Asked to be a bridesmaid, but…

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 2
145 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I think you’ve hit the nail on the head – this person could be around for the rest of your life. So you should probably try to make that relationship work. So, if she asks, I would accept.

That said, don’t put up with any bridesilla crap from her!

Regarding the date of the wedding, I’m assuming that there’s a fairly high chance that you and your FI/DH will be going to his brother’s wedding, so it shouldn’t really be an issue.

Good luck and let us know what happens!

Post # 3
1793 posts
Buzzing bee

Sometimes you just have to make the family mad.  Just tell her that you would like to attend as a guest and look forward to the festivities. Maybe suck it up for the shower and bach party but you should not feel cornered to be a BM.  As immature as she sounds that could mean a serious price tag for you for HER special day.

Post # 5
7518 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

bananacar:  Well if you are going to be away for work then you have your excuse to not be BM right? I guess I am not seeing the issue.

Post # 7
7518 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

bananacar:  Well why not just wait and see. It sounds like you are assuming a lot of things here. Why not just meet her and hear what she has to say. If she does ask you then just say that with your work location changing you don’t feel it is fair to her to committ to such an important role.

I just don’t think it is right to be someone who you dislikes BM. It is rather dishonest don’t you think?

Post # 8
1230 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

bananacar:  NO NO NO NO NO. Just say no!!!! There’s another thread similar to this right now. I hate when people who aren’t getting married have an opinion on a bridal party! 

I don’t know why there has to be any drama around this. Just say no thank you, you have too many other things on your plate.

Post # 9
672 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2015 - Family Farm

Decline. There is nothing wrong with saying no. I have done it. Several times. Just be gracious and tell her how much you look forward to attending the wedding as a guest.

Post # 12
7273 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

bananacar:  You can’t possibly commit to be a BM without knowing the date and place, especially in your circumstances. I’d tell her that.

On the other thread, I advised the bee not to be a BM because she was 6 hours away and TTC. In your case, assuming it didn’t clash with work, I’d probably accept; on the basis that it’s not hard to wear a matching dress and a bouquet. Though you may want to ask what she expects of her BMs and/or say you can’t commit to doing much.

Post # 13
672 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2015 - Family Farm

bananacar:  pick a couple reasons. then never elaborate or change your story. The key is to keep it simple and make sure that even though you have declined be genuinely excited and happy for her.

Post # 15
2704 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

bananacar:  I think what you said is PERFECT, and you have lots of great excuses. Maybe she asked you as a formality? Who knows. People are SO weird about being asked/not being asked to be in bridal parties. So I’ve found out the hard way.

I think if you’re honest (about not having time, not the hating her part, that would be AWKWARD lol) then she should appreciate it, plus make it about her. You don’t have the time to dedicate to her wedding and you would feel terrible not being able to help to give her the day she deserves, blah blah blah.

Good luck!

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