- 1 week ago
Sorry for any weird wording, I’m writing from my phone.
We have been together almost 6 years. Married almost 2. I’m 28, he’s 38. After many posts on here anonymously, and having you all confirm that my marriage and relationship is a toxic mess I finally asked for a divorce yesterday.
we almost divorced back in November but I decided to try again, immediately regretting the decision because all the good memories flooded back and hit me like a bag of bricks
now I KNOW I want a divorce but I can’t help but feel devastated, and sad, and worried about loneliness, but mostly I feel guilt, because he never grew up and I don’t see any way for him to live on his own and survive.
i make a lot of money (recently, wasn’t always the case). He just recently started a new job (for the 4th or 5th time) and isn’t making enough to cover expenses.
i know I need out. We may have our good moments but I’m mostly dying a little each day being with a man who is practically bipolar, resents me for issues from years ago, and who has relied on me to basically take care of him for 6 years.
i still care about him, but I can’t be his mom and his wife anymore. He has NO money, no savings, I pay for just about everything in his life. I’m 28, he’s 38.
I can’t stop crying. Mostly because I’m scared for him and I find myself already wanting to sacrifice everything I’ve earned for him because I see him as a child who can’t take care of himself. At the same time I know I can’t live with someone who makes me feel like a monster for being ME.
i acknowledge my part in this too. I only recently “grew up” and have changed a lot. I wasn’t a great wife. I hold a great deal of resentment also. I was terrible at communicating and acted selfishly often. I also talked too much with my mother about my marriage and I made decisions that pleased my parents rather than my husband. I thought some day we’d wake up and be on the same page but I know it can never happen.
How do I cope with this while still living with him at the moment? My heart is breaking over a lost friendship and the loss of such a large part of my life, but I’m also angry that he’s making me feel guilty. Guilty that I get to keep my home (that I own outright) and that he can’t so much as afford groceries let alone rent, phone, gas, insurance..
ive offered to payoff his vehicles, pay his rent for a year in another house. I realized last night he wouldn’t get to be on my health insurance anymore and I cried for two hours
i want him to be ok but I also want me to be ok, and I can’t be ok living with this man, who while not a bad man, has broken me over the years with cruel words split personality and belittling comments. My family has never liked or approved of him so I feel I’ve almost been groomed to leave, but I know I NEED to.
im terrified at the thought of coming home to an empty house, losing all the little inside jokes, losing the only friend I’ve had for 6 years. I feel like a failure for not even making it 2 years.
Help!!!! I don’t want to hurt like this, it’s what I wanted after all right?!?!