Asked to be MOH but wanting to try for a family….Help!!

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
3978 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Kitty714:  This is my personal opinion. Being a bridesmaid is great, but having a family, that’s not something you put off for one days’ worth. If you are pregnant at the time, surely if she is understanding you can find a flattering dress. If you are close to the due date or think you will be a new mom at that time, you tell her when you’re pregnant and let her know what you need. I would never put off having a planned child for someone’s wedding (or elst I would never have children, there’s weddings every year), and it would be unreasonable of a bride, whom presumely you are close to, to be upset that you could not be a part of things after you allready said yes, because of your newly discovered pregnancy. You never know how long it will take you to conceive. Live your life, and if I was your friend and asked you to be a bridesmaid, and you told me 9 months out that you were expecting and might not be able to make it, I would be disappointed you couldn’t be there but really? I’m going to be an auntie!!

Post # 4
Member
1472 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@Kitty714:  I think if she’s truly a good friend, she should be happy you are trying for a family and be happy with whatever the outcome. There is no reason to change your family-making plans for her wedding. It’s not THAT hard to find a maternity bridesmaid dress, and unless you are 9 months pregnant or baby is in his/her first few months, it should be really easy to make things work. Just let her know that you are planning to have a family and if/when you fall pregnant, you will let her know and you can talk about what makes the most sense then. 

You are, however, very sweet to worry about her wedding when thinking about baby-making 🙂

Here’s to a BFP soon!

Post # 5
Member
1472 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

P.S. One of my bridesmaids had a 2 year old and was pregnant (and incredibly sick) during my wedding. She was AWESOME, we made sure to have healthy food around for her and planned for her to have lots of time to rest. Her husband couldn’t come to the wedding, and she handled it like a pro!

Post # 6
Member
2355 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

If I had someone I wanted for MoH, I wouldn’t care if they were 9 months pregnant and in a nice maternity dress instead of whatever the rest of the bridesmaids were wearing. It’s not about how the bridal party looks; it’s about having the people who care about you up there showing their support. If my MoH went into labor the night before and had to drop out, I wouldn’t bat an eye. It simply does not matter.

I also wouldn’t expect the bridal party to do anything other than show up.

Let her in on your plans to conceive and let her decide what she wants to do. If you truly don’t want to be MoH, then let her know that as well.

Post # 7
Member
1981 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

A friend of mine was supposed to be a bridesmaid for a dear friend (who had been her bridesmaid)- and she fell pregnant- it was a surprise.  Her due date was 5 days before the wedding, so she said she wouldn’t be able to be a bridesmaid and might make the wedding as a guest but probably not.  As important as weddings are, some things are more important!  If you want a family, I say, go for it!  And try not to worry (I know that’s hard) about what to do about the wedding in an abstract sense- it’s just not productive to worry about it.  I’m sure everything will work out! 

Post # 8
Member
3989 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

My advice is, to never make any decisions based on whether or not you may or may not be pregnant.

I said no to too many things because I thought I might be pregnant at that time.  I wish I hadn’t.

Post # 9
Member
539 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

I wouldn’t put off having a  family for anyone’s wedding, a wedding is one day but a family is a lifetime. And if my best friend put off having a family for my wedding, we’d have serious discussion about that nonsense. If she’s  a friend, she won’t care if you’re 9 months pregnant and have to get your dress from Tim’s Tent Emporium. If she does, that tells you what kind of selfish person she truly is and I wouldn’t want to be friends with someone like that anyway.

Post # 10
Member
1681 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Kitty714:  If you want to try for a baby, do it. Don’t plan the rest of your life around a person’s wedding. If a bride gets angry, upset, or annoyed because you’re pregnant during her wedding, are sure that’s a real friend? 

My MOH was pregnant through my entire wedding process. I couldn’t have been happier for her. My only suggestion is avoid being exactly 9mo at the wedding. She was due 4 days before, and she had the baby a few days early. She was in attendance, but was only there for bits and pieces. Do I wish she could have been more active the day of my wedding? Of course. Do I wish she had waited/put off getting pregnant because of my wedding? No no no no, never in a million years. 

 

Start a family. What happens, happens, and you’ll love every minute of it 🙂

Post # 11
Member
6504 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

I wouldn’t put it off and I wouldn’t stop trying just because of her wedding. I think it’s great that you are being so considerate of her but I think that TTC should be put first for you!

Post # 12
Member
667 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I can sort of relate to that. I was asked to be MOH for my bestfriend who is getting married this december. My DH and I had been intending to start TTC on our honeymoon in April. We decided to go ahead with our plans rather than put it off for the sake of the wedding (sounds harsh!). I offered a million times for her to replace me with a non pregnant friend but shes quite happy. Im 18w now and will be 27 weeks on her wedding day 🙂 im glad we put ourselves first and she totally understood.

Post # 13
Member
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@Kitty714:  Have your baby when you want to have your baby.  You may get pregnant right away or it may take a few months or even a few years; you won’t know until you start TTC.  If the MOH thing works out, great.  If you end up pregnant, offer to step down to a BM role or just attend as a guest.  Let her know that you may be TTC over the next year or two and want to know her feelings on the matter to get an idea of your options; she may not want a pregnant MOH or BM, then you should still be able to attend as a regular guest unless you are due around the time she gets married.

Post # 14
Member
6812 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

I would start trying and I wouldn’t stop. Having a baby is more important and if you can’t get pregnant if you start now by next Dec, you will likely be having other things on your mind. Here’s how I would address it:

Start trying – if I get pregnant right away, great, problem solved, likely no issues

Start trying – if I don’t get pregnant right away, let her know that you’re going to try and that you’re willing to do as much as possible for her while you’re still not pregnant, and if by Dec 2014, you’re still not preggers, keep trying and let her know as soon as you get pregnant, if it happens – if it happens to be at a really inconvenient time, ask her if she minds you to stop any sort of MOH duties that you can no longer handle

Also, if you have a normal pregnancy (which I hope you do!), there really aren’t many MOH duties that you won’t be able to do.

The only thing I might consider doing is not trying between Dec 2014-Feb 2015, because you can still be 6 months pregnant or so without a problem, you can get a maternity dress, you can get a dress guessing how big you’d be, etc.

I don’t think you should put your life on hold to be someone’s bridesmaid, that’s kind of silly! What if you can’t get pregnant and you just wasted 2 years of trying??

Post # 15
Member
753 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I wouldn’t let her effect your plans to TTC. If something happens and you don’t get pregnant by Dec 2014 there is absolutely no reason to stop trying because this girl is getting married. Plan your family the way you want to. 

Post # 16
Member
4656 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Talk with your friend and let her know that you are TTC, but I don’t think that should stop you from being MOH.

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