy for me to stay closer to 150, but a few in my family and all of my FI’s family and friends are out of town.
With my family being so large and close, I didn’t think it was necessary to give some of my young adult single cousins a +1 unless it was a serious SO. Same goes for some of my friends (and a few have expressed that they wouldn’t want to invite anyone else anyhow) because so many of them know each other.
Now with my SO, i think it would be nice for his out of town friends and family to bring another because they won’t know as many people, and i wouldn’t personally travel to a friends OOT wedding if I couldn’t bring a guest and I didn’t know anyone except the bride and groom.
So is it a hard and fast rule that if i do some, i must do all? My guest list is climbing fast…
Post # 3
I would only send a plus one to those you know are in serious relationships. I was going to do plus ones, but there are some plus ones that I know I don’t want at my wedding, so I am addressing an invite to everyone without a plus one and sending invitations to those who would be a plus one. We know everyone that will be invited, so I don’t think it will be a problem, for the most part.
I think etiquette wise, you should send plus ones to all or none, so that is why I am doing it this way.
Post # 4
I think you should have specific rules to justify who is in a “serious” relationship and who isn’t. Do they have to be engaged? Living together? What about people who have been dating for years but are choosing not to live together until marriage? In general I think it’s best to make it fair across the board when choosing who to invite.
Post # 5
We have the exact same situation. FI has about 8 cousins ranging in age from 17-23. Only one of the cousins has a boyfriend. I wasn’t sure what to do, so FI asked his dad, and he said to just invite the cousins all without guests, except for the one who has a boyfriend. Reason being: All of his cousins will have each other and FI’s huge family to keep them company!
As for the out of town guests, I would invite them with a date. I agree that traveling alone to a wedding without knowing anyone would be a less than ideal situation!
As for friends…In my opinion, I think as long as you stick to the “relationships only” rule, then nobody should be offended. If everyone already knows each other, then I’d bet they wouldn’t mind.
Post # 6
I invited SO’s of everyone who was married/engaged/living with their SO or who had extenuating circumstances for not living with their SO (e.g., friends who had jobs in diff cities from their SO’s but want to be living with them).
Because I was standard across the board, it made it easy to say “No” when people asked for additional invites. For example, one friend wanted us to invite his GF we had never met (she’s so serious he wants to bring her, but not serious enough to have met her before…?), and another friend wanted us to invite his on again/off again long distance gf who he had just gotten back together with. I told them both, no, that we were trying to keep the wedding small, and that we decided to only invite SO’s of people in committed relationships. I was a bit worried they would be mad, but they weren’t. They came to our wedding and celebrated with us anyway 🙂
BUt you know what, its your wedding and you can make the rules. IF you want to invite OOT guest’s SO’s and use that as your cut off you cand do that. Then just tell people that they got invites because they were OOT’s and didn’t know many people. That’s legit.
Post # 7
I think whether or not they get a guest needs to depend on the person you are inviting. If they are going to know a tons of people there or will be likely attending with family, that is very different from a friend who will only know you and/or you groom.
I am rather socially introverted and there is NO WAY I would attend a wedding by myself unless I knew someone I was close to was attending. Know matter how much I may support the couple, they are going to be busy and I would be horribly uncomfortable.
I also think it is hard to ‘judge’ whether a relationship is strong enough to warrant an invite and that hard and fast rules in this area are troublesome. My FI and I have only been engaged for a few months, but we have been together 4+ years. We were very serious from the start, but we still do not live together even though we both own houses in the same area.
Post # 8
@ashleyleah, thanks! FI and i decided we were going to allow OOT guests and SO’s of friends and family that are serious. we know all of them and consider them our friends. it’s really my family and a few of my friends that i’m not going to add a plus one and i think they will be just fine with that.
@edgypeanuts, i agree that it’s difficult to judge another’s relationship and definitely don’t want to get mixed up in that boat, so i’m glad that all of our family and friends who are in a serious relationship now, we’re friends with so it makes it easy to add them to the list. all other single friends and family who may or may not have a SO by then won’t get a plus one except for OOT. thanks!