Asked to be personal attendant for old friend, destination wedding – thoughts?

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
3265 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@collette:  Sounds like you’re not all that keen on doing this. I’d tell her that although you’re honored that she asked you to help out you really don’t think you can afford it right now since it’s only been a few months since your own wedding.

Post # 4
Member
3635 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@collette:  “Please pay to fly down and stay at my vacation wedding and be my bitch all weekend.” 

No thanks.

Post # 5
Member
2649 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@collette:  WTF is a “personal attendant?”  Sounds like slave for a day to me so…where exactly is the “honor?”

I’d be busy that day.  Good grief.  

Post # 6
Member
6644 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@Zhabeego:  It is a regional so please do not put it down.  The PA helps out with the brides train and is part of the bridal party without having to purchase a dress.  

Post # 8
Member
3693 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

No way would I do this. I think “personal attendants” are one of those wedding related things that never should have come about. (Cue all the people who will say, “well I had a personal attendant(s) and they thought it was SUCH an honor). It’s on the level of guestbook attendant for me.

Post # 9
Member
6904 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I would sound her out, saying that while you would love to stand up for her, the expenses involved  may be too much for you at this time.  She may tell you that she has been   planning to cover your transportation and lodging all along or she may tell you that she’s disappointed but she understands.  

Post # 10
Member
63 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I agree with lilikitty – just getting over your own wedding is a graceful reason to bow out, especially since this is a DW and most reasonable people expect some guest attrition with the cost of travel.

Post # 11
Member
42549 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would thank her for the honor and respectfully decline.

Post # 12
Member
2649 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@Sassygrn:  It still sounds an awful lot like “Bride’s Servant” for a day. Why would anyone be flattered by that? “Oh hey, you didn’t make the cut to be a bridesmaid, but please come follow me around and adjust my dress for me rather than enjoying yourself as an honored guest.”

Also, something being “regional” doesn’t somehow automatically make it a good idea or not rude.

Post # 13
Member
525 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Reading this makes me feel like you’ll just be “the help” at her wedding so unless she is willing to cover every cost for you I would tell her that you just don’t have the time/energy/finances to do that. My thoughts of having a personall attendant (which is an assistant) is that you would be getting paid for doing it as it sounds completely different from the bridesmaids and maid of honour.

If you aren’t even that close it isn’t rude at all to back down – it even makes me wonder why she seemed to create this position for you in the first place!

Post # 14
Member
303 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@collette:  While this friend may not be someone you feel that close to anymore, she obviously holds you in high enough regard that she wanted you to feel included in her wedding. I agree with a lot of the sentiments here about PAs…unnecessary.  But, I do think she just wanted to give you some kind of honoursry role. That said, would I fly somewhere to be the PA of a person I’m not really in touch with anymore, while I am in the process of getting back on track financially? No. Thank here for the honour but decline with a brief, honest explanation of your financial concerns. Good luck!

Post # 15
Member
11740 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would decline.  I don’t thinka “personal assistant” is an honor to be asked – in fact, I think it’s like asking someone to work for you for free while pretending it’s a big deal.  If you can’t afford it, or if you just don’t want to go, just politely decline.

Post # 16
Member
6644 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@Zhabeego:  Well in our area it is a thing and  it really isn’t rude.  If you can’t say anything nice you know the saying.  Seriously try understanding diffrent cultures and things with weddings.  

 

 

 

Just like anything with weddings what you view as “rude” to others isn’t.  Just like in my area dollar dances, to other things are just the norm.  

 

 

 

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