(Closed) Asked FSIL to be a bridesmaid … and she says “I’ll think about it”

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
464 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I honestly think it was a big mistake asking her to be your bridemaid when you have had problems with her.

The fact that she is rude to you isn’t going to change. BUT I could be proven wrong by someone else’s story of them asking their SIL to be a bridemaid.


Another way of navigating around it would be to delegate your Maid/Matron of Honor and make it clear to your bridal party that the Maid/Matron of Honor has a great plan and wants to organise the party, etc.


Post # 6
206 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I can relate to what you’re saying about the flip-flopping between your Future Sister-In-Law being friendly and open and then being rude. My Future Sister-In-Law (FI’s brother’s fiance) does the same thing to me. She’ll call me her “sister” but then bail on plans we have or ignore me at dinner with FI’s family. We have talked about this, but it hasn’t gotten any better. It’s gotten to the point where I am nice to her when I see her, but I’ve stopped going out of my way to reach out to her.

I know you’re in a different situation because it’s your FI’s actual sister, so you might want to try a bit more. I actually think asking her to be a bridesmaid is a good step. It shows that you’re willing to make the effort — now it’s up to her to do the same for you. I agree with a PP to let your Maid/Matron of Honor handle the parties and stuff, but it might be a good idea to incorporate some of your FSIL’s ideas into things too. Maybe keep your guard up some and don’t expect too much, and you might be pleasantly surprised.

Also, I wouldn’t let her comments about being a bridesmaid get to you too much. Some girls don’t have a lot of experience with that and she simply might not know what is expected of her. I know I didn’t the first time I was a bridesmaid!

Good luck!

Post # 8
2247 posts
Buzzing bee

Don’t feel bad.  I asked one of my FSILs Friday and her response? “Oh, you’re gonna make me be in it?”

Post # 9
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Honestly she sounds a bit introverted and relying on family for her social outlet. A little immature. This may get better over time, and she will see you as more of a friend and less possessive of her brother.

I would try to realize she is somewhat lacking in the social skills department and being single, doesn’t realize the sensitive nature of wedding planning and not joking around about it. SOunds like your Future Mother-In-Law was trying to give her some tips, not being snarky necessarily.

I think you are doing fine, spend time with her and let her know she can still have her brother too 🙂

Post # 10
7421 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Well you had better make it clear from now that the barchlorette party is the responsibilty of your Maid/Matron of Honor and all direction will come from her. Just saying. Only time will tell how this will play out. But nip that party business in the bud now.

Post # 11
962 posts
Busy bee

Wait! Did I read that right? Did your Future Mother-In-Law tell your Future Sister-In-Law that she (FSIL) gets to tell you what to do with your wedding? OH. HELL. NO. What is up with people thinking they get to dictate your day? Jeez….

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